The Long Way Home
by tonyamic10
Summary: Jacob's life was in turmoil. Bella married Edward to become one of them. Nothing would ever be the same for him. The day Charlie received word on Bella was the final break for his heart. He had to let go or live in torment forever. A final meeting turned it all around. Bella was definitely changed, but not as he predicted. Full summary inside. *on hiatus* [AU, post-BD, Jacob/Bella]
1. Chapter 1

_**Summary:**_ Jacob's life was in turmoil. Bella married Edward to become one of them. Nothing would ever be the same. The day Charlie received word on Bella was the final break in his betrayed heart. He had to let go or live in torment forever. A final meeting turned it all around. Bella was definitely changed, but not as he predicted. Something happened on that honeymoon and the truth was worse than any lie Bella had told herself. She finally understood what they all meant by monsters, but the sad part was it was a little too late and no matter how good Jacob was, would he ever be enough. [AU, post-BD, Jacob/Bella]

 **Sad, traumatic, dark fic with trigger warnings. Swim in the angst waters with me if you dare.**

What the heck could bring me out of retirement? This. The plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone.

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

 **The Long Way Home**

Chapter 1

Jacob counted in his mind, _one, two,three... ten._ Calming techniques didn't work. He erupted when he saw the destruction in the kitchen. His father's home. His house, not Paul Lahote's.

"Fuuucckkk! Get out here, you filthy bastard. Where are you?" Jacob stormed through the living room, glanced around and noticed a few closed doors. If Paul was still here with his sister, he wasn't sure about opening up any of them.

He came home from running around all night and thought he would attempt to put something in his stomach since it had been too long. He was losing weight and the lack of fuel was taking a toll on the wolf. He felt weaker, slower, more vulnerable, but maybe it was a blessing. Perhaps he could starve out the supernatural. He was sure as fuck over all this bullshit. The vamp family was gone and there were plenty other wolves to handle patrol duties. This was no longer a calling to him. It was a curse. Vampires and wolves were all cursed creatures and they destroyed those around them.

Jacob knew. He watched it all unfold. The Cullens left and they took what didn't belong to him. He tried, but he failed. Bella was a human being or at least she used to be. He wasn't sure now. She'd been married almost a month. He felt certain they'd changed her by now. She was hidden away somewhere to keep her from sucking half the Eastern seaboard dry. They were supposed to be headed off to college after the honeymoon. More lies. Bella would not be able to fulfill her dreams. She'd never be a teacher, write a book or be a mother. Did she even want to be a mother? He guessed not since she sealed up her womb inside a granite tomb. Shit, that was the worst rhyme in history. He was fucked up.

A year ago, Jacob used to daydream about future stuff. He thought he'd finish school with high honors since he was so good in math and science. He'd all but flunked out now. The report card just arrived. He was supposed to be in summer school, but that wasn't happening with his patrol schedule. Sam didn't care about their educations. He cared about worshiping Emily's ass and making the rest of them bow to his will. Jacob was a dorky kid with a stupid fantasy this older girl would become smitten with him during one of their many get-togethers with their fathers and that Jacob would finally impress her. Maybe they'd date a few years while they both concentrated on school and he'd work hard the whole time saving up money until they could get a place together. Jacob pounded his skull with his fists. There was zero point imagining the rest because none of that was possible. Bella was gone. He watched her walk away at the wedding reception. She went through with it and now in all likelihood she was dead.

 _His Bells_ wasn't his any longer; she was existing only for Edward Cullen and lusting for blood. She was essentially his mortal enemy, but he couldn't escape the feelings that consumed him. He missed her so fucking much. Even though she didn't choose him, he couldn't will himself not to love her anymore. That proved it. He was just as fucked up in the head as Bella had been to love a leech. Jacob was exactly the same. He still loved her. He didn't want to, but what if he couldn't stop? What if he always loved her? He would live a hellish life on earth.

Finally, the idiot appeared from Rachel's room so Jacob could think of something else, anything besides _her_. "Jesus Christ Lahote, put on some damn clothes before you walk around my house. You need to get dressed, clean up your fucking mess, and then leave. Also you owe me a hundred and fifty bucks because there's no damn food left."

"Whoa, you're grumpy without a nap. So chill the fuck out. Su casa es mi casa according to Billy." Rachel brought Paul a pair of gym shorts. She wasn't much better wrapped in last night's soiled bed linens. They both needed to leave.

"Thanks a lot Rach. So glad you moved back and scarred me for life with this shit. You need to get dressed too. And wash those damn sheets! While you're at it, bleach this entire place down because I smell your filthy sex with that beast and I feel like burning my nostrils in hopes of erasing it."

"Oh my God! You're so disgusting Jacob."

Jacob held his hands out and spun around. The kitchen was destroyed. His sister was wrapped in jizzy sheets, Lahote was scratching his ass digging through the fridge and he was the disgusting one? "Where the fuck is Dad? Did he move out to spare himself?"

"No, he offered to go fishing with Charlie at the buttcrack of dawn to help take his mind of that bitch that abandoned him."

Jacob winced every time one of the pack called Bella names. She earned every single one of them, but he still didn't like hearing bad things spoken about her.

"I'm fucking dying here. I haven't slept in two days and I've gone almost that long without eating. This is the last thing I want to come home to. I need to clean the sink before I can even get a glass of water. There isn't even a goddamn slice of bread for toast because of this numbnut. So glad you moved back at the perfect time to look in that moron's eyes. My life wasn't shit enough. Bravo." Jacob clapped with great sarcasm. "Well done, sis."

"Okay, you're a major downer, but we have a plan. Sorry about the mess. We got carried away last night before bed."

Paul added, "I thought that's when the actual carried-aways started." He laughed at his sex joke about Jacob's sister, and honest to God Jacob was about to crack. He was seconds from a full explosion.

"Paul's going to clean up and I'm going shopping. I think there's an egg left, so fry that and it should tide you over until a get back. Meanwhile, go take a nap and hope it improves your foul mood. No one can stand to be around you lately Jacob and you used to be the nice kid."

"Screw you. I used to be a lot of things." Jacob snapped his attention at the sound on the floor.

"Oh shit. Sorry dude, dropped the eggs."

That was it. Jacob was done. He jumped a chair in his way, slammed his body into his packmate and started to choke the life out of Paul. Rachel screamed bloody murder. Once Paul got over the initial shock he was being murdered, he started to fight back. He and Jacob were fully into a cage-like battle when Billy and Charlie came through the door.

"Stop it! Dad, do something. Jacob's an animal with or without the wolf. Let go of my fiancé. You're going to break his arm."

"Jacob Ephraim Black, let go of him before I'm forced to arrest you for assault."

"Do it Charlie. The boy needs to cool off."

Jacob released Paul when Rachel's words sunk in. "Fiancé, you can't be serious? You haven't even been back here six weeks. No, I won't allow it. You can't marry him. Honestly, no one should ever marry Paul Lahote. You have no idea what he's like. I know." Boy, did Jacob know. He'd heard the stories over and over, each nastier than the one before. He was a degenerate. Jacob didn't even know some of that stuff happened with real people. Paul committed acts that Jake previously thought only existed in the darkest pornos. There was no way that he should be a member of the family. It was bad enough he was his brother now. Jacob couldn't escape the pack bond, but he shouldn't be bound to Lahote for life.

"That's enough Jacob. We have company and Charlie's not feeling well. He got some bad news on the lake."

"What is it? Was it Bella? What did they say happened?"

"Um, has she contacted you?"

He hadn't been subtle in the least, "No, I just... I'm sorry Charlie. What was the news?"

"Well, I don't know much. Edward says he's not sure, but Bella got sick. They're taking her to a special clinic overseas. Of course, I pitched a fit. We've got good hospitals here. Well, maybe not here as in Forks, but in Seattle or Portland. I don't know why they'd take her far off. Seems like being in a foreign country already exposed her to something she can't kick. And I have no say so anymore. It's infuriating, like I don't matter. I'm still her father!"

"Where were they?"

"He says South America, but I don't know Jake. Sometimes, I think they only tell me partial truths. In fact, my gut tells me they lie, a lot. Those Cullens lie and I don't know why. I want to call her mother and see if she knows something, but I don't want to upset her either. She gets so emotional when it comes to Bells and the last thing I need is her showing up here. The wedding week almost killed me."

Billy was quiet. Jacob looked to his father for a sign or maybe it was permission. Charlie should not suffer in ignorance like this, but the truth might be way worse.

"You know, fuck this. Sorry Jake, but you've said way worse. I remember the night of your wreck. I'm going over there. I'm sick of sitting around and taking his word for things when Bella's missing."

"Where?"

"The Cullens. It's creepy as shit in that house, but they must have left something behind. I don't know why the entire family disappeared as soon as the wedding ended, but I've been checking around town. Carlisle quit the hospital."

"Chief, I wouldn't do that. They probably have a state-of-the-art security system. How would it look when the Forks Chief of Police gets busted for breaking and entering?"

"I'll go."

Charlie and Billy both said no at the same time.

"It's fine. Dad's right. You shouldn't take that risk. I'll go."

"I can't authorize that Jake. You don't need trouble on your record."

"Charlie, trust me. I won't get caught and I kinda have an idea what to look for." Who knew, maybe Charlie believed he hung out there before with Bells like normal teenagers. Jacob had been inside the crypt once, but he'd been nearby on patrol many nights. His father was right. They had a security system. Jacob had the code memorized. His keen eyesight and hearing paid off in many ways.

* * *

Jacob was only protecting Charlie. He didn't think there was anything at the Cullen's place that would give him leads or comfort, but they might have weird shit hidden in the closets and drawers. He couldn't risk Charlie stumbling onto things he wasn't meant to understand. He wasn't even sure he'd actually go inside. The closer he got, the more he convinced himself that was a really bad idea.

All his plans changed when he heard a car door slam a few hundred yards away. Bella. What if they came back for their things? Maybe she joined them. Jacob stopped. He wanted to see her, but then he couldn't. He couldn't look at her and see one of them, smell the stench of death and deception on her like he'd smelled on all the others. Jacob should remember Bella from that night. He held her close, buried his nose in her strawberry-scented hair and felt her heartbeat against his chest when they shared their last dance. It's how he chose to remember her. He had to get away from here. He'd make a bullshit excuse to Charlie and hope he bought it, but his footsteps betrayed him. Jacob was finally close enough to identify all the Cullens had returned. They were indeed lying to Charlie about being out of the country.

He sucked in the air around him expecting to find that unfamiliar eighth scent of pure wretched leech, but it wasn't there. He smelled someone else and it was completely familiar to him. Jacob went to sleep at night and woke up each day with her memory. _Bella._ She wasn't transformed, she was herself, her human self and the faint thrumming sound hidden behind the walls was another confirmation. He heard her heart beating.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **You know I thrive on feedback and predictions. I'm interested if anyone knows what's happening. Hint: it might not be what you think at first. ;)**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thanks so much for joining me on this bumpy ride.**_

Chapter 2

A cold hand clamped tightly onto Jacob's shoulder. He took a swing at the creep that sneaked behind him.

"Easy there, wolfboy. You're lucky it's me and not him. Edward made it clear to all of us you're not welcome here."

"Get away from me. I'm going inside. What have you bloodsuckers done with Bella?"

"I can't let you do that. There's enough going on and we don't need another battle. Carlisle insisted on stopping by for books and important supplies. We'll be out of here before the others get a whiff. Keep your mouth shut and no one else has to know. It's best if they don't."

The emo vamp was in a standoff with Jacob. He'd silently observed him a few times and during the newborn fiasco, Jasper seemed somewhat reasonable compared to the others, especially the wacko one he was mated to. Jacob was confident he wouldn't make a stupid move because touching him again or keeping him from Bells was as stupid as he could get.

"I'm here on Charlie Swan's behalf. Back the fuck up or I'll call the chief now. He deserves an answer about her. I tried to shield him from her impending demise but that didn't happen, did it? I hear her. I smell her. I feel her and I'm sure as hell not leaving until I find out why that is."

The little witch shrieked when she saw Jacob appear in the doorway with her mate. "Jazz, no! You were supposed to keep watch."

"He did. He watched me walk all the way to the house, so good for you. He's trained well. Where is she?"

"You need to leave, dog. Bella's our family now. This doesn't concern you."

Jacob growled. They could let him pass and stay in one piece or Jacob would happily tear them apart. His mind wasn't on the treaty at the moment. It was only on Bells. Something twisted was transpiring within the walls of the creepy crypt. He smelled medicine and antiseptics mingled with the other scents. Maybe the illness wasn't a cover-up, Bella might really be sick.

Alice announced his approach the entire way down the stairs and into the area where he sensed Bella.

"Bells. Bella, it's me. Where are you honey?"

"Carlisle, Edward, he's coming." Alice shrieked behind him.

The bloodsucker pushed open a door in front of him. "Leave here Jacob Black. How dare you show up unannounced."

"Get out of the way."

"No, Bella can't have any commotion. You're putting her at risk."

Somehow, Jacob knew that was an absolute lie. It was just the opposite and this fake husband was the one that always put her at risk. How could Bella be legally married to a dead guy? He made up his mind the week after the wedding, it was all for show.

The doctor stepped out in the hall with more of the same. "I'm sorry Jacob. I shouldn't have brought everyone back, but I needed a few important items to care for Bella and I was the only one that knew exactly what we needed. I'm sure this is upsetting, but I'm handling Bella's medical care."

"What's wrong with her? Better yet, move. I need to see for myself." The vamps looked at each other. Jacob knew his brain was being picked apart at the moment so he played a good visual what it would be like if he exploded into his wolf at the moment. A panicked look came over Edward. It would be a fucking mess in that narrow hall with the two of them so close. Jacob would do it too. He wasn't bluffing.

"Five minutes then, but you can't touch her. Bella's fragile. She's always been fragile."

"What the fuck ever. You never did know the real Bells."

Jacob expected to walk in and find Bella in a bathrobe blowing her nose and sipping on a bowl of soup. She was a big baby when she got a cold. He saw her through two before the tick reappeared and ruined everything. Unfortunately, that wasn't what was waiting for him in the basement room that oddly resembled an actual hospital. Bella was pale and still, covered up to her neck with a heavy white blanket. She had IV bags attached to her. He counted three. One bag contained a dark red substance. Blood.

Jacob took two long steps to get to her. She smelled the same except for all the artificial medical things connected to her. "What the hell happened to her? Did you expose her to some wild jungle flu? Charlie said you were in South America?"

"We were and it's not your concern. Carlisle is doing everything in his power."

"Bullshit. I'm getting her the fuck out of here. She needs to be in a real hospital." The first thing Jacob did was lean in closer and let her know he was here. "Bells, honey. It's me. I'm going to call Charlie and we're going to get you some help. You'll be feeling better in no time. Bells, can you hear me?"

"She hasn't spoken in weeks."

"Are you fucking kidding me? And you just called Charlie today?"

He broke the first rule, but it wouldn't be the last. Jacob reached down and touched her cheek. Her skin felt like ice. If he didn't see with his own two eyes and sense all the things that proved she was alive, he would be convinced she was dead. No one ran that cold. The heavy blanket wasn't doing its job. Jacob didn't know why he did it, but he jerked it off her, so that Bella's entire body was revealed to him. That's when he saw everything. Horror like he'd never experienced overwhelmed him.

Bella was wearing a soft baby blue cotton gown, and the flat position of her body left nothing to the imagination. He saw all of her, more accurate was he saw what was left of her. Bella was practically a skeleton under there. He had no idea how one could lose that amount of weight in a month. Her legs stretched out to the end of the bed like flesh covered sticks. There was no way they could hold her up any longer. No muscle was left. He ignored the protests from the bloodsucking family. They were all watching now to see what he would do. Jacob touched the hem of her gown not to embarrass or expose her without permission. He wasn't having a peep like he used to dream about. Jacob was merely concerned with the state of her body and something bulky underneath baffled him. He briefly lifted to view what caused him concern.

He dropped her gown immediately once it was clear to him. His empty stomach churned as he struggled to push the bile back down. "She's wearing a fucking diaper. This is how you are doing your best. Bella can't even use the bathroom herself. Her stomach is so caved in, I can see every bone in her body. Why are her arms and legs wrapped with all that shit?" Bella was wound tight with bandages up and down both legs and arms leaving only her feet and hands exposed. Alice pushed her way through and quickly covered Bella's body back up.

"You're disgusting looking at her. She can't be uncovered. She gets restless from the cold."

"She's not just cold, she's frozen. What the fuck? Is this a cryogenics experiment? Bella is completely comatose." Jacob started to vibrate with emotion. He was fucking furious about everything coming out of the Cullen's mouths, but his greatest emotion was fear for _his_ Bells.

Edward spoke with the first excuse. "It was an accident."

"What did you just say? I knew it. I warned her so many times." Jacob lunged and was met with two powerful leeches on either side. The big guy joined the Southern vamp to keep Jacob off Edward. "What did you do to her? This is no accident."

Jacob would prefer the doctor answer his questions, but the little pixie interjected. "A car accident. It was a terrible collision."

Jacob looked back at Bells. He closed his eyes. She was the most beautiful woman in the world to him and at this moment he could barely look at her. "That's a lie. This isn't a car crash. It's something else. Stop lying."

"You all should go upstairs. I need to check Bella's vitals again. I was preparing to hook up a heart monitor. We didn't plan to stay, but the travel was hard on her. I hope we can keep this quiet. I know you're upset, but we don't have the time for pack interactions. Bella needs all our focus."

This was Dr. Fang's nice way of pleading for a free pass. They were never supposed to be in the area without the pack's knowledge. Jacob needed his brothers as soon as fucking possible because he'd need every one of them to get her out. That was the only way, her only hope. Bella would be dead by the end of the week like this.

The whole group crowded into the small room and the doctor's wife attempted fake hospitality. "Yes, Jacob join us upstairs. I have a few things I can prepare. Are you hungry?"

"You want to feed me? Are you insane? I'm not going to eat in this fucking blood drinking household. You think I can think about food with Bella in this condition? I have a heart unlike the rest of you. Tell me right now how you think you're helping her because she is hanging by a thread."

"Well, I'm giving her IV fluids and nutrition as well as some pain medication, but her blood count has been dropping rapidly. That's why I acquired some donor blood. I'm going to research all night and see what other medicines might be relevant in a case like this."

"Like what? What is Bella's case? Why is she unconscious? Why is she this skinny? How did this happen from a car accident? Her face is gaunt and her color is off, but it doesn't look smashed up. You honestly can't handle a car better than that bloodsucker? I've seen you drive before. This is bullshit."

"Um, Bella went for a drive. I'm afraid there was inclement weather. She lost control. It was a surprise storm."

"Bella went for a drive alone in South America? You barely let Bella drive up the road into Forks." Jacob was ready to put the pressure on. He backed Edward into a wall. "Keep lying to me. See what happens next. The guilt is written all over your face. Let it out or I will pull the truth from you and it won't be pleasant. What is wrong with Bella?"

"I told you she had an accident. It's time for you to go. Bella is married to me. I will make all necessary decisions about her care and right now, you're interfering. You're putting her life at risk with your brutish threats and over-the-top ranting. I was there. I heard her dismiss you at the wedding. She chose me, wanted all of me and to be like us. You're nothing to her anymore. You never were as important as you imagined in that teenage brain of yours."

Jacob's vision blurred. The last thing he was going to listen to was Cullen attempts to put him in his place and belittle his connection to Bella. He did this to her. Jacob wasn't sure how, but Cullen was directly at fault.

A cold iron grasp engulfed him. "Rose!" The mother shouted.

Jacob struggled. This bitch was strong. "Forget it Esme. We tried nice. This one can't take a hint. We all know Edward's right. Bella couldn't wait to be in this family. She knew what that meant. I for one am sick of the smell and the constant whimpering of a jilted pup. He needs to go, permanently. I'll escort him outdoors since I'm sure he isn't house trained."

"Need any help babe?"

The ice queen gave Emmett a fuck off look as if he'd insulted her. Jacob would let her vamp-handle him until they got out of the house, but then he'd forget she looked like a Barbie doll. He would enjoy ripping her to shreds and that wasn't possible inside the Cullen's house with the entire family watching.

As soon as they cleared the house, Blondie tightened her hold. She spoke too close to his ear. "Keep going. I have information, but they can't know I'm telling you. We need to get away from the house. Trust me, they're all listening."

Jacob twisted to break away from her once they were in the cover of the forest. He wanted to unleash on this bitch, but she said she had information and something in her tone had him convinced it wasn't continuous bullshit like the rest of them.

She held out her hands like a surrender. "Believe me that was as unpleasant for me as it was for you, but I had to act quickly."

"What the fuck is going on?"

"You're right. We're lying. Bella wasn't in a car crash. Edward is lying above and beyond though. None of us know for certain, but he called Carlisle a few weeks ago for help. He'd tried everything according to him. They're all saying it's a complication of the transformation."

"What transformation?"

"Seriously, do you have an actual dog's IQ?"

"She's human."

"Exactly. That's the complication."

"I don't understand."

"If you saw what's under those wraps, you would. But I have proof Edward is hiding something. I need you to listen." She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and opened up her messages.

The connection was choppy. It was definitely Bella, but her weak voice was going in and out. Jacob listened carefully to hear the faint words she spoke. One thing was obvious. Bella was terrified. "Edward... he won't... I begged... stop... Rose, please..." The voice recording went silent at least ten seconds, but the last thing out of Bella's mouth was perfectly clear. "Help me."

Jacob turned around. Rose grabbed him again. "Don't. You're not ready. Go tell them. You'll need the rest." He knew he needed the pack to get Bella away from her captors. The Cullens were nothing more than kidnappers at this point if Edward put her in that hospital bed. The rest of the family was enabling that bastard and apparently the angry blonde one was the only one with a conscience.

"I have to save her."

"You can't. I'm telling you the truth so you can end her suffering. This is cruel. I'm sure the alpha will handle it so you don't have to, but she's gone. Edward and the others are pretending. I hate she didn't listen to me. I hate it's too late for her, but it is. You know I'm being honest. Think about how she looked once more in your mind. I've seen horrors in this existence, but Bella's state tops them all."

Jacob wouldn't accept that. It wasn't too late. He had to see what was under the bandages with his own eyes. Rose couldn't hold him back this time. He wasn't going through the house either. He ran straight for that basement room, kicked in a wall to make his own door and caught Carlisle by surprise. He was wrapping Bella's arm.

"Jacob!"

He went to Bella's bedside. One wrap was loose. Jacob unraveled it the rest of the way. _Bites._ There were three distinct scars on her left arm. His mind screamed. The room was in chaos again. Jacob blocked them all out as he frantically unwound what seemed to be miles of gauze so he could search the rest of her. The bandages concealed them, but now every scar was on display except both her forearms were covered in plaster casts. He couldn't imagine what those hid. There were at least fifteen scarred over bite marks, maybe more. Bella's pure creamy white skin was mutilated. His eyes locked with Edward's black thirsty ones. Jacob didn't have to say the words for Cullen to know his future. He would die for this, a permanent ending that couldn't come soon enough. It would not be this second because Jacob wasn't an idiot, but this was a direct violation of the treaty. He'd force Sam to understand even though previous arguments fell on deaf ears. Sam called it her choice. No one would choose this. Jacob was going to back out the opening he created to call for backup, but Cullen didn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

"It's not what you think. Bella begged me. She asked for it."

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **Okay, this is bad, really bad, but you know you were so relieved there wasn't a grotesque baby bump under that gown. LOL!**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Alice shoved her brother before Jacob got to him. "Run Edward! Get away now. He's crazed!"

Oh, Jacob was crazed alright. He was fucking insane with hatred bathed in vengeance. Edward Cullen had a date with destiny. His finale would be filled with suffering and torture. There had to be a way to make it last longer. All other kills had been swift and ferocious. Jacob would not let it end too quick and it still wouldn't compare to Bella's torment. That was the worst part of it, he had no idea how much she'd suffered.

The only thing that stopped him from pursuit was a beeping that filled the room. Carlisle turned on the monitor. Jacob turned around to watch what his ears already heard. He traced the bumpy line that echoed Bella's heartbeat. She was alive and that's where his focus remained. He didn't know how since her husband obviously tried to kill her over and over. She must have been so afraid and suffered through unspeakable pain. He couldn't even begin to imagine. He only wanted to make her suffering go away, but that wasn't going to be easy, and not the way Rose urged. No matter what was happening to her, he couldn't ask the pack to end Bells.

"Jacob. I apologize for the cover story. Edward didn't mean it. I believe him. In so many ways this is a tragic accident."

"You can't be serious. How are you all defending him? A graze of his teeth might be an accident. Look at her. He bit her deliberately again and again. Why didn't she die? Why is she still alive? How is she not? I mean, she isn't. No fucking way."

"I have no explanation and neither does Edward. That's why he thought a second bite would hasten the process. Well, he got carried away in his distress that much is obvious, but it was to help not hurt her further."

"Get out!"

"I need to monitor her."

"I said get out. You can monitor from the other side of the door. Your family has stolen the only woman I'll ever love from me. I want a few quiet minutes alone with her. You owe me that."

Carlisle nodded. "I'll be in the hall. Her pulse is thready and weak right now. I didn't tell Edward, but I'm afraid it could be tonight. I'm so very sorry."

Jacob hated to hear those words from the vamp doctor but he already knew. He'd listened to countless heartbeats since his transformation and this one was not right. In so many ways, hearing her heart again was like music, but knowing it could quit any time made it the saddest symphony Jacob could ever imagine.

If only. He should have tried harder, not let Sam or the others drag him away. Bella had doubt in her eyes when they danced. Jacob saw it. She'd married Cullen and still doubted breaking permanent ties with her best friend. They were always more than friends and she couldn't hide it. Bella couldn't hide from Jacob.

"Honey, I'm not sure if you can hear me, but it's just us now. They're all gone. I love you and I hope wherever you are that you're at peace." He feared Bella was in silent agony. Jacob tried to block out the mental images of her being bitten. Each bite must have felt like a burning hell. Bells was tortured. It was obvious, but he tried to convince himself she was no longer in pain. That would make this so much worse if she was trapped inside her body suffering with no way to voice that to the outside world. He tried to hold her hand, but she was so damn cold. He couldn't stand to feel her skin and Bells hated the cold. Strange since she claimed to love the frozen corpse.

The bed wasn't really big enough, but he was determined to try. Jacob climbed on one side. He gingerly lifted her and shifted Bella so he could wrap her in a warm embrace. "There sweetheart. Is that better? You always loved my body heat. Admit it." Jacob brushed her away and this time he saw the worst one over her collarbone. Something told him it was the first of many. Damn that fucker to hell. He would find him soon, but right now she needed him more. Bella needed to know she wasn't alone. He kept speaking soothing words to her, so she'd know how much she mattered. It was a shame how Bella always felt insignificant, but she mattered so much not only to Jacob, but to Charlie. He didn't know much about her mother, but she was important to Renee and to Phil. Angela was a good friend to her, even Mike, Jessica and their strange crew seemed to like her. The pack was let down by her decisions, but most of them didn't actually hate her. They felt bad how it all played out.

"You're loved, honey. I wish I could help. I feeling fucking useless."

Dr. Fang rudely interrupted their moment. Jacob started to push up, so he could make it clear once again he and Bella needed privacy. "No, don't get up. Stay. I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but notice." The doctor approached his monitor. "Look. Listen. Notice the change? Her pulse is stronger and steady. Would you mind if I checked her temperature and blood pressure?"

"Should I move out of the way?"

"No, I don't think so, it's just a theory, but I think your presence is helping."

For the first time since Jacob saw Bella lying there, he had a glimmer of hope. Carlisle busied himself checking machines, Bella's IV and other medical procedures. "The heat Jacob. It's working. Bella's almost back to an ideal body temperature. I tried everything, warm saline, heated blankets, the techniques used for hypothermia. This is encouraging. Can you stay a while?"

He'd stay forever if he needed to. "Um, sure. Like this? I was careful not to mess up anything."

Jacob caressed the back of his hand over Bella's forehead. Her cheeks even pinked up a bit. "Hey honey. I knew this extreme body temperature had a significance, now we know what it is. You feeling better? Please say something Bells."

She kept sleeping, but Jacob wouldn't be discouraged again. A few minutes with him made a difference and according to the leeches, she'd been on the decline for weeks. He needed to get her out of here, but maybe Dr. Fang was actually trying his best and it was a fact with all those scars, he could never take her to a regular doctor. Sue might be able to help some, but she worked for group of doctors and didn't have access to this type of equipment.

"Hey, um, Dr. Cullen. You know I have to call Sam and you can't leave. None of you can leave."

The doctor faked a sigh and nodded. "I was afraid of that. Edward's like a son to me and it was a mistake, I'm sure. I hope that you and alpha can discuss this matter with clear heads and not jump to conclusions."

Jacob's mind was jumping to all sorts of conclusions, most of which made his empty stomach lurch, but he kept his true feelings inside. He wasn't letting this go, but he also didn't want the doctor caring for Bella to get distracted. "Well, I'm sure it wasn't an accident and that you're damn gullible to believe it if that's the case, but right now, I'm staying next to Bells. You say it's helping so I'm staying put."

* * *

The tick was back within the hour. He obviously had a death wish. "Get away from my wife. Carlisle, what is the meaning of this? Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"Edward, calm down. I asked him to stay."

"Honestly, you asked him to lay with my wife? This is highly inappropriate. You haven't seen inside his mind. I remember clearly the night in the tent."

"Oh, you mean when I kept Bells from freezing to death? Yeah, this is kinda similar only it's something far worse than the elements that got her in this condition."

"You fantasized about her."

The blonde she-vamp approached, "Shut up Edward! What's happening Carlisle? She seems different."

The doctor gave her an update while Edward made more accusations about other people's wrongdoings.

"It was you that betrayed the family by telling this dog some elaborate tale about what you think you know. My, my Rosalie. You missed your calling. You should've been an actress with those theatrics about ridding us of Jacob Black."

"Make no mistake. I know enough. She asked for help and now the dog knows. You can't escape from this Edward." She turned her attention back to Bella. "So the wolf heat is making a difference?"

"Yes. She's stabilized. I need a new blood sample to be more thorough, but perhaps I should wait until tomorrow. Give it more time."

"He is not staying here all night."

Jacob had enough. He did not want to leave Bella's side, but this wasn't going to work with the leech whining the entire time. His very presence anywhere in Bella's vicinity was unnerving. All Jacob's instincts told him the leech must be ripped apart immediately because of what he did to her. But it wasn't possible. She was more important than anything else at the moment. Carlisle wasn't convinced of Edward's guilt. A fight would erupt and that was detrimental to Bella's health. Jacob hated to admit it, but he needed Carlisle because he had no idea what she was up against.

Jacob stalked toward Edward. He couldn't knock his head off, but he put a scare into him. The pixie and her mate rushed inside the room to run interference.

"Stop this. Carlisle, this is our home. Make him leave... for good."

"Alice, everyone needs to calm down. Jacob's presence helps Bella. It isn't scientific, but there's something about her we have never fully comprehended and I can't mimic his supernatural warmth. Bella is all our priority, is she not?"

Jacob's eyes bore into the cold dead ones of the tiny tick. "You knew. You saw beforehand and you did nothing. Bella thought you were her friend. That makes you just as guilty as him. Don't expect me to forget either. A day of reckoning awaits anyone responsible for Bella's condition. Now I suggest everyone, but the doctor leave unless today is the day you seek your entrance into hell."

A few silent glances were exchanged between the coven. Everyone seemed to listen to Carlisle, and backed away, but let Jacob know they were a heartbeat away. Rose was the last to leave.

"What? Are you waiting around to see if I'm about to euthanize Bells?"

She shook her head. "I did not think... I guess I was wrong, but it seemed so hopeless."

"Yes, you were wrong and I was right. As long as she breathes and has a heartbeat, there's hope."

* * *

Before Jacob climbed back on the bed with Bells, he reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone.

"Seth?" He looked down to make sure he hit the right contact.

"Yeah, Jake, where are you? Quil's been looking for you."

"Where's Sam?"

"He's hanging curtains for Emily. Scratch that Emily corrected me, they're sheers."

"Seth, shut the fuck up. I don't care about all that shit, get Sam on the phone."

"Hold on. He says five more minutes. They're almost straight."

Jacob shook the thought of Sam on a short leash of Emily's. Jacob raised his voice so the kid would know how serious he was, "The Cullens are back! Bella's here and she's sick. Tell him that and then see if he fucks me around five more minutes."

It didn't take twenty minutes for the entire pack to surround the Cullen's house. Rose and Emmett were attempting to cover the giant hole in the wall when Jacob pushed his way out again.

Quil spoke first, "It's true. Is that Bella's heartbeat I hear?"

"Yes."

Sam's face hardened. "Explain yourself Jacob. You shouldn't have hidden this from me."

"I hid nothing. I came here to keep Charlie away and have been trying to sort out the fuckery ever since. I thought my best friend was about to die in my arms, so excuse me for taking a few hours before I could call." Jacob yelled to Carlisle to join them.

He came outside apologizing. "I apologize for evading the treaty rules. I assure you it wasn't intentional. Jacob is correct. Bella's life hung in the balance."

"What's wrong with her? This is not the plan you laid out to me before she married. You weren't coming back and she..."

Sam's voice trailed off when he stared at Jacob. "Plans change, Sam. The doc doesn't know what's wrong yet. She's sick, very sick and my arrival has helped stabilize her so I'm going to be staying here a little while until she wakes up."

"You mean she's so sick she is unconscious? Let me see her."

"NO!"

Jacob glanced at Carlisle. "Actually, he's right. She is fragile at the moment. We wouldn't want to undo the slight progress she recently experienced. I must insist Bella's visitors be kept to only Jacob Black for now."

"You told her father?"

"No, it's too soon."

"Why not tell him and move her to a regular hospital? You're not telling me everything."

Jacob asked Carlisle to go back inside to check on Bella. He worried about her being alone.

He approached his brothers. "Look, I will explain more later. Bella gets so cold without me. I can't be gone more than a few minutes. It's the leech. He's lying to me and he was trying to hide Bella's illness. Sam, you have to set up watch. No one can leave here until we figure this out. As soon as I can make a run with Bells, I will and then I'll alert Charlie."

"Of course, we'll monitor the Cullens, but you need to tell me everything."

"Can't you see how fucking stressed out I am? Give me a break. A few days. You know where we'll be. Quil, tell my father, please. Grab me some extra clothes and stuff from home. Also, Lahote. Get me some fucking food."

"Sure Jake, got any money on you?"

"No, I don't and I wouldn't give it to you if I did. You owe me a month's worth of groceries as it is. So scram. Knock on the wall and I'll come out. I'm starving and I'm not about to eat any of their food."

"They seriously have food in there? Creepy. I wonder what it is?"

"No idea, but are we cool? All of us? Bella stayed human. That's what's important, and she's back and it's all our duty to protect her. Right, Sam?"

Sam nodded, but the stern look he gave Jacob meant he wasn't happy the way Jacob called the shots.

* * *

Jacob felt relaxed for the first time in a month, maybe longer when he curled against Bella again. Sam was suspicious, but he promised to have a meeting and arranged protection while monitoring the Cullens. Carlisle interrupted his partial bliss as Jacob took time to really breath her in again.

"You didn't tell them."

"No, Sam would've overreacted. He isn't the most reasonable."

"I understand, but he listens to you. In a way, you have influence over all of them, even the alpha. Fascinating."

Jacob ignored Carlisle's implication. "Look, I get it. You're doctoring Bells, but can we have some privacy? I'm pretty sure I can fall asleep for a while, but not if you're lurking around me. She's better, right?"

"Yes, all her vital signs are now normal."

"Good and tomorrow you'll check her blood. Hopefully, that will show improvements as well."

"Yes. I need to speak to my family, so I can step out for now."

Jacob lifted his head to ask one more important question. "Um, one more thing. I need to know and nothing was made clear earlier. Why didn't? I mean, why is Bells?"

"Human."

"Yeah, have you ever heard of something like this? You've been around for centuries, right?"

"Indeed I have and no, this is an impossibility."

"Then why?"

"I can't answer that. Bella's different. Edward still believes."

"Believes what?" Jacob hardly cared what that fucker believed, but he still wanted to know anything that pertained to Bella.

"He thinks the venom is dormant and the change will come soon."

Jacob swallowed the lump in his throat. He couldn't bear the thought of that. "And you? Do you believe that too?"

"The transformation into our kind takes roughly three days. I can see variables occurring but over three weeks time, no. There's no way. She can't be turned. I've done samples: blood, urine, tissue, nail and hair samples. Not one trace of venom remains in her body. It's like it can't penetrate her system. It vanishes. I have no answer as to why. The first bite from James seemed to have been having the effect before Edward removed it, but I can't say this time because I wasn't there."

"You mean for the repeated biting?"

"Jacob. He panicked."

"So he says no bites affected her?"

"I should let you have your rest."

"Tell me. Was she in pain? Did he at least admit that?"

"A vampire bite is painful. From what I gathered that part was consistent. It's hard for Edward to discuss it. He's very distraught."

"I'm sure it is hard to recount trying to kill a person you claimed to love. Explain her condition then. Was there blood loss?"

Carlisle turned around to avoid Jacob's line of questioning again.

"He was drinking her blood, wasn't he?"

"Blood is spilled when a victim is bitten. I don't mean Bella is a victim, it's all so unfortunate."

"Bella is a victim. She is the worst case of an abused wife you've ever seen, isn't she?"

"I didn't say that. I know my son. He has excellent control. He saved her from the hunter, James, and he has protected her since her arrival and subsequent affiliation with our family."

"Answer the damn question then. Why in your medical opinion is Bella like this? You said the venom evaporated. That means it isn't present to cause her symptoms. What is happening to her?"

"I have only one theory, but Edward thinks it's preposterous."

"Well, I've never given a single fuck what he thinks. Tell me your theory. Maybe I can help if I have a better understanding."

"The mind is a powerful thing. I believe there is life and death within the human psyche."

"And..."

"There is no other medical explanation. I've searched for every disease, bacteria, virus, or infection known to man. Bella has none of them. That has led me to the conclusion, it's her doing."

"I'm not following."

"Bella is willing herself to death. It's horrible and I don't understand why, but she's been killing herself slowly Jacob. She had a mental breakdown and this is her chosen method of suicide. Perhaps, her decision to leave her life and family became an overwhelming burden."

* * *

Jacob barely slept off and on next to Bella. Paul finally came through for once and brought Jacob two double cheeseburgers, fries and an extra large chocolate shake. He double checked who was on patrol for the night and accepted a call from Billy. He was sick with worry, but Rachel promised to calm him down and take care of him. Billy was forced to lie and make up a story to Charlie who'd asked all day if Jacob found anything. The guys were on alert to watch out for him in case the chief took it upon himself to investigate.

He heard Rose and Edward in a heated argument outside the door once. She was doing her job keeping him away. Carlisle was in and out checking on Bella, but he turned out the lights for the night and promised Jacob he would leave them alone so he could research medical journals in his office directly above the room they were in.

Ever since the theory was given to him, he'd barely been able to think of anything else. Dr. Fang had to be wrong. Bella wouldn't do that. Was it even possible? Recurring memories plagued him. Jacob eavesdropped on conversations between Charlie and his father when Bella was in her depressed stage. It was before they really spent time together. Charlie called her a shell of a human being once. She did take sorrow to the next level, but this? The leech hurt her, that was the explanation, but if what Carlisle was saying was true? He couldn't find an underlying illness, so why had her condition stayed this dire?

Jacob wrapped his arm around her a little tighter. He kissed her forehead. "I'm still here, Bells. I need you to know that. I'm not leaving. Take as long as you need, but there's no danger. I love you. Please get better. You have to." He wanted to take it all away, Bella's pain whether it be physical or mental. He wanted to listen to her and make her smile like he did a long time ago. Jacob wanted to believe they could get back there. He was a dumb kid when she came to him with the bikes and he made a difference. He knew so much more now so he should be even better, but he was feeling pretty helpless despite her recent changes.

Jacob continued to stroke her thick hair, telling her encouraging things, and recounting special secrets between them hoping it jogged her mind. That's when he felt the dampness against his face. Jacob lifted up to see. Tears streamed down both of Bella's cheeks. She was crying silent tears. She made no other movements or noises, but the tears flowed freely. Jacob traced each one that fell for several minutes. Deep inside her shell, Bella was broken. Maybe Carlisle was onto to something, but why? Jacob's heart ached because there was only one explanation. Something horrible and traumatic had occurred. Bella lost all hope. First priority was to give her a reason to come back to him, and the second task was to find out exactly what forced her into this dark descent. He had an idea, but the truth at the moment was almost too much for Jacob to bear, so he rested his head against hers and gave himself over to sleep. Reality was not where he wanted to be for the next few hours. He only wanted to imagine a simpler time when Bella was almost his.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **I'm depressed for these two broken souls. Anyone else?**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A**_ **t first I was going to give you a really long chapter, but it was too much to handle in more than one way. I split it.**

Chapter 4

The next few days Jacob fell into a routine with Bella. The pack was near but not intruding. He knew that would end soon if Sam didn't get answers. Jacob tolerated Dr. Cullen and Rose, but no one else. He took small breaks to go outside, eat and freshen up usually when Rose would tend to Bella's personal needs. She remained stable but Bella never woke up. Jacob would lie next to every night and talk to her, and every night tears would escape her closed eyes and stain both their cheeks. He was reaching her, but it wasn't enough. It was like he could never get a true grasp because if he had, he would have pulled her back into life with him.

The tick made his presence known too often, but given the constant presence of the wolf pack and the threats by Jacob, he always retreated after a quick update from the doctor. Jacob listened to the last update Carlisle gave at the door. When he came back inside, Jacob challenged him.

"She's leveled off, no more improvements." Jacob didn't tell Carlisle about the tears the first night, but when it happened again, he asked him if it was a reflex. That prompted him to tap all over Bella's arms and legs for common muscular reflexes. The reaction was little to nothing. Jacob hated those bulky casts on her arms.

"How long does she need these?"

"Maybe another month."

"Bella's arms should not be broken. I want to know why they are."

"She is accident prone. You're aware of that, I take it."

"Yeah, but I'm not buying that excuse because I'm pretty fucking sure it's related to her husband sucking the life out of her. I'd really like to know why she has two broken arms. The truth."

"Well, Edward mentioned she had a great fall."

"Yeah, that's what they all say. Are they even healing? Have you x-rayed them?" Jacob suspected Carlisle never painted the full picture. He constantly watched him write things down in a leather-bound book. He really wanted to get his hands on that book, but the vampire always carried it out of the room when he went upstairs.

"Right before you arrived, I did an x-ray, and they showed a small amount of healing. I set them when I arrived in Brazil. Her condition might slow the process. I really need her blood count to show more improvement. It would help if she was eating a nutritious diet, but that's not possible if we can't wake her."

"What about a feeding tube? How good is this IV nutrition?"

"It sustains her, but I'd like to try a gastric tube. I was planning to discuss that with you today."

"Where is this donor blood coming from?"

"Edward acquires what I need."

Jacob thought of something the last time he watched Carlisle hang a new bag of blood.

"He is bringing you junk blood. Her count never improves. I have an idea. What about some hearty wolf blood?" Jacob stretched both his arms out. "Take as much as you need. I'll regenerate quick and it could be exactly what she needs. You've seen how we heal."

"Um, yes, well. Rose asked me that yesterday, but I'm afraid, I can't."

"Why not?"

"You're not the correct blood type."

"How do you?"

"I sampled some of your blood after your injury for research purposes."

"That's creepy as fuck. Did my Dad say that was alright?"

"No, I apologize. I didn't ask permission. I was curious about the wolf healing and wanted to study the composition of your blood. I'm afraid I know little about a shifter's makeup. What I know about true werewolves is more legend and folklore. It was for my own personal knowledge. I never meant any harm."

Jacob never fully accepted any of Carlisle's many apologies; he was always sorry for something. Sorry wasn't good enough. "Take my blood. Give it to her."

"It could cause a bad reaction."

"She can't get much worse. Admit it. Other than stabilizing her vitals, Bella hasn't shown other improvements. She isn't waking up, and she's not getting stronger or gaining weight. Take the damn blood. Start slow. Monitor her. I insist."

"Wouldn't you like to discuss it with your family and the others?"

"Why? There's no fucking risk for me to donate blood. I'm not dumb. I'll ask one of the guys to step inside and make sure you don't bleed my dry."

"I would never do such a thing."

"Well, I'd rather have back up."

"You'll allow them to see her?"

"Sam just went home to sleep. I will allow Embry. He is the best at keeping secrets."

"I'll need Rose to assist and I have a few things to set up so that we're prepared for complications."

"Fine. I'm going to speak to Emb and you make your preparations. Don't tell _him._ "

"Yes, I don't think that's wise. Edward would protest for certain. Fine, I should be ready in thirty minutes."

"So will I."

* * *

Jacob suffered a brief bought of wooziness, but Embry came through with a sugary soda and few sandwiches from the pack's stash. Carlisle admitted he took more than the standard donation and that Jacob would need to take it easy for a while that afternoon.

He was wrong about her having a bad reaction. It had been almost an hour and Bella showed no signs of a complication. She hadn't miraculously woken up either, but he was going to be patient. It had to work. Nothing else worked.

Embry couldn't stop staring. "I can't believe that's Bella. No wonder you've been so crazy. What do you think it is?"

Jacob evaded his questions until Carlisle stepped out of the room. He pulled himself out of his seat and walked closer to Bells. "You can't say anything. Not yet, but I'll show you." Jacob gently extracted Bella's right arm from under the covers. Carlisle had covered her other arm with a sterile drape, so that Embry couldn't witness the blood transfusion.

"Look what he did to her. That's only a portion. They're everywhere."

Embry stumbled backwards. He held his hand over his mouth to suppress his reaction. "Holy fuck Jake. She's a vampire."

"No, you idiot. Use your senses. She's alive. She didn't turn. Bells can't turn."

"How do you know?"

"Because Dr. Fang told me."

"I wonder what Bella will think about that."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I don't know. Wasn't that the plan? She seemed determined."

"Everyone needs to shut the fuck up about the plan and you're missing the point. Edward Cullen whisked Bella away on a secret honeymoon and unleashed his true nature on her. This is the result. I don't want to hear another word about her going along with any of it, because that's a damn lie. Bells didn't want this."

"Sam's gonna freak."

"Sam is going to chill the fuck out before I tell him and I'm not telling him until Bella wakes up to tell her side of the story. All these fucking bloodsuckers only lie."

"Even the doctor? You two seem fairly chummy."

"Trust me, we're not chums. He tells lies of omission, but I can tell he wants to help just not enough to turn over his sadistic son to us."

"We're going to war with the Cullens, aren't we?"

"We'll do what needs to be done when the time is right. Embry, swear to me this stays between us until I say so."

"I won't say anything, but Sam's getting more restless each day. He knows you're hiding something."

"Bella will wake up. We need to wait for that day."

"What if she doesn't Jacob? I'm sorry, but she looks real bad. What if this is it for her? I've heard of people stuck in coma for years before the family pulls the plug. Can you do that for her? Because keeping her like this seems wrong to me."

"There's no plug. Bella listens to me every night and cries. She's trying. It's hard, but she'll get there. She's not a vegetable. I think you should go before the others wonder what's up."

"You sure? You still look a little green."

"I'm fine. Go. But promise me again."

"I promise Jake."

* * *

A few hours later, Carlisle decided to take one more blood sample before letting Jacob sleep for the night. Jacob was used to the process. He didn't even turn away now like he had the first few times. He passed the time by asking questions and almost felt like he'd gained some medical knowledge. Once Carlisle invited him to look at some slides through the microscope. Given a different set of circumstance with another patient, Jacob would find the whole process interesting.

As soon as the doc swiped an alcohol wipe over Bella's skin, she flinched. She'd never reacted before. Carlisle held her arm straight. He and Jacob both stared wide-eyed. This time Bella jerked her arm with some force.

Jacob cautioned him, "Wait, don't stick her. Bells. Can you hear me? Dr. Cullen wants to take a blood sample."

A gargled whimper came from Bella's mouth. She was waking up. Carlisle spoke to her. "Bella you're going to feel a slight stick."

"Noooo," came out like a groan followed by shrieking. They were completely taken aback how loud she was. Bella went from silent to breaking Jacob's eardrums. The screams hurt her. She tried to reach for her throat. Jacob could read the frustration and confusion written all over her face. Carlisle spoke up and Bella reacted again.

Jacob motioned for him to back away. He wanted to try. "Bells, it's okay. You don't have to do that blood test. No more sticks or painful stuff. Just relax, take deep breaths. It's me. I won't let anything hurt you."

Her eyelids fluttered until she got them to stay open. He watched her expression change. She wasn't as upset, maybe still a bit confused. Bella's lip trembled, and the tears followed. She'd cried a lot with Jacob beside her, but this time it was like she actually knew why she was crying. He reached over and wiped a few away, "Shh, it's okay. I'm really here."

She moaned and groaned a little before acting like she wanted to get up. Carlisle put his hand on her shoulder. "Not yet. Lie still. I'd like to give you a quick examination."

The shrieking started up again. Bella really didn't like the sound of Dr. Fang's voice. Her head moved side to side like she was searching for something or someone. Her whole body started to shake.

"She might be having a seizure. It could be a reaction."

"Yes, to you. Back up. Let me talk to her." Jacob took her hand first. "Hey, it's okay. No one is going to touch you. Look at me Bells." He tried to turn her chin so she would only focus on him, but even that simply gesture frightened her. At least she calmed some when he talked to her. She blinked rapidly but found Jacob's eyes. He smiled. "Yeah, me. Only look at me. Does it hurt to talk?"

She nodded.

"Okay, no talking then. Breathe with me, 'kay." Bella's mind was totally with it. She understood. Jacob practiced deep breaths in and out. She was doing the same. "Much better. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You're awake. That's all that matters. Is it okay if I talk and tell you what's going on?"

Jacob chose his words carefully. She was upset waking up and it wasn't the time to make her think of anything else unpleasant. She was in some discomfort that much was obvious.

"Bella, you are back in Forks. You have been sick. Look at this." He pointed to one of her lines. "See. You're getting fluids, medicine and nutrition in an IV. Dr. Cullen has been treating you." The panic set in again as soon as she heard the name. "It's okay. I'm overseeing. Do you understand? No one comes to see you without my approval." She tried to look around the room again. Jacob was certain who she was looking for, but he wasn't sure what all she remembered. "He's gone. It's for the best since he and I never get along in close quarters. Is that okay?"

She blew a loud flow of air from her lungs. She remembered plenty since hearing Edward was absent was a huge relief. Carlisle motioned for Jacob with his head. "Hold on, Bells. Can I step across the room for a second?"

She hadn't let go of Jacob's hand and she squeezed harder.

He was going to lean in and kiss her forehead, whisper some reassurance again to her. but Bella turned away. The hand contact was fine, but she was skittish even of him.

"I'm going over to the desk. I swear I'm not leaving."

She finally relaxed her fingers and let him go.

"Jacob I need to examine her."

"She's awake. That's all you need to know for now."

"No it's not. I need samples: blood, urine, and I need to check her vitals."

"We can hear them. She's stable, but she's afraid. You will not touch her until she says it's okay. Did you see that shit earlier?"

"Maybe I should acquire an EEG."

"What the fuck is that?"

"It measure brain functions."

"Her brain is fine. Bella recognizes me. She is communicating to me with her eyes and they say she wants to be left alone. Either you back off or she and I leave."

"You cannot leave with her. She's far too fragile. Edward wouldn't hear of such a thing."

"Edward is out of the equation."

"I understand there is an ongoing feud between the two of you, but he is her husband now."

"No, that's over. I don't accept the marriage. Bella's isn't married to him."

"I was there. I hired the minister. They have a marriage license."

"Oh yeah, how do you all acquire ID's?"

"Well, we have someone that keeps that in order."

"Forged, right?"

"No. I prefer not to use that term."

"Yes. Forged means fake. Bella can't marry a fake person. She isn't married. Case closed. Bye."

"God ordained it. That's what matters most to our family."

"Really? God ordained Bella's marriage to a demon? Try again. You can go. My idea worked. Bells is back. As soon as she's stronger, we're leaving."

Jacob hoped that was sooner than later.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **Thoughts? Questions? Let me know.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**~A/N You've all been great so far. I appreciate your questions and interest for this different spin on things. I have to remind you again, I have very specific intentions with this story so this chapter comes with a trigger warning.**_

 _ **I have to break you before I can piece you back together...**_

Chapter 5

Jacob decided to stay in the chair tonight since Bella seemed to be tossing and turning quite a bit. She was in and out since her miraculous awakening. Maybe she was afraid to close her eyes if she realized how long she'd been out. He kept his connection to her by holding her hand. "Even if it feels like you've been sleeping forever, you really should try to sleep."

She coughed. Jacob got her water. Bella took a few sips of water and some juice, but she couldn't tolerate the clear broth Rose brought earlier. It was too soon. Her stomach was used to being empty.

"He. Um... I can't," she grimaced from the pain. Jacob wasn't sure what that was about. Her screaming? The long period of time in silence?

"He won't."

Her bottom lip trembled. She rocked her body side to side. Carlisle didn't want her to sit up, but Jacob could tell she wanted to.

"Hold on. I'll help." Bella felt like skin over bones. He was so careful touching her almost like he worried she'd break, so the process took forever.

"I need..." she started to cry again.

Rose arrived. "It's bedtime." Rose usually made one last stop before they went to sleep for the night to make sure Bells was comfortable and clean. Jacob was pretty sure Bella didn't realize how bad off she'd been. "I can't believe you're sitting up Bella. Amazing. She shouldn't have this core strength so soon."

"It's the blood."

"Probably. Let's all hope she never howls at the moon." Jacob rolled his eyes, fucking bitch always took digs at him, but she'd been an asset. "Bella, would you like to use the actual bathroom on your own? I mean the dog can carry you and I can assist."

Bella tried to hide her face from him. "Don't be embarrassed Bells. You were unconscious."

"Do you want me to leave you with Rose or carry you to the bathroom?"

Eventually, she reached for Jacob, so he could carry her to the small bathroom in the back of the room.

He stuck his head outside and whistled. Paul was first to respond. "What's up? Is it time to kill?" Lahote asked that several times a day. He was in kill mode and Sam kept telling him to knock it off. For once, Jacob saw eye to eye with Paul.

"No. I wish, but where's the bloodsucker?"

"He's hunting. Quil and Embry are following him out while he takes out Bambi's Mom and Pop. It's pretty sad."

"She's awake Paul."

"No shit!"

"Yes and when he gets back, I'm afraid there's going to be a huge altercation. Warn everyone. I might need to run with her. Bella doesn't want to see him."

"Is she up for a run?"

"I think so. Dr. Fang gave her a bunch of my blood. She's coming around faster than expected."

"Wow. That's fucking awesome. Should've tried that days ago."

"I know."

Jacob walked back in the room. Rose helped her to a chair. "She said she feels like sitting up a while."

"Okay. That's great. Was everything okay with, you know?"

"She insisted I ditch the diapers. I think that's progress."

He gave her two thumbs up, but Bella only stared at nothing. Damn. Jacob didn't know how to behave. He said about anything and everything when she was asleep, but he was so damn worried of saying the wrong thing to her now. It was like she wanted him near, but not too near. He never wanted her to react to him like she had over Dr. Cullen. She seemed decent with Rose, but overall Bella was void of expressions or emotions.

That all ended when Edward came inside the house. Jake heard the chaos before he made it inside the room. Paul was toe to toe with him. The guys were insisting he couldn't visit her, but Edward had the majority of the family behind him.

"He's her husband. Let him through."

Bella lost it again. She started screaming, violently thrashing in the chair by the mere sound of the leech's voice even though she covered her face intitially. Someone mentioned seizure. It was Rose. Jacob couldn't make much sense of anything, but he flipped the fuck out. _He_ did this. If she fully regressed, the wait was over. Edward pleaded with Carlisle to do something. Pieces of furniture flipped over, glass broke in the background and no one was backing down. The room was way too small for what was about to happen. Jacob had to protect Bells. She was in the middle. He shouted for the pack to stand down and they immediately followed his order. Carlisle calmed his family and gave Bella something in an IV which worked almost instantaneous. There was a great deal of posturing back and forth, wolf versus vampire. Eventually the room was cleared. Rose got Bella back onto the bed.

Jacob pulled the guys aside, "Don't let him through again."

"What happened to her?"

"I'll tell you everything later. Watch for my signal." Jake gave instructions to prepare his father and told Seth to put Sue on alert. He needed her ready for a mini emergency if Bella flipped out like that again. He was glad Sam wasn't there or he'd have way more to deal with. When Bella recovered from that seizure or whatever it was, they were leaving. No question now.

Jacob came back to find Rose redressing her. He turned around to give Bells privacy.

"She wet herself, but she actually said 'fuck no' about another diaper. Since when does she curse? That's real progress. I like opinionated Bella."

He thought, _me too_. "Can I turn around?"

"Yes, she's decent. It's okay. Just a minor setback." For the first time, Bella forced a flat smile. Her cheeks burned bright red. She looked stoned now that he studied her more closely. "It's okay. The seizure did it. She's gaining strength by the minute. I bet the big bad wolf peed his bed when that newborn broke all his bones. Isn't that right dog?"

"I did no such..." Rose scowled at him. "I mean, yeah probably." He changed the subject.

"So what about these seizures?"

"Extreme stress. We'll need to keep her calm. Bella, you should be feeling drowsy soon. Don't fight it. The medicine will help you sleep and rest helps with the healing process."

She made eye contact so Jake answered what he imagined she wanted to know. "I stay even at night. I sleep beside you to keep you warm. You don't seem to mind. Perhaps, I should sit in the chair tonight to give you room."

Carlisle mentioned monitoring her closely for the rest of the night. Bella shook her head slightly since his back was turned to them.

"No, I think Bells needs her routine and you know how I feel about being watched when I'm trying to sleep. I'll shout if we need you."

Rose seconded Jacob. They would hear if she needed him. The two leeches left them and Jacob made an exaggerated noise of relief.

"Finally, I can breathe again. Bella?" Her eyes locked on him. "You don't have to talk since it hurts. Edward upsets you, right?"

She nodded.

"Okay, let me handle it. Blondie is right. Don't fight the meds, but when I see an opportunity, we're getting the hell out of here. Don't panic if you wake up and we're running through the woods. Does that sound okay? Can you handle such a thing?"

"Please..." she moaned.

He took that to mean please yes, get me the fuck away from these monsters. She extended her arm like she was reaching for him.

"You sure? I can stay in the chair."

"So cold."

"Okay. You don't want to talk about cold. You practically had icicles hanging off you the first night I got here."

Bella didn't respond to his lame jokes, but her breathing slowed, and she seemed content to be close to him. Jacob didn't wrap himself around her like normal. He just laid there practically hanging off the bed. Once she was out, he decided to slip off the bed and get busy organizing his plan. Something out of the ordinary on the floor caught his eye. It was the journal. Carlisle must have dropped it during that insane commotion when most of the pack and all the Cullens surrounded Bella.

Jacob needed that book. Maybe he could give it to Sue, and it would help her figure out Bella's care. Jacob walked over to the small light that stayed on all night and opened it to the first page. There was a lot of crap he didn't understand. It must be in some kind of doctor's shorthand, but a few things stood out.

He saw a reference to Bella's arms. Carlisle labeled an arm and indicated both bones in the forearms were broke in both her left and right arm. That wasn't a fall. Jacob always knew that was a lie, but Bella was small even before her drastic weight loss. How could she do anything with enough force to break four bones at once? She couldn't. It would take super human strength. Jake did his best not to dwell on what might have occurred while he watched vigil over Bells, but this book brought all his worst nightmares to the forefront of his mind. That fucker must have tossed her around like a rag doll. She was no match for him.

Jacob turned page after page with numeric equations and pharmaceutical information, but finally a diary-like entry halted his search. Carlisle wrote a passage about the day he arrived and the days that followed.

 _She screams constantly if I don't keep her sedated. Edward is beside himself. He wanted to inject her again. I stopped him. I can't imagine what went through his mind to lead him to this. One bite should have done it. I wished he would have called sooner._

 _I insisted he leave for a time to hunt. The family shouldn't bear witness to the change in his eyes, especially Rosalie and Esme. They wouldn't understand. He'd been so strong unlike Jasper. Edward was our most dependable member next to me. I didn't dwell on what caused his stumble._

 _Bella's condition worsens by the hour with her refusal to eat or drink. I'm concerned with the amount of drugs I must give her just to care for her personal needs. She won't allow us near her when she's conscious. Her menstrual cycle had been an issue. Edward had no experience with such things; he couldn't understand why she bled constantly with no signs of stopping. The pelvic exam exposed deep lacerations that needed suturing. Infection was a concern, so I started antibiotics._

 _Edward hung his head in shame when he admitted they consummated the marriage when she was human. He never wanted to, but Bella insisted. Then she pleaded to be turned to start the process. She didn't want to wait. He complied with her wishes and nothing went according to plan..._

Jacob stopped reading. He ran to the small bathroom to heave the contents of his stomach. He fell onto cold, hard floor and stared at the ceiling. The words were embedded in his mind forever. _Deep lacerations, bled constantly, pelvic exam._ He raped her. Maybe the fear was in the back of his mind, but for some reason Jacob never thought of Cullen that way. What way? Sexual? He had no idea what he'd tried to convince himself previously. Hurting her like this had nothing to do with sex or love. Carlisle is a damn fool. He's a doctor. He has to know what really happened. The leech drank from her too. That's what he meant about his eyes and he covered for him. It was disgusting and Bella was a causality of their revolting existence.

Time was most definitely up for this coven except Blondie had proven herself. Maybe she wasn't the only one with some decency, but Edward was not the only one destined to perish for hurting Bella. Jacob hoped the pack would agree. The leech would pay the ultimate price for this treachery. No wonder Bella was absolutely petrified waking up still surrounded by these creatures. He came back into the room to find her making noises. Jacob grabbed the journal with one hand and rubbed Bella's palm with his other. His touch calmed her restless mumbling. He stared at her a few silent minutes. She was broken and fragile, but he saw past all that. She was still his Bells beneath the trauma and the horror.

Jacob found a female anatomical drawing next. Carlisle made an X where each bite existed. He also had small circles all over the drawing. What did those mean? He searched for some explanation. There were 13 bites. He'd overestimated before but it made sense, unlucky 13. What the fuck did those damn circles mean. There had to be close to fifty. His eyes ached from straining in the dark. His sight was excellent, but these dim pencil marks blurred from his flooding vision. He was glad she was asleep so she wouldn't see how much he cried. Jacob couldn't help it. How could he not cry knowing what happened? Eventually, he came to an unfamiliar word, but he knew what it meant.

 _Her worst contusions on the forehead and throat are slow to heal. All the others have disappeared. I hope these fade before the family arrives. Again, I'm afraid they won't understand. Edward said he had to hold her down during the fits for her own protection. Her larynx was damaged. The constant screaming didn't help. Now she makes no noise._

Contusion meant bruise. The drawing had a large circle on Bella's temple and the entire front of her neck. That's what the circles were. Carlisle documented every bruise and they were plenty. Bella must have been black and blue. Broken bones, bleeding, screaming in terror when he arrived, and Carlisle had the nerve to write the word accident over and over in this journal. He said it right to Jacob's face. This was attempted murder which included rape and an apparent choking. He sure as hell didn't know how she survived it, but he definitely understood why she gave up and started willing herself to death.

That was the ultimate miracle. Bella survived. There was no reasonable explanation for her survival. But she was here, living and breathing right in front of Jacob. He had to cling to that hope. Her life meant more than she ever imagined. He vowed to help her anyway possible. The universe gave her back to him when a week ago he'd lost all hope in love, friendship or purpose.

Bella spoke softly in her sleep, "I'm sorry Jake."

"Bells. Stop. You have nothing to be sorry for. I... I love you honey. You're my best friend. I'm going to take care of you."

"I came back to you."

"I know."

She shook her head like he was interrupting her. Bella's voice was much better. She spoke clearer this time. "I came back to tell you I'm so sorry. Now, please. Let me go."

"What? No way. I'm getting you out of here."

"Yes. I can't... kill me. Take this away. If you love me, then end this torture. I can't keep remembering and the memories won't stop. Nothing ceases it. Even when I slept like the dead, he is all I saw until I heard your voice, but it's not enough. Please Jacob. I don't want to remember. There's only one solution."

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ ****sigh****_

 _ **FYI, I'm not done breaking...**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**~A/N Sorry for the delay. I've had "stuff" going on and all my muses tanked. I'm working my way back, I hope. No promises on the timing of updates, but yes, I'm still working on all the stories.**_

Chapter 6

His blood boiled as his body tested its limits in speed and endurance. The heat brought on by fury and turmoil burned his overly hot body, but Jacob ran like his life depended it no matter how much pain he endured. It was especially taxing because Jacob ran as a man with a semi-conscious Bella in his arms and one small bag of personal effects. It wasn't much weight-wise, but he felt loaded down after what he'd experienced the last hour. He knew one thing for certain, Bella's life depended on him being faster than was humanly possible. At least, he got the smallest head start.

Jared came through in the best way. He had his truck ready five or so miles down the road. Jacob hopped in the back with Bella, and the race against the Cullens continued. The new race was no longer dependent solely on Jacob. He hated losing some of the control, but there was no way to make it the whole way on foot with Bella as dead weight. She continued to be zoned out from the medication and there was absolutely no way Jacob would hand her off to anyone else. She was solely his responsibility, but he was also asking the pack for help. A battle raged within him that he didn't fully understand.

Edward was in pursuit. They all were. The worst scenario for the tick would be for him to catch them. Jacob wouldn't wait for permission. He'd end him then and there, but his hope was to get Bella over that treaty line and to safety first.

Bella came around a bit. When she realized they'd fled the Cullen's, she whispered thanks and then hid her face in the crook of his neck. She was afraid. Maybe she never believed she'd actually break free of him. Neither of them said another word after Bells begged for death. Her incoherent thoughts were a result of the trauma, the drugs or a mixture of things. She didn't mean it. She couldn't. It was completely unfair to ask because Bella knew full well how much Jacob loved her. There was no way he'd ever fulfill such a request. Bella needed time to heal, and she needed to be far away from those that hurt her. He should have never waited a day with the Cullens. Jacob should've taken her as soon as he found her alive.

Bells was broken in almost every way. He had no idea how deep her pain ran, but he helped her before. Jacob could do it again. He thought that young girl left in the woods was the most damaged soul he'd ever encountered, but he was wrong. This version of Bella was the worst, so much worse.

He squeezed her closer to stave off the shivering. "I'm going to take care of it, Bells."

"Good. That means I wasn't dreaming."

Their words had different meaning, but Jacob was sure one day she'd be glad he did it his way not hers.

The treaty line was in sight and Jacob whispered to Bella again. "Almost there. You're safe. You're always safe with me."

For the first time since waking up, Bella wrapped her arms tight around him. She reciprocated his hug and his hope in the future renewed. They could make it. Whatever life threw at them, together Jacob and Bella would survive.

* * *

Jacob didn't have a chance to say anything when he burst inside the house holding Bella. Billy was frantic. "No. Oh no, Bella. Child. Is she breathing?"

"Dad, of course she's breathing. Back up. Give her space."

Rachel was in the living room. She backed up against a wall like she was afraid to be anywhere near Bella. "Lay her down on the couch." Bella wouldn't let go of him so he sat at the edge with her in his lap. He hadn't thought how hard it was going to be to leave her, but the guys needed backup and Edward was all his. He told Jared to update the others and to form a barrier. He didn't want any of them to get through until Sam gave the word. Seth was supposed to be getting him after summoning Sue. Then they would meet the others at the treaty line.

Sam slammed the front door. Fuck. He had to be the kink in the plan. Jacob should've known he wouldn't listen to the kid.

"What the hell Jacob? I told you I needed to be informed at all times. Do you know what you've done?"

"I rescued Bells. You knew that was the plan."

"You don't get to make plans. Bella. Answer me. What's happening? You need to call your husband off. Better yet go back to him. We washed our hands of this the day you got married."

Jacob pried her fingers away from his arms so he could shut Sam down. He got up and backed away from the couch. "Outside now!"

Sam looked passed Jacob. His eyes widened when he saw her clearly. "What the fuck?"

"He hurt her. She isn't calling him or ever going back."

Bella shielded her face with one of her casts. Jacob spoke softly to her. "It's okay, honey. Sam needs to know so we can make him pay. You can tell them now."

"Shouldn't she be in a hospital? You said she was bad, but this is so much worse than I imagined. Tell me Bella. Cullen really did this to you?"

Billy's voice trembled. "I have to call Charlie."

Bella found her voice, "No. Please no. I can't see him."

Paul and Seth joined them about that time. "We need to go man. There's a clusterfuck out there."

"They haven't crossed, have they?"

"No, not yet. The hot vamp..." Rachel locked eyes with Paul, "Uhh, I mean the blonde bitchy one, and the doctor won't let him cross, but the little witch is encouraging them to all break the treaty. She says we broke it first kidnapping Bella. It's a standoff and I don't think it's going to end well."

"Answer me, please. What happened to you?"

Bella uncrossed her arms. Jacob didn't have the chance to find real clothes for her. He draped her in a thin sheet before they took off. She let the cover fall at her waist and the thin gown showed more than he wanted them to see before the explanations were out of the way.

A loud horrified gasp escaped all the onlooker's lips at once.

"She's bitten. Fuck, Black."

"Oh my God. Paul. I'm afraid." Rachel opened her arms and ran to Paul.

"There's a bunch of bite marks. You brought her here like that. Now I know you've lost your grip with reality."

"Would everyone shut up for a second. Look at her. She was bitten. Yes, but Bells is hurt not dangerous; she needs our protection."

"How? That's impossible. Either you die or turn."

"Well, obviously she's neither dead nor a vamp. Look at her. She's clearly alive, the same Bella we've always known." He hoped, but saying she was the same felt like a lie. "I can't go into it all right now. We have to get rid of these fucking leeches once and for all. Bella's not the threat. You know who is." He put his hand on Billy's shoulder. "Dad, Rach. Bella's staying here. She needs to rest and Sue's on the way."

Sam grabbed Jacob's arm. "No, not yet. I want to hear it from her. How is this possible Bella? The truth."

Jacob looked at Bella. She would only look into his eyes, no one else's. She was too fragile. He feared Sam was going to push her too far, and she'd have another episode. Sam intimidated her. She thought he hated her. Jacob knew it wasn't hate, more like resentment. It wasn't her fault. The Cullens were here before Bella. He would've changed with or without her presence. They all would have.

"Sam, leave her alone. Ask me the questions."

It seemed like Sam was going to back down and go with Jacob. They had troubles at the treaty line. Bella's situation could be discussed later. They were all lined up to leave. Sam's hand was on the door when Bella said the unthinkable.

"No one knows for certain. Jacob tells you what he wants to believe. I'm a mystery. Carlisle said so many times while I slept. I heard them. Edward said it's dormant, but could come out any second. I'm a walking time bomb, full of Edward's venom. Jacob shouldn't have brought me here. When I transform, I'll be uncontrollable. That's why those creeps in Italy desired me. I have powers. I'll be like some super vampire unleashed on this reservation. You don't want that Sam. I don't want that. People I care about live here. The hows and whys no longer matter. I was wrong to get involved with the Cullens and I'm ready to accept my punishment. You're the only one capable of ending this nightmare before tragedy strikes. I was wrong to ask Jake. It's _you_ Sam. You and I crossed paths long ago. It's our destiny. Think of Emily."

Jacob was in utter shock. No way did she just say all the crap to Sam. Bella pushed herself off the Black's sofa. He half expected to tumble over considering her condition hours before, but that wasn't the case. She stood steady and confident. Bella extended those plaster covered arms.

"I'm ready. Take me. End this. The trouble with the Cullens will disappear with me. I refuse to be the bargaining chip any longer."

"Everybody back away!" Sam shouted.

Jacob rushed in between Bella and Sam.

"You especially, Jacob. Go to the line. Stall them. Bella, come with me."

Rachel cried out again for Paul. She was a sobbing mess over this initiation into the supernatural. He couldn't be distracted by anything not his sister, his father or his desire to fight Edward. Bella asked Sam for an execution and he was primed to carry out this death sentence she ordered for herself. Jacob saw it in his alpha's eyes. Uncertainty. Panic. The wolf.

He pleaded with his eyes for her to take it back. Jacob extended his arms, essentially pushing Bella away so she couldn't get closer to Sam.

"It's a fucking lie Sam. She isn't dangerous. Bella's just upset. With good reason. Honey. Let us help you. It doesn't have to be this way. Tell him the actual truth."

"Move aside Black. I made a vow to protect. So did you. Stop letting your emotions cloud your judgment. We don't know what the Cullens were up to. There's too many unknowns. Bella just admitted this to us. This seems like a wild experiment gone wrong. I won't risk human lives."

"Bella is a human life! She admitted nothing. You're a goddamn coward Uley. Bella is a victim not a monster. If you think you're taking her out of this house, you've got another thing coming. You'll have to go through me. You. Won't. Win. You know it. That's where your biggest fear resides, that you're second best."

"Jacob. Calm down son. Sam's your brother, your leader. He gave you the choice a long time ago. We were all there and remember what you said."

"Stay out of this Dad. I'm sorry, but I'm positive you don't agree with Sam about this. Think of Charlie."

"Move Jacob. I'm done hurting people." She clamped down on his arm and her grip was firm. He was almost certain her arms were no longer broken. The blood had moved through her and Bells was healing physically. Fast. She was skinny and pale still, but stronger by the second.

"Bells. Tell them the truth."

"I did."

Paul and Seth moved closer. The Black's house wasn't that big. Jacob felt like he was suffocating in their tiny living room. Everyone was against him, even Bells and he was willing to fight for her life. Again. Jacob never stopped fighting for her.

* * *

Sam touched him to break his trance with Bella. Jacob exploded not in the wolf way. He lost control of his emotions and bitter truths spewed out of his mouth. It hurt even more to say them out loud, but they needed to hear everything. "He raped her! The venom's gone. It's all in the book. Read the fucking book. Edward Cullen took Bella to an island. He bit her, drank her blood, raped her and tried to kill her. Carlisle Cullen is trying to cover it up, but he admits Bella can't turn. There's no dormant venom. The doctor searched for it and it's not there. Our war is with the Cullens and all their kind! Bella has a temporary death wish because of what he did to her, but we're going to get her some help."

Jacob didn't have a second to judge their reactions to the absolute truth about what really happened to Bella. A hard smack on his back sent him flying. He landed halfway across the room on his ass. He shook his head to get his bearings. What the hell did he miss? All the guys were in front of him not behind him.

Then everything and nothing made sense. Bella was standing there, fists clinched, breathing heavily, tremors running through her, but obviously on the verge of crying. She screamed at him. "Don't Jacob! You had no right. I never said..." That's all she got out before she broke down and fell onto the couch. Billy's hand hovered over her, but Jacob shook his head. Bella wailed into the cushions. Her entire body shook with emotion. Rachel took a step toward her. Paul raised his arm like a guardrail.

"No. Did you see that? She's turning. I'm sorry man. This shit is all kinds of fucked up, but I'm with Sam. We don't know what she is. Better safe than sorry."

Jacob jumped to his feet.

"It's not what you think."

"What are we supposed to think?"

"Go take care of your pack Sam, but stay the hell away from Bella or else."

"You're part of my pack."

"Not anymore. Get out."

"Make me because I don't plan to leave without her."

And that was Jacob's breaking point. He had the presence of mind to charge and shove Sam through the door before they both exploded into their wolves. Shards of wood and glass blew every direction.

Sam roared for submission, other voices screamed inside his head. He heard the pack plead with him to stop, but Bella's cries were the loudest. He would do whatever he had to do since this was all for her. She had given up, begged for death, but Jacob was prepared to take his onetime brother down because no matter what any of them thought, her life still mattered. It mattered so much to Jacob.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **I'm sure you have questions or thoughts about this. This is so emotional to write. I'll probably update the sexy jungle one next. LOL!**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**~This update comes from a different perspective. Please read carefully if you choose to bleed with me.**_

 _"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." - Ernest Hemingway_

Chapter 7

 _Bella_

Bella wanted to call them back. She didn't want them to fight. Sam was so angry and he was afraid. Bella made him afraid on purpose, so what did she expect? Jacob was worse. She'd never seen him like this. She just wanted it to stop, all of it: the feelings, the memories, the pain and disgust were all that was left. Billy rolled in front of her when she walked toward the gaping hole in the Black's house.

"Don't, child. Your feet are bare. Rach, grab the broom before someone gets hurt."

"Broken glass should be the least of our worries, Dad. Your son started something that's liable to get him killed or seriously injured." Bella had seen pictures of Rachel, but she barely remembered her from childhood. She was an exotic beauty with long tanned legs, the perfect figure and jet black silky hair. Her dark eyes were no longer shedding tears. Anger replaced her worry, but there was some pity there. She went for the broom, but her eyes stayed glued to Bella the entire time.

"I didn't mean for it to happen like that." Bella heard howls in the distance. What was happening to Jacob, the pack or with the Cullens? For all she knew, Edward could be there in seconds ready to carry her off and start all the torture again. She closed her eyes and remembered how he looked when he was out of control. No one here had seen it before because he was so good at hiding who he was. She was once a fool, but now she was something else entirely. There wasn't a word for it, just an empty defeated feeling and a shell of her former self. Bella asked Jacob and Sam to kill her, but maybe she was already dead.

"What did you think would happen? I mean, you asked Sam to murder you in front of Jake. Maybe it's true and you're turning. You seem pretty fucking heartless to me."

"Rachel, enough. Bella's been through so much. We have no idea what's happened, but I'm sure it's horrible and none of this is her fault."

"Are you kidding me? It _is_ all her fault. Look, I'm sorry if it's true and he... well, I mean no woman should endure that, but you left my brother, your family, all of this to be one of them. Karma truly is a bitch, isn't it?"

"No, Rachel. Karma is just. I see that now. You're absolutely right. I brought this outcome of my own freewill. If anyone out there is in danger or hurt right now, add it to my long lists of sins. I won't say sorry. It's not good enough, but Billy, please don't bring Dad into this. At least we can spare him. He knows I'm sick, so when I'm gone it won't be as much of a shock as the actual truth."

"Bella, honey. You're hurt and you're scared, but you won't be gone. My son wouldn't bring you to the reservation if you're dangerous. I know without a doubt. Let us help you. You could go lie down in Jacob's room. I'm sure it's a disaster, but throw everything on the floor and climb into bed. You look exhausted."

"I've been sleeping almost a month."

"Rachel could make you a plate of food. Are you eating at all? You're so thin."

Bella wanted to refuse since she'd made so much trouble and Billy was crazy worried about Jacob. Poor Rachel didn't ask for this mess either. She wasn't nice to Bella and she could practical feel her hate through the air, but she was trying to clean up the disintegrated door. Her stomach churned and rumbled loudly at the mention of eating. Bella had barely swallowed a few drops of broth before, but at the moment she felt like she could clean out the fridge and still be hungry.

"No, Rachel doesn't need to wait on me. I'll make a little something if you don't mind. I'm feeling a bit woozy at the mention of food."

"Should you be walking around?"

"Jacob gave me his blood. I feel my strength returning each second."

Billy was surprised. "His blood?"

Rachel snapped, "Why didn't either of you tell Sam?"

"I didn't think. I guess Jacob didn't either. It wouldn't have made a difference. Sam is concerned and he's right. What am I even? Jacob thinks he knows, but he doesn't. He wants the old Bells back. She's gone. It's too late."

"Dad, is she? I mean, did Jake make her a wolf or something because strength and healing is a sign? Paul's told me the stories."

"No, no. That's not possible. It's a select gene, but perhaps the properties linger in his blood. Hard to say how much or how long those properties will influence Bella, but I'm beginning to believe my son just saved your life."

Rachel mumbled, "again."

Bella didn't answer. Of course, Jacob saved her again and again even when she didn't deserve it. It wasn't fair to him because she certainly didn't want it. Not now, not after. She had no idea what to hope for with that wolf battle going on somewhere in the forest. Never in a million years would she wish something bad to happen to her longtime best friend, but she also needed Sam to win in a way. She meant what she said to him and he was convinced. There was no other way. It had to end. It would end with her ultimate punishment which was also a blessing. _Kill me Sam, please... anyone, let me die._ Bella wanted to die. Dead people don't feel. That was her hope. She didn't know if that was certain or not, but anything was better than the present where her soul stayed in constant torment.

It was completely insensitive to eat at time like this, but Bella's stomach burned and growled. Jacob would win. She knew it in her heart. He'd want her to eat if she was hungry and she was fucking starving. Bella took a few steps into the kitchen. Billy and Rachel took turns watching her and the wide-open doorframe. Their anxiety was visible. She wasn't sure how she felt such things now, but she did. Bella intended to grab a snack, a piece of lunchmeat or a slice of cheese. That would tide her over until Jacob and Sam got back. Of course, they'd come back together. Jacob told her the pack was a brotherhood and there was no way they'd actually hurt each other critically. They were fighting over her, but it was not the first time. Hopefully, it was the last time. She'd make Jacob understand. He had to see it. Bella was an aberration. Edward tried so many times to change her. Once she recalled him asking, "What are you?" Her eyes and mind shut down as soon as he said so. It was during one of those horrid moments she couldn't forget.

* * *

Sue Clearwater arrived. They all hoped it was one of the pack since it had been well over an hour, but it was only Sue. Bella released the breath she'd been holding. She was at the table with Billy, and Rachel was busying herself trying to close that gaping hole in the house with a heavy piece of cloth.

"Sue. Have you heard anything?"

"No, I'm afraid not. Why, what's going on? Where is everyone? Seth told me I needed to come, but I got a call from Charlie. It was so late, I thought it must be important. He wanted me to brainstorm what possible diseases Bella could have. It was awful to hear how troubled he is, and he sounded drunk. I knew she was here and sick, but Seth said it's a heavily guarded secret. I hope he didn't notice my deceit. Maybe you should tell him Billy."

"No, I told him no. Please no, Sue."

Sue nodded. She studied Bella at that moment and there it was again, pity. Everyone either hated or pitied her now. "Bella, I'm glad Jacob was able to get you here. This is almost a relief. You don't look as sick as I was expecting, but so thin. We have to get you started on a proper diet for complete healing. How are you feeling right now?"

Rachel answered for her. "Well, she feels good enough to empty the entire fridge. I only shopped three days ago. And I thought Paul and Jake could eat. She fucking ate the butter. Paul and Sam think she's almost a vampire. I think she's a wolf."

Bella's head hung in shame. She knew she was neither, but she couldn't stop herself. She was so damn hungry and everything looked so good to her. It was embarrassing to eat like that in front of them. "I'll pay you back Billy. I'm truly sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. You needed to eat. No telling how long they went without feeding you."

Sue asked if she could examine Bella. Billy said they could go to Jake's room. She really didn't want to be poked or prodded ever again, but it was the middle of night. Sue was her father's friend, and she totally just covered for her. Bella owed her something for coming over.

They walked into Jacob's room and shut the door. Billy understated the mess. It was an absolute wreck. Bella wondered if he'd totally trashed the place the night she left him after the newborn battle and never fixed things. She pushed clothes and books to the end of the bed. Holy crap. Jacob still was in school. It was September now, she thought. Bella really didn't know for certain. Except Jacob didn't go to school. He stopped a long time ago, and it was one more blame she must shoulder.

"Bella, I don't mean to intrude. You've been through so much, but what is your primary complaint? Seth spoke so fast, I apologize for hardly grasping what happened, but you took extremely ill on your honeymoon?"

Ill was a quaint word chosen by the Cullens. Bella didn't catch a flu or infection. That wasn't the case at all. She decided the less she told Sue the better. "I think I've been in some sort of coma. The hows and whys are sketchy, but if you could get rid of these horrible casts, I'd truly appreciate it."

"Well, you'd need an x-ray. I'm not sure what happened or when. Broken bones take weeks, sometimes months to heal and you look pretty fragile."

"Please Sue, they're healed, trust me."

"Oh, well, I guess I could ask Billy for something. I only brought a thermometer, a stethoscope, and a blood pressure cuff. Oh, and some aspirin. Do you have any pain?"

"No." That was a lie, but Sue meant physical.

"Can I see that thermometer while you get something to cut these off?"

"Sure, honey." Sue dug through her black bag. Bella propped the device inside her mouth and secured it with her tongue and lips. Sue left the room. She looked around Jacob's room again. His life was a reflection of this small room, both disasters zones and Bella was to blame.

Sue came back with heavy-duty scissors, a small saw and what appeared to be a small book under her arm. The thermometer beeped. "Let me see." Sue's eyes reflected concern. "102.5, that's a significant fever. You might have an infection."

"I don't. Jacob made Carlisle give me a transfusion with his blood. I've been having side-effects."

"Oh, I see. That's why you think your arms are healed."

"They are."

Sue opened the black book and then Bella remembered there was a journal. She wanted to snatch it away and possibly rip every page to pieces, but she watched Sue read the pages. It was hard to gauge her expression until a tear escaped the nurse's eye. Bella tried to hide her face again, but Sue took one hand.

"Let's get this off, why don't we?"

Sue worked on the cast and asked questions at the same time. "You're running hot, healing rapidly and you also have a strong appetite. Anything else?"

"I knocked Jacob down even though I didn't mean to."

"I see." The right cast fell to the floor.

Sue cut the left one off in silence. She asked Bella to extend her arms so she could examine her arms. Bella saw the scars. Hideous, worse than the graze from James. They were everywhere. She might as well be doused in gasoline and set on fire. That's how hideous her skin was. Sue was careful not to touch them. She probably viewed them as poison. Bella was most definitely poison.

"Would it be okay if we did some muscle testing? You can so no, but I'm curious if your strength remains the same or is growing stronger?" Bella nodded. After a few more minutes, Sue said something that frustrated Bella even more.

"I'm pretty sure it's fading. Imagine drinking a strong espresso. The caffeine surge is high initially, but you eventually crash. I think Jacob's blood did what it was supposed to do, but it's not permanent. Does that make sense?"

It did, but for a second, Bella wished she'd kept that strength. Perhaps, combined with the rage of seeing _him_ again, she could have done something. He deserved it, but she even failed at revenge.

Sue handed her the thermometer again. 99.9 that time and it had only been about fifteen minutes. Almost normal. What a joke. She felt completely abnormal.

"Can I take a shower?"

"I'm sure you can. I could go ask Rachel for some clothes."

"No, Jake has stuff. I've raided his pre-phase stuff before."

Bella didn't think it was alright to ask Rachel for anything and Jacob's t-shirts and sweats were familiar. Sue left her and Bella dug through an old chest in his tiny closet. The bottom drawer had several items left from Freshman year. He was tall by then, but not nearly as bulky. She could tie the drawstring and keep the pants up. The threadbare shirt felt so soft between her fingers. Bella lifted the clothes to her face. Maybe her sense of smell was slightly better or maybe she'd committed this scent to her memory, but they were so Jake. He still lingered in the forgotten clothes of a boy he lost in the course of a night. If only they could both go back to that time. She'd choose differently. Life would be so different. Bella had a glimpse of what could have been and she ignored it. Now there was no way to achieve that vision.

* * *

She tried to sneak down the short hallway without being noticed. Billy was right there. It was like he was afraid to let her out of his sight. "Rachel could help just in case. Sue said you were feverish."

Rachel hadn't even wanted to make Bella a sandwich. She was certain she didn't want to get up close and personal and watch Bella shower. "No, I'm fine. I'll only be a minute. I was thinking about going outside and seeing if Jacob would come back. I think if he hears me, he might. I should try that first. The shower could wait, but I..." She couldn't even finish that sentence. She needed that shower badly. Bella stank of vampires, medicine and shame. She was filthy in her mind, but no amount of soap and water could help. She still craved a cleansing.

"No, he'd want you to stay inside. Take the shower, but please don't lock the door in case you need anything. Sue or Rachel will be nearby."

The water couldn't get hot enough. Bella's skin burned, but it wasn't enough. She let the hot water sprinkle over her. It wasn't the greatest shower head, nothing fancy and disappointing water pressure, but it distracted her somewhat. The pack's absence this long was a bad sign. She wondered if it was only the fight between Sam and Jake or if the Cullens got involved. Each thought increased her anxiety, but thinking of someone else besides herself was the only reason she'd functioned the past hour and a half.

She soaped herself for a third time. Bella used a washcloth because she couldn't imagine touching her actual skin with her fingertips. She knew what she'd feel and she didn't need anymore reminders. A knock at the bathroom door made her jump. Jake! She shut the water off.

"Bella, everything okay?"

It was Sue not Jake. "Yes, I'm drying off now."

She quickly towel-dried and slipped on the clothes she brought to the bathroom. Bella avoided the bathroom mirror on purpose since she walked inside, but this time she couldn't stop herself. The first word out of everyone's mouth was how thin she was. Why was that? Her face slowly lifted to find the glass completely fogged over. The towel in her hands got rid of that and she was finally face-to-face with herself, but it wasn't the face she remembered.

Bella mouthed, _Who are you?_ The lips moved on the unfamiliar reflection. Nothing was the same. Her eyes were dull and lifeless. Dark circles expanded underneath them. Her cheekbones stood out to the point they were grotesque. Her lips were thin and cracked, lacking their normal pinkish hue. Her normally fair complexion couldn't even be considered pale. She looked like walking death, skin over bone was all she was. She was pretty sure her hair was falling out as well. It appeared thin and brittle. This revelation caused her to examine the rest of her body. Her eyes trailed down her arms. The marks from the cast were still evident. _Crack._ She remembered clearly when she heard the noise. It was their wedding night. Scars and teeth marks were everywhere down to her ankles. Edward branded her. _Change me._ She said many times before, but not when he actually started. Bella never once said that once she knew what he was. She found out soon in the relationship he was a vampire after her obsession overtook her, but she never understood the dangers. On the honeymoon, she understood, but it was too late.

Jacob acted like he still loved her, but he hadn't seen all this. He couldn't love her like this. He shouldn't. He deserved a whole person. Bella wished he'd found his imprint. That would've fixed things for Jacob. Until that happens, he'd be bothered by her outcome. Her whole body quivered as tears streamed from her eyes. She was nothing short of a monster, a freak trapped in a human body, and absolutely no shred left of her humanity.

What the fuck? She'd been stupid to ask for help. She didn't need them. Bella could end it herself. It was a clear voice in her mind.

 _Do it. Do it. Do it._

She made a fist and smashed the mirror. The door shook. Bella locked it even though Billy told her not to. The perfect piece of mirror broke apart. It looked just like a jagged knife. She pried it off and gripped it tight in her hand. The slice didn't even hurt. Her blood dripped into the sink and onto the floor. Bella squeezed tighter, still nothing. No pain, no fear, no regret.

 _Do it. Die, you fucking worthless bitch._

The voice whispered inside her head as Bella pulled the mirror shard to her throat. She never heard or saw what was coming. The door blew open and the promise of death ended with Jacob knocking the weapon out of her hand. She sucked in the air in loud gulps like she was drowning. Her blurry vision cleared enough to see him. He was shaking his head. Bella looked down at his hands. He was bleeding almost as much as she was.

"You're bleeding. Here." Bella briefly forgot herself and turned on the bathroom faucet.

Jacob grabbed her wrists and put her hands inside the stream of cool water. He started washing their hands together. Seconds ticked by as he tended to her in the most caring and delicate manner. Her hand kept bleeding, but his didn't. He was behind her with his arms around her. She turned around and looked up. "You healed already."

"It wasn't my blood."

Bella's eyes drifted to her hand and she wobbled at the sight of the oozing wound. Jacob snatched a towel to hold pressure there. "Why Bells?"

"Because."

He huffed. "You have no idea what I just went through for you."

"I can guess, but I didn't want you to. I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

She truly was, but not sorry enough to wish she hadn't succeeded before he got there.

He turned her around, so she had no choice but to look at him fully. "I know you have a death wish. I know why or at least partially know why, but I'm going to make a promise to you, not on my watch. You're strong enough."

"No I'm not. You think you know but you don't."

"Fine, I don't know everything, but I'll be strong enough for you then. How's that?"

"Sounds like that sucks for you and I won't put you through that."

"But you'll put me through finding you dead on the bathroom floor or ripped apart by Sam, huh?" Her head fell forward until it rested on his bare chest. He pulled her closer and pressed her ear against him. "You hear that? As long as I live, so will you. That's a promise. My heart beats for you and I know you're hurting, but I swear, one day, it will be better. I can't make you forget, but I plan on showing you life is still worth living."

Poor, deluded, naïve Jacob Black. He didn't know when to give up or throw in the towel. How could Bella still have a life worth living?

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **If you have words, please share them with me. This is a difficult story to imagine and write, but I have a plan. I promise.**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**So maybe I surprised myself because I told my Twitter fam it would be six months before I updated. LOL! My mind is not great right now, dear readers. Please have patience. I truly want to tell this story.**_

Chapter 8

Jacob had the weight of the world on his shoulders, but when he opened the veil covering the opening that was once a front door, all he saw was Bella was missing.

"Where is she?"

His father didn't get the word out before Jacob spotted Sue trying to enter the bathroom. He heard something about a crash and Bella alone in there. He didn't hesitate to break the doorknob off. If they didn't leave soon, his father's house wouldn't have a single functioning door. She was this close to plunging a primitive shiv into her jugular.

No. No. No. He should have specified Bells can't be left alone not even for a minute. He hardly had a chance to give instructions. Sam had to be neutralized. Jacob and Bella had words inside the tiny bathroom, powerful words that meant something to him. He hoped they meant as much to her but that was hard to tell. Before, she was always so easy to read. He was best at it even better than her bloodsucker. Now she was a blank slate void of honest emotions.

Sam Uley wasn't exactly neutralized and that was only because Jacob held onto his humanity. He did it for Bells because she believed he was still more human than animal. For a minute, in the heat of battle, he wasn't so sure. He blocked out his brothers' cries for mercy when he clamped down hard on the black wolf's throat. Sam wouldn't give him the satisfaction of begging, but somewhere deep down he heard Bella say, "I won't let you forget." He let go.

Rachel interrupted them in the bathroom. "Oh my God! You are pure self-destruction. At this point, Jacob should let you walk out and be on you own."

"Shut up, Rach."

"Where's my fiancé?"

"The idiot is with his master. They're all double checking the treaty line and giving me enough time to get the fuck out."

"Is he okay?"

Jacob growled. "Of course he is. Get out of the way. I need Sue to take a look at this." Jacob pulled Bella by the arm gently; it was then he noticed she was without the bulky casts. That was one good thing, but her hand gushing blood was another issue.

Bella swayed like she was about to pass out, so Jacob lifted her up and carried her to the living room. Sue immediately said she needed stitches.

Bella argued. "It'll probably heal up like my arms."

"Maybe, but remember what I told you?"

Jacob didn't know what they meant, but with all the trouble she had with her blood count, losing a bunch of blood was the last thing she needed. "Just stitch it to be on the safe side."

"I can, but I don't have anything to numb it."

"Then Bells can bite on something or scream from the pain she inflicted on herself. That's what the guys do."

She didn't worry about the pain when she was cutting herself open, so she should be able to handle closing it back up. Bella gave him what he thought was a dirty look. Jacob smirked without thinking. _Good. Get mad. It's something._

Sue dug through her bag and asked questions. Obviously, she knew something had been going on. "Where is Seth and Leah?"

Shit. He still had to deal with the kid. "They're fine." Seth walked in at that precise moment, and Jacob was forced to deal with his newest problem with an audience. "Seth, what did I tell you? Go back with the others."

"No way, man. I told you I'm with you, Jake. Sam's still not thinking clearly. He thinks Bella should die."

He heard a noise from Bella, so he put up a finger to shush her. "Don't say a word. Sue. Stitch. Rachel, Dad, do something. Seth, outside."

Seth stood firm. "Is that an order?"

"No, it's not a damn order. I'm on my own. That's what was decided. Now go back to your pack."

"I can't. I pledged allegiance to you. Sam told me to get lost."

"Oh my goodness, son. Where's your sister?"

Bella whimpered. Sue was concerned for her children, but she was still doing her professional duty, piercing Bella's skin, and pulling sutures in and out. She had a steady rhythm despite the chaos.

That damn kid and his idol worship wasn't doing them any good. Jacob let Sam go. He could have made him submit, but it would have been a lot more bloodshed and a hell of a lot more pain. He was almost ready to give up, but Jacob saw a better way. He wasn't fit to be their alpha. That was always Sam's job, but he wouldn't obey him another second. He would protect Bells and that would be his only duty. That's why Jacob insisted he was a lone wolf until the kid broke away and followed him.

"Knock, knock. I guess we have to speak our arrival since there isn't a door."

Shit. Leah. That was the last thing he needed. Maybe she was here to knock sense into her little brother.

"Well, Black. You have made an absolute mess of our lives. I hope she's worth it."

Bella dropped the pillow she covered her face with while Sue continued to stitch her hand. "I'm not."

"My thoughts exactly, loca, but here we are. I'm not going back to Sam, so I guess we three are a new pack. Or is it four?"

"No, we are not! You and Seth are still in Sam's pack and Bella's always going to be human."

"Fuck that. My kid brother will never go back so neither will I. It's kinda of a relief. I left and the voices stopped. No more, 'Emily, Emily, Emily.' Hey, what's with the hand? You trip and fall or something?"

"No, Lee. Bells broke the bathroom mirror for her first suicide attempt."

Billy held his hands up to the ceiling like he was begging the spirits. "Oh no. Please no, Bella. That's what happened? Charlie will never recover. None of us will."

Bella didn't look up. She was now watching Sue finish up her hand. She must have gotten over her sensitivities to blood and gore.

"Notice I said first attempt. I'm smart enough to know there's more to come. That's why I'm staying with you, but not here. Leah, Seth, I guess you can make yourself useful for a minute before we leave. Watch her. I need to pack some clothes."

Jacob went to his room. His father trailed behind him. "Stay here. Don't go."

"Have to Dad. I can't trust Sam and his second-in-command lives here now, apparently. It will never work out. Also, Rach is hostile as hell toward Bells. That's not helping either."

"Charlie would take you both in without hesitation."

"Too soon. She'll only break his heart further in this condition."

"Where son? I have a little money in a rainy day jar, but you haven't worked in weeks. I didn't want to say anything, but Paul and Rachel have started to help with the bills. Rachel got hired at the hospital. She's working in the billing office with the rehab department. She wants to go back to school and they'll help after she works there six months."

"Good for her. I'm sorry Dad. I'll contribute again when I can, but I need to focus on Bells."

"How? You can't leave her and you have no money coming in. Does she have access to her own money since the marriage?"

"There is no marriage and no, Bella won't be accepting a dime from those monsters. We'll figure something out."

"Hey, I have a temporary solution."

"Leah, I told you to watch Bells."

"You don't think my little brother can handle her for ten seconds? He stood up to two vampires solo for that twit. She isn't going anywhere. Look, it kinda sucks because I was almost free, but you can have my place for the time being."

"What place? You live at home with Sue."

"Shit, you really have been in your own world for months now, haven't you? I took over Dad's hunting cabin. It's at the very edge of the reservation, far away from Sam and it has all the necessities. I hate to admit this, but the asshole is good with a hammer and such. Paul has been remodeling the cabin for me. It's not exactly where I want it, but the fridge has food, and I just had the bed delivered. It's small. It was supposed to be my sanctuary, but I'll give it to you for a short time. Once she proves she isn't transforming into a blood sucking demon, the hysteria will die down. That's if she doesn't off herself in the meantime. You might want to make some safety precautions, but I can help with that stuff tomorrow."

"Thanks, Leah. I don't know what to say."

"Thanks is good enough and one more thing is all I ask in return."

"What is that?"

"Admit Seth and I are in your pack. He is sweet on Bella in teen crush sort of way. I don't like her, but that doesn't mean she should die. You can't do this alone and we're offering our services. You need us. We're family. You stuck your neck out for me once and paid a hefty price. That's what family does, we protect our own."

Jacob grabbed his bag and paused next to Leah at the door to watch the activity in the house. Seth paced back and forth at the door keeping watch. Bells struggled to stay awake. Her head fell to the side, and Sue was stroking her hair after successfully mending her cut hand. He also turned to his father who only nodded his head which spoke volumes. Billy approved of this rogue mission and he believed in his son. Jacob needed some vote of confidence since he'd practically lost all faith in himself.

"Okay, you're in." Jacob squeezed Leah's shoulder. "You too, Seth, but I need both of you to keep some ties with the others. I have to know what's going on with the Cullens until I can take care of that situation myself."

"For now, they're home. Carlisle promised Sam, but he's worried about Bella, said we don't know how to treat her delicate condition properly. That's all I heard."

"Yeah, well, she's not their concern anymore. He has more important things to worry about." Jacob would never let his revenge go. Carlisle knew full well the sins he and his son committed, and apparently the doctor was some sort of religious man. The wages of sin is death. Jacob heard that before, so what was to come shouldn't be a surprise.

* * *

Leah drove with Sue in the passenger seat. Jacob was squished in the back of Sue's small sedan with Bella. She protested only slightly when he picked her up and carried her outside. She pouted like a small child pressed against the door as far as she could get away from Jacob in the backseat.

Jacob couldn't remember if he'd been to the hunting cabin, but when they arrived, a few memories came to him. He remembered his father, Harry and Charlie on the front steps cleaning guns when he was maybe eight-years-old. Jacob always enjoyed the fishing trips, but he wasn't fond of hunting weekends. Billy took him once and that was enough. His father patted him on the head and said it was fine. He understood Jake had an empathetic soul. Jacob developed a sensitivity at young age concerning death because of his mother. Now it seemed death lingered around him at all times. He had to kill animals as wolf those weeks on the run so he understood survival, but this thing with Bells had him questioning everything about life. Deep down, he thought he was right, but it seemed an impossible task to convince someone to live that had completely given up.

* * *

Leah gave him a quick tour. Bella sat on the couch and pretended she wasn't listening. Jacob did a thorough inspection of the surroundings with his keen eyes. First thing on the agenda was to pull off the mirror in the bathroom. He also filled a bag with most of Leah's kitchen utensils. He was sure there would be more things he considered dangerous in the morning light, and the fact was she could hurt herself in countless ways if she was hellbent on death which all signs pointed to that. At least the obvious things could be out of reach. That was a start.

Leah said she was taking Sue home. Seth was going to patrol for him and they both promised to be around whenever Jacob got a little rest. It was damned near four in the morning. He hadn't slept that well in forever and tonight would be more of the same, but he had to shut his eyes even if it was only a few hours.

"Bedroom's yours. Don't close the door."

"I'm going to use the bathroom first. Can I close that door?"

"I should say no smartass because of what almost happened, but don't give me a hint you're up to something or I'll take all the fucking doors off inside the house and I'll nail boards over the windows. Do you understand me?"

"No, I don't because you're ruining your life for this and I don't want it. I never asked you to do any of this. You should have let me go with Sam and this would have all been over. You could be on your way to moving past it and healing. This is torture for both of us, so I don't understand you at all, Jake."

"Go to the bathroom, Bells. Make it quick or I'm coming inside. Then get in bed. Don't get up until I'm up. I'll hear."

She was less than two minutes in the bathroom. Leah sat out some basics for her on the counter. She promised to round up some clothes the next day. Bella walked past him without a glance, but she stopped at the bedroom door.

"You're making it seem like I've left one prison for another. Is that what you wanted?"

"No. I didn't want any of this, but I have no choice now. Do I?"

"We all have choices."

"Some more than others. And Bells, one other thing."

"What?"

"Don't ever compare me to him again. He hurt you. I'm helping you. There's a big difference."

Her voice cracked. "I didn't... it wasn't. Forget it. I'm poison. I shouldn't even speak."

"Good. Quiet is perfect, so I can sleep. Goodnight, Bells."

She didn't respond to his goodnight. He heard muffled cries for exactly thirty-seven minutes before her feet hit the floor. Did she honestly think he fell asleep that fast and wouldn't be all over her for getting up when he told her not to?

Jacob closed his eyes and listened to see what she was about to try. He imagined she would search Leah's room for tools of death or a way out the window. She wouldn't get three feet from the house without Seth's howl, but he wanted to know what she was up to, so he could stay one step ahead of her.

Her footsteps surprised him because they led Bella straight to the couch where he attempted to fit and find a comfortable sleeping position. He waited. She stood next to him but didn't speak. Several minutes passed before her feet shifted. Jacob reached for her and caught the hem of her shirt. "What?"

"I can't sleep."

"Stop crying into your pillow. I'm sure it'll come."

"I know you're mad about earlier, but we always slept pretty sound next to each other. You can say no. You should, but you're feet are hanging off the end. Maybe we could share the bed?"

He didn't answer, but he got up to follow her back to the bedroom. This was a better idea as far as her safety was concerned. It wasn't the greatest for his mental health. She had no idea what those occasions they fell asleep together had done to him. He considered it somewhere between heaven and hell on earth. Bella took the side nearest the window and he climbed in so he'd be close to the door. Leah picked out a nice mattress. It was way more comfortable than his crappy twin bed at home or that sofa in the living room. They also had more room than the hospital bed at the Cullens. Bella and Jacob didn't have to touch in this bed, but he felt her. Her presence clung to him without the physical touch.

"You're wrong about being mad. I'm not mad, Bells. I'm scared... so scared I can hardly breath, but I'm not giving up on you. I don't care how long it takes. Do you hear me?" She didn't answer him. Bella breathed heavier as if she was trying to convince him she fell asleep. He knew better. She was wide awake and heard every word he said.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **I swear I come to the end of these chapters and **sigh** every time. How are you guys doing? Love to hear your thoughts.**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**~I call this a transition chapter. By the way, I'm hurricane writing so two updates hours apart. Maybe more to come.**_

Chapter 9

Somehow, they both survived the first week. Jacob might rate it one of his top five worst weeks of his life. Bella became more withdrawn with each new day. She wasn't even bothering to argue or complain about the situation anymore. Most of their days were hours of complete silence. The beginning had been filled with hostility, but now the inside of Leah's cabin was filled with nothingness. Bells was getting sick again. He hoped it was an act at first, but he finally realized that wasn't the case. Sue was on the way to do a more thorough exam. She'd been by a few times and had already explained a few theories about the blood transfusion's limited effects and Bella's mental health. They all agreed she needed some sort of professional help, but that wasn't possible. All Jacob could do was look up things for himself and try to say the right things. But there were no right words to combat the inner torture Bella suffered.

"Hey, I made you a protein shake. You need the calories, Bells."

"I'm not hungry. You've spoiled my appetite with all this stuff I can only eat with a spoon or sip through a straw."

He got rid of all the metal utensils, so they basically ate what could be consumed with plastic spoons. Jacob was living off sandwiches with extra meat to sustain himself. He barely got outdoors even though Leah and Seth swore they could handle Bella for an hour at a time. He was fucking stir crazy. God, Jacob missed the sun and fresh air. They didn't even had adequate light inside the cabin because on the second day, he caught Bella pressing her palms firmly against the bedroom window. She could slam her hands through the window at any point. That's all it would take and her arms would be shredded by jagged glass. Seth got Paul to loan him a dozen or so boards. Now all the accessible windows were blocked except for the very top and bottom of the glass. Bella hated it, so did Jake. It was the beginning of her not speaking to him unless it was absolutely necessary.

The nights were different. They went to bed together every night not speaking, never touching, and side by side because it was the only way either of them could sleep. However, waking up was a completely different story. Some time in the night, one of them always reached out for the other. Jacob knew he never did it consciously and he doubted Bells did either, but they normally woke up wound around each other in some form or fashion. If she woke up first, she jerked her hands and body away thinking he wouldn't know, but he always knew. If Jake woke up first, he'd often hold still and enjoy a few minutes remembering how they used to be. His mind wanted to pretend that all the circumstances were different. He watched her sleep nestled against him with a content expression on her face and for only a moment it seemed like they were a real couple that loved each other and were comfortable giving affection. Those were the only few normal minutes of each day, and he actually lived for those brief seconds or minutes. It helped him through the rest, the bad stuff.

"Sue's coming within the hour. Would you like to shower?"

"Can I shut the door?"

He never made her keep the bathroom door open, but he did change the doorknob out the first day so it couldn't be locked. He also hid the bathtub stopper. Baths weren't an option yet. He didn't trust her. She asked for the stopper several times which proved he made the right decision.

Bella stood up from her normal seat. Jacob told her to use the recliner since she often took naps. He was normally on the couch attempting to give her space, but never really out of reach. One second she was upright, the next she was tumbling down like a falling tree. His reflexes were quick and he caught her. Jacob was going to pick her up, but she resisted with what little strength she had left. He stood next to her and supported her as he pleaded with her once again. "Bells, honey. You've got to eat."

"That's not it. I got a little dizzy. Can I just have a bath instead of a shower? I can't stand that long and I want to relax for a change." She tried to step away from him, but Jacob wasn't letting go too soon. She was still wobbly.

He thought about it for a minute. "Fine, but Leah's going to have to go in the bathroom with you."

"You can't be serious. I'm fine now. I got up too fast. Let go."

He didn't because no way was she fine. "There's at least ten things in there that you could fall and crack your head on. She'll give you privacy, but if I let you fill the tub with water, that's how it's going to be. I don't even feel comfortable with you in a shower the way you're acting today. I swear this is malnutrition, plain and simple. Do you want a feeding tube, Bells? Because so help me, I'll tell Sue to make it happen."

"No! I'll rip it out. Stop it, just stop all this damn sustaining my life crap. You can board the windows and hide the sharp objects, but you can give me a will to live. Stop acting so controlling because it's only hurting you."

"How is what I'm doing hurting me?"

She looked up at him with those dim dying eyes, "Because you think you're making a difference and you're not."

* * *

Jacob paced outside the bedroom door while Sue and Leah were with Bella. Sue was taking blood this time. She brought a scale too. He had no idea what her starting weight was or how low it had gotten but she was 83 pounds as of today. Both Leah and Sue gave him hopeless looks. She was always on the petite side, maybe that wasn't too horrible. He didn't know for sure. Yeah, he did. She was bad off.

Leah came out first. "Mom's giving her some medicine to help her rest. She said she feels like throwing up."

"Throwing up what? She stopped eating anything yesterday."

"I don't know, man. Look, I turned the other way for the most part, but I had to help her out of the tub and I dried her off. She's like a few sticks put together. I was worried the whole time I'd break her. Mom wants to talk to her doctor friend. He has helped with some private issues before. She trusts him and we can hide the scars, maybe. She needs an intervention and a feeding tube."

"She'll rip it out. We already discussed it."

"Yeah, she probably will. Jake, I'm sorry to be the one that speaks the truth, but maybe... I mean, you might have to accept things."

"By things, you mean letting her starve herself until she dies?"

Sue interrupted Leah's answer which no doubt would be blunt and the last thing Jacob wanted to hear. "Jacob, she needs serious help. I can only do so much here."

He looked inside the room where Bella was covered up to her chin in the blankets. She was out cold or so he thought. She rasped out a few incoherent words.

"What Bells?"

"Blood. Give me more of Jake's blood."

That was surprising. A few minutes ago Bella told him what he did for her didn't change anything and now she wanted something to make her better. She rarely made sense.

"Those effects were temporary and Jacob can't donate so soon. It hasn't even been ten days."

"Sue, please. It's me. I regenerated in a few hours, I'm sure."

"I don't know. I'm not sure what Dr. Cul..."

"Don't mention his name."

Sue apologized and asked to speak to Jacob outside the bedroom. She cautioned Jacob about the procedure. He was willing to give it a shot, but he needed to speak to Bella again to figure out her motives.

"Bells..." she didn't move. "Bella, wake up. Why?"

She opened her eyes. "Why what?"

"Why do you want more blood?"

"To get better."

"That's a lie. Tell the truth or the answer's no."

"Fine. I want it to not feel pathetic and weak even if it's only a few hours. I want to imagine that I can stand up for myself or kick some ass. I know it's delusional, but it's better than this, isn't it? I fall asleep every five minutes. Maybe you could give me more this time and it would work even better."

"Oh, hell no. You sure you're not a bloodsucker?"

"Leah!"

"No, she's asking to bleed you dry, so she can feel better about her pathetic state for a few hours. I'm sorry, but you are a fucking selfish bitch. Jacob has his entire life on hold and you don't give a shit about anyone but yourself. Tell her no, Mom. It puts Jacob at risk. You got a bum deal. We all agree on that, but you put yourself in harm's way over and over. At some point, you need to take responsibility for that. This shit is getting old and it's only been a week. You could make the choice to drink the protein shakes or eat something. The strength will come slow, naturally."

"Leah, enough."

"No Jake, she wants to use your blood like a junkie taking a hit, and if you do it you're enabling her. Make her find inner strength instead."

"I have none, but you're right Leah. I'm a selfish bitch for asking. Forget it. I don't want the transfusion. Everybody get out of my room and let me sleep. Get out! Get the fuck out and let me die!"

Sue and Jacob started backing up, but Leah had to have the final word. "It's my room!" She slammed the door on Bella so hard the whole cabin quaked. Seth came through the front door to see what was wrong.

Leah pointed at Jacob. "Him, bro. Our alpha. I wanted to blame her for this, but you know what I just realized. We are all in this damn mess because of Jacob. You should have cut ties with her the second the tick summoned her with his fake suicide. She left you for him with no hesitation after all you did for her. When she returned with him and you let her worm her way back in, you fucked all our existence. Whatever bad things happened since are your fault, Jacob."

Leah pulled Seth out of the cabin and left Sue alone with Jacob.

"I'm sorry. She gets overly passionate and little mean when she's afraid. No matter what she says, I know my daughter and she cares about you and Bella too. I don't think we should try another transfusion."

"But will you, Sue? One more and I swear I'll never ask for another. Bella will have to find her strength elsewhere, but this time I won't be distracted with Sam. I can help her through it and maybe the effects will be long-lasting."

"Okay, I suppose I can bring what we need tomorrow morning, but today get plenty of rest, good food and hydration."

"I will, but one more favor, please."

"Sure. What else can I do for you?"

"Could you cook me something good? I'm so sick of ham and turkey sandwiches."

* * *

"Well, you're juiced up. Feel any different?"

"Thirsty maybe."

"Yeah, me too. I'll go get us some OJ and a bottle of water." Jacob stood up and the world went dark for a second. Sue and Seth caught him before he went down.

"Back to bed unless you want to spend a few hours on the floor. I'm not sure we can put you back in the bed if you faint."

"I can, Mom. Jeez, I'm almost as strong as Jake."

Jacob frowned at the young wolf. "Come again?"

"It was too much, wasn't it? I told Sue to stop and you kept saying a little more."

Jacob fell back on the mattress and let Sue go to the kitchen for him. He just needed a few more minutes. He might be woozy from the blood loss, but Bells almost sounded like she cared. "I'm fine. I'll be 110% in an hour."

Sue and Seth brought trays with an assortment of snacks and drinks. "No, today you're on strict bed rest. You and Bella both should take it easy. Last time she burned out too quickly. Eat, drink and rest. That's an order and I don't care if you're a new alpha. I'm a mother. A mother can override pack hierarchy."

"Yes, ma'am. We'll be good. Thanks Sue. You bring new meaning to the word lifesaver."

Bella agreed with him for a change. "Thank you. I'm feeling better again. Have you talked to Dad?"

"A few times. He's distressed, but there's some mischief going on at the high school. He has something to keep busy even if it doesn't completely take his mind off worrying. I didn't want to say anything, but he called... well, you know who he called. Charlie was told Bella was better, but had left without a word."

"What? When?"

"Last night, apparently."

"Oh my God. I wonder what's going through his mind?"

"Well, he was somewhat relieved because he thought that meant you recovered, but now he has new worries like why did you leave, where are you, why haven't you called?"

"Bells, I think we need to come up with something so you can call Charlie."

"I'm afraid."

"I know, but Charlie's suffering."

Bella took a drink and picked up a piece of fruit. Jacob wasn't going to push her today since they both needed a calm day, but he would bring it up again. Those shifty fuckers. He wondered why the Cullens told Charlie that information? It would have been better not to answer. They were up to something. He was sure of it. Sam's pack was keeping a decent watch on them, but Embry had been by once. He told Jacob Sam said it wasn't their only priority. It was weird to talk to Emb after everything that went down. So far, he was the only one that made direct contact and things were awkward. Maybe Leah wasn't the only one that blamed Jacob. They all probably carried some sort of grudge against him and the way things went down with Sam.

"Jacob, your father misses you as well. Maybe you should take your own advice and call Billy?"

"I will. I'll call after I get a nap. Thanks again. I know you have to get to work."

"Seth has school, but Leah will be close. Call if you need anything else. Don't forget not to push yourself at least 24 hours."

Jacob and Bella both ate their snacks. He ate three times as much as she did, but it was progress. He swore she ate more from their trays than she'd eaten in four solid days. A nap sounded good. He slept like shit the night before worrying if he was doing the right thing and a little more than he wanted about the things Leah said to him.

"I'm going to close my eyes. You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm going to sleep a little too. Last night sucked. You kept moving."

"Oh, sorry. I could've gone to the couch. I didn't know I was keeping you awake."

"No. It was more than that."

Jacob relaxed and turned on his side with his back to Bella. He doubted he needed more than five minutes to drift off.

"So Leah's pretty protective of you. I didn't realize you'd gotten so close to her."

Jacob slowly rolled back just enough to eye Bells over his shoulder. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing. I just didn't realize."

"Well, I'm not sure what you're realizing. Be more specific."

"I think she has a crush is all, unless it's more."

"A crush?" He laughed out loud. Leah would be laughing louder if she was inside and heard that absurd comment. He calmed down enough to ask what she meant by _more._

"Did something happen or _is_ something going on between the two of you? She gave up her cabin without hesitation and she's here night and day it seems. She hates my guts, so I'm starting to assume it's jealousy."

"Stop, Bells. I can't be overexerted right now and you're being hilarious for a change. Leah is like a sister, probably closer to me than my actual sisters, but no, nothing happened or is going on. She most certainly doesn't have a crush on me, but the fact that it bothers you she might is duly noted."

"Oh, it doesn't bother me. I'm happy for the two of you, so you don't have to pretend. Like I said before, nothing affects my final outcome."

"Go to sleep, Bells and stop over-thinking."

"I'm not. I was merely having a conversation. Do you prefer when I don't speak at all?"

"No. I hate that shit, but since we both agreed to take a nap, how about saving the conversation for when I'm ready to wake up?"

"No problem."

"Good. We'll catch up in a few hours, but not about Leah. I think it might help if you start talking about your feelings a little more."

"Are you studying psychology in your spare time? You keep spouting off lingo that's uncommon for a teenage boy."

"Spare time? Be real, you, Bells take up _all_ my time."

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **Thoughts, predictions, interpretations? All I can tell you is next two chapters will be major.**_


	10. Chapter 10

**_~A/N Thanks for your patience, dear readers. This chapter has been on my mind for a long time. It's not an easy one to tell even though it's fiction. This story is a challenge I set for myself. If I'm being completely honest, it is so much more than a supernatural fic. That is not the true heart of this emotional tale._**

 ** _Forget everything you knew about Edward from the books, I wrote something entirely different. Stephenie intended to romanticize a relationship with a monster. I wrote something real instead._**

 ** _*** So here we go. Please be advised this chapter comes with a warning. This is Bella's story about her honeymoon. ***_**

Chapter 10

Jacob lifted his eyelids slowly to find Bella watching him sleep. She was barely a centimeter from his face. Neither spoke. He didn't move because he didn't want to scare her away. There was something in her expression he hadn't seen in a long time. She had emotion not blatant, but definitely not a blank slate.

Bella broke the silence. "Do you really want to know?"

Jacob swallowed. _Did_ _h_ _e?_ Yes and no, but if she was in a talking mood, he had to listen. It could be a major breakthrough. "Yes, I think you should tell me more, but only what you feel comfortable saying. We don't have to talk about everything at once."

"I didn't ask for it. I said no from the beginning and even though ultimately this is all my fault, I need you to know that much."

Jacob had been conflicted every moment since the wedding, but hearing that confession was a total mindfuck. He didn't even know how to process her confession. He knew deep down she didn't ask to be brutalized, tortured and raped by a vampire, but one part of him wondered if Bella started things out like a normal honeymoon. She insisted at the reception that was the case.

He tried to prepare himself in case she ever confided in him, but nothing prepared him for what was to come. Bella explained leaving the reception and a subsequent twinge of guilt made her sick to her stomach.

"I heard you, I mean, your wolf. His cries filled the silence of the car and both of us pretended not to hear. It was easier not to acknowledge it. I saw your face, the way you smiled the first second of our reunion not after you got angry with me. I replayed Dad's somber goodbye and pictured Mom's enthusiastic well wishes. She thought we would embark on a new stage of our relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth, but I was confident in my decisions. This was Edward. I could never love anyone like I loved him. We made those promises at the altar. They meant more than anyone else's disappointment."

 _Ouch._ That hurt more than he thought it would. He'd heard similar sentiments, but her words sunk in. None of them mattered like the leech.

* * *

Jacob and Bella sat up in the bed, but didn't leave the bedroom. He didn't want any distraction that might cause her to retreat into her own mind or the truth might never come out. Minutes ticked by, but they didn't move. Bella kept talking. Jacob kept listening. She'd quit if it was too much.

Bella skipped ahead to the plane ride. The honeymoon location was unknown to her from the start until they ended up on a private island in a remote area of Brazil. Bella claimed to be exhausted and most of the journey was spent in restless sleep because her mind needed a break.

"He opened the suitcases. I hadn't packed my own bags. Alice did it for me which was so like her. The contents were so unlike me, but I wasn't surprised. I asked for a human moment and took one bag into the bathroom. Eventually, I realized I was stalling with a long bath and unnecessary primping. He didn't care about such things and neither did I. Was it nerves? I don't know. Maybe. Perhaps, it was my previously dormant instincts. My ill feelings didn't subside, so I considered what to say to Edward. He was always on the cautious side, so he'd understand I needed another night to myself. I was the one that pressed the physical side of our relationship, so I felt like I had total control of the situation."

Bella quietened. He waited for her to break the pause, but she slipped into that dark place a few minutes, the place she stayed. She was reluctant to bring him into the darkness, but Jacob didn't need her protection. She needed his.

"Bells." Jacob wanted to touch her, but she couldn't handle his touch. She'd pull away. Touching her used to be so natural. It was practically forbidden now unless they were sleeping.

"I bled."

"Huh? When?"

"I have no idea what happened. The beginning is a blur, but I touched the bed and then my finger was bleeding. It was a spot. I'd bled worse in front of him when Victoria arrived. He said he had control. He lied. Edward lied from the start or maybe not. He said he wanted to kill me. He said he was dangerous. But I didn't listen because he wouldn't hurt me. That was how I always justified our relationship. I truly believed he'd never hurt me. I was an idiot. Love is blind, right? I was blind until I saw him taste my blood. He grasped my finger and brought it between his cool lips. The veil lifted and I was face to face with a monster, Jake. He was so scary. I have to know, is that what you've always seen?"

Jacob cleared his throat in an attempt to push his raging emotions down once more. Still. After all these weeks, Bella was petrified. Her voice trembled, her heart raced and her eyes spilled tears.

He nodded slightly and listened.

Jacob's senses allowed him to hear and sense everything. Even without the supernatural attributes, he felt too much. He felt her anguish and her pain. Jacob knew Bells so well, it was like they both were there the night the monster came forward.

"Do you need to stop? It's okay, Bells. I said you need to let it out, but only if it helps. If this is making it worse for you, don't say anymore today. There's no rush. I get it. Well, not really, but I know he's a fucking bloodsucking demon. I always knew, but even I can admit, I never thought he'd willfully hurt you. Not like this. I don't even know what I thought." His head fell forward. "I should have protected you."

"I wouldn't let you. You tried. And no, I'm not stopping. I have to keep going or I'll never tell you this... ever. Maybe if I say it, I can begin to stop reliving it. I thought I could bring him back to normal. His eyes were black, his facial features morphed into some disfigured human, like the beauty melted away and the true layer was exposed. I can't explain it in words. Edward always glowed to me like a god of sorts. On that night, he was ugly, hideous even. The thirst transformed him. I snatched my hand away and told him to stop, to leave me and head to the jungle. He needed to hunt. Instead, I was the prey."

"He shoved me to the bed and told me never to pull away from him again. I was his wife, I promised myself to him and him alone. The other things we said to each other aren't important. I screamed at him hoping to snap him out of it, but he seemed to get off on it. He liked that I was angry and frightened of him."

Fuck. That motherfucker belonged in Hell and Jacob was exactly the one to send him there. He wanted to tell her to stop again, not for her sake, for his. She was just getting started and it was already too much. Deep down, he knew terrible things happened to her considering her physical and mental state, but hearing it from her lips made it far too real.

"Are you still with me, Jake?"

He nodded again.

"Edward tore off the expensive lingerie. Can you believe I was confident he wouldn't go there with me? He wasn't like that or like any normal teenage boys with sex on the brain 24/7. I was more concerned about his need to hunt not that I was about to be sexually assaulted, but then I was stripped. He'd never seen me fully naked. He didn't even look at me, Jake. Edward is not a man. That was the first moment that fact actually came to me. I married a non-human. It wasn't sex. Pain. God, you have no idea how much it hurt. Even now, saying it makes me feel dizzy. He split me in two. I'll never be whole again. That was the start of my worst imaginable torture and the reason I want to die. Who would want to live as half a person? Half is being generous because I'm less."

Jacob touched her hand and she scooted further away. "Please don't touch me."

"I'm sorry, but Bells you're not less than half a person. You're still _you_ inside. It's going to take time to heal. I'm not giving up. I think I've proven that."

"You have proven lots to me, especially that I'm not worthy of a man like you." Her hand hung in the air between them like she wished to touch his cheek, but couldn't bring herself to do it. "The boy I first knew is long gone. You're a man because of all this, but there's naivety in your eyes and your hope is foolish." She dropped her hand to lift her long-sleeve Henley. Bells kept covered around him. She wore a fitted dark blue tank top underneath. He could see most of the bites. Bella kept them hidden, but today she wanted him to see. His eyes fell to the mattress. "You hate looking at them... at me."

"I... I... they're scars, honey. No, that's not true, I don't hate looking at you." He didn't hate it, but seeing the scars hurt so fucking much and she knew. There was no way to hide that. "They don't define you or change who you are on the inside."

"Wrong. These change everything. They are here as a permanent reminder. He'll always be with us. If you touch me, you'll touch what he did. That's inevitable. You'll be tortured by it. If by some miracle I could ever accept human contact or intimacy from you, Edward would be in between us. Our skin could never fuse together without this part of him being in the middle. You deserve a whole woman. I still think Leah might..." Her voice trailed off.

"Leah is my friend. She's pack."

"Your im..."

"Don't you dare. That doesn't exist for me. You're wrong. I can erase him. The leech will only come between us if you let him."

"Do you want to know why he bit me the first time?"

"Because he's a sick fuck that thought you wanted to change to be just like him."

"Maybe, but while he thrust into me with unrelenting force, I made feeble attempts to push him off. I told him he was hurting me, begged him to stop. I felt the blood pouring between my legs. Something was wrong. It wasn't normal by any means. Edward was more enraged than ever. He growled he was giving me what I'd always begged for. He hurt me worse, wanted to know why I changed my mind. Was I still hung up on the teenage wolf back home? _Jacob Black._ Your name forced me to remember you. I didn't want to, not at that moment. It was the worst time to see your face, but I did and as my body suffered, my heart shattered into a million fragments. You were my best friend and I knew without a doubt, you would have loved and cherished me. We would have had a beautiful life together, Jake. Edward was raping me, killing me and I could still see a glimpse of us. Happy."

"Don't say it like that, like it can never be real. We can be happy again. Time and love has a way of healing. You think you're not getting better, but there's been subtle changes. I didn't sleep a wink for days, knowing you'd kill yourself the minute I shut my eyes. Now, the nights are safe for both of us. Don't let him keep stealing from you, we can have that life one day."

"No. That fantasy doesn't exist. It was my first peek into Hell. I had multiple opportunities to take your hand, walk away from Edward, and make that life come true. When I pulled away at the reception, I lost it. Forever."

"Bullshit. When I found you breathing again, we got it back."

"He pressed my arms into the mattress over my head when he finished. My arms cracked next to my ears. I couldn't fight back any longer. It never made a difference, anyway. I'm sure I passed out. I was dying. When I regained consciousness, I begged for death, but it didn't happen. The bed was covered in my blood. I had internal injuries, broken arms and an eviscerated soul. Edward changed again. He panicked. He sounded remorseful. If vampires cried, maybe that's how I imagined it would sound. He kept saying my name and apologizing. 'It wasn't me, Love.' It was him. I'll never forget his face hovering over me. I still see it, every single day. I see him."

"He bit me hard." Bella touched the mark where her neck met her shoulder. "The burn ignited my flesh and blood. This was it. I'd change. Only, it wouldn't be like we planned. We would never live happily-ever-after like the fairytale I concocted. I already contemplated Edward's demise. I'd come back stronger than him and ending him was first on the agenda. But the burn ceased. As quick as it consumed me, it disappeared even faster. Gone, like it never happened. Edward grimaced. 'That's impossible.' Then came the next bite and the exact same experience. I lost count that first night. I hovered between life and death, but never close to the transformation. The last words I remembered from our first tortuous night were, 'what are you?' Don't you wonder that as well, Jake? What the hell am I? I shouldn't exist."

"Of course you should exist, Bells. You're Charlie and Renee's daughter, my best friend and you're a human. You're beautiful and I love you."

"You want to know the rest, don't you?"

"I think I know all I need to know. Stop blaming yourself and putting yourself down. You are by far the strongest woman I will ever know. I despise this happened to you, but I'm overjoyed you're a survivor. I will not stop saying this. We will get through this. I'm not going anywhere."

"He couldn't resist. He tasted my blood again the next morning and it started over, the whole process: pain, rape, blood and bites. The remorse followed each and every time. His apologies and excuses only made it worse. Finally, he gave in. If he couldn't kill or change me, he had to consult Carlisle. I overheard him on the phone. I had a chance of rescue. Of course, by rescue, I meant Carlisle finding a way to put me out of my misery. I knew there was no chance of recovery. He should have medicine, life-ending medication since Edward's methods failed."

"I think I know this part. Dr. Death didn't help you. He constructed a cover-up to protect his son. He made these creatures for reasons unknown. He claims it was mercy to cheat death, but he gave them fates worse than death. He deserves the same as the leech and the little witch, too. She knew. She saw it all."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're right. I thought Carlisle was good. He was the reason I was convinced vampires still had souls. I made the mistake to use my last bit of energy to tell Edward, 'wait until I tell Carlisle the truth.' He grabbed me by the throat, said Carlisle would fix me, and I didn't need to confuse him with my delusions. He choked me so hard, I felt a tear inside my throat. There'd be no way to form words for a long time, but when Carlisle arrived, I spoke to him with my eyes. He knew, Jake. There's no way he didn't know what had happened. He looked at Edward's blood-red eyes and made him leave. He said Esme and Rosalie can never know, told him to hunt in the jungles until the problem was corrected. I was a problem, no longer a human being to them. I guess that's one thing we agreed on those days Carlisle tried his best to piece my broken body back together. At least my mind was strong enough to put myself into a coma. That was the closest I could get to death and there was some peace there- for a little while."

Jacob took a deep breath. Their eyes connected. Even though their bodies couldn't touch, he could touch her soul. He pushed off the bed and stumbled.

"Careful, Jake. Where's Leah? Never mind, I feel stronger. I'll go get you some juice."

"Stay, Bells."

He gained his balance and turned toward the door. He took two slow steps. "Come back to bed."

"I can't."

"Where are you going?"

"You know where."

"NO! Not today. You heard Sue. It can't be today."

"It has to be. This ends now. You had to know when you told me, I couldn't wait any longer. Don't fucking tell me you're begging for their lives."

"I'm not. I'm begging for yours. You're weak, Jake."

"I'm coming around. The wolf will take over. I'll be fine."

"Jacob, it's been weeks, what's another day?"

"It's another day you stare at the windows or door worried that he will bust inside to take you. Don't think I haven't known what your nightmares are about. You aren't only reliving what happened, you're preparing yourself that it could happen again. After today, you'll never worry about that again."

"He could kill you. We have no idea what they're planning over there. He reads your mind. Stop this. Call Sam. Bring him over. I'll tell them all at once. I'll tell the truth this time and they'll help."

"No. This is my kill. No one needs to help me protect you."

Bella screamed in hopes of alerting Leah. Seth was still in school, but Leah was nearby. She swung open the cabin door seconds later. "Stay with her. I mean it, Leah. Don't take your eyes off Bella no matter what until I get back. I will be back, Bells. That's a promise."

* * *

Bella wailed louder and her pleas ripped him to shreds because he couldn't stay with her. She needed him with her for comfort after that emotional confession, but Edward's punishment overrode his need to comfort her. Leah would obey him, she hadn't questioned the order. Jacob left them and let the wolf take over. He stumbled at first, but strength and determination took hold. No one was in his head, so he could focus. It was possible Sam's pack would find out and join in. He had to get to _him_ first. They could take down the others, but Jacob had to face Edward alone like Bella had. This time would be so different for the bloodsucker. He was a formidable opponent unlike a fragile human girl. Jacob wouldn't be a victim. He replayed Bella's confession through his mind to fuel the rage that had been put off because of her urgent needs, 'split me in two, bit me hard, blood pouring...'

He arrived at an empty Cullen residence. The wolf sniffed the air. They were all there recently. He scented his brothers. The packs split, but they were still one family. Jacob imagined the Cullens went hunting and whoever was on patrol had followed. The vamps would be fueled by fresh blood, but Jacob hardly worried. If he was right, his gut told him it wouldn't be seven against one. He had allies because of Rose. He wasn't sure how many would turn against their leader, but he hoped at least three.

An approaching stench alerted him. One was returning, not the one he wanted the most.

"Jacob Black. I'm surprised to see you here. Is it Bella?"

Jacob shifted human, so he could speak his mind. He stood tall and stoic ignoring his own nudity. The bad blood between them was evident. "Yes, it's always been about her. I wanted Edward."

"Well, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Let me call Sam. Perhaps we can have a meeting."

"I'm not in the meeting mood, you sick fuck. I said I wanted Edward, but guess what? You're a good place to start since this all began because of you!" Carlisle had little time to react at the wolf's reemergence. He attacked without hesitation. Dr. Fang begged for mercy before fighting back. It was no use. The wolf had pent up anger against these abominations since the beginning. The war was on. Jacob was breaking all the rules of combat. He acted alone. The treaty of his ancestors was ripped into shreds with every mutilation he implemented on the doctor leech.

 _Bella, Bella, Bella_ consumed him like always. She might never forget what happened, but he swore to her, she'd never have to be afraid again and he wasn't about to start lying to her. Jacob always told Bells the truth. He promised to come back to her and he would. He'd come back the victor. It wouldn't miraculously heal her, but it'd be the first step to that life he assured her they still deserved. Bella and Jacob would get their future. It wasn't just a glimpse, it was real.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **Share your thoughts and feelings. I always appreciate them. I might have to day drink after this update.**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**This is short by my standards, but it is also exactly what's needed.**_

Chapter 11

The wolf twisted toward the sound. Good. He arrived just in time to witness the execution. Jacob swung and released the severed head, so that it fell ceremoniously at the feet of his next victim.

"Nooooooo!" The tick screamed. Jacob was out of time for his one-on-one final showdown. The others would be alerted to the trouble. "Carlisle! No, it can't be, you didn't deserve this fate." Edward's shimmering golden eyes zeroed in on Jacob's. "You vile beast. I'll destroy you for this."

Jacob didn't have to change to speak to him. His thoughts were open. He flashed a thought of a broken Bella. _I know every last detail. You're next._

"She's sick- mentally. It didn't happen like that. Carlisle and I were saving her."

Jacob gave him one last thought, _you just prolonged the torture I have planned, filthy liar. Rapist._

He shut his mind down. That's all the leech would get. He knew exactly why Jacob had come and the end was near. Jacob unlocked hidden skills while he was a runaway wolf. No one knew what happened during his disappearance, but it wasn't just about wallowing in self-pity. His wolf pushed his limits, trained harder, developed better instincts. Sam saw a glimpse the night he broke away from the pack. Jacob smelt his fear. His former alpha was no match for him. His total dominant, alpha side was discovered during that hiatus. Jacob planned to bury it when he returned home because he lost Bells for good. It scared him at first, but now he accepted who he truly was.

The doctor's beheading rattled the leech. Being surprised by Carlisle Cullen had been a blessing in disguise. Wolf and vampire collided with an explosive force. Edward was never going to beg like his adoptive father had. He still believed in his twisted mind, he hadn't been wrong. He'd made excuses to Bella and his family. He had the nerve to blame her one last time to Jacob. Edward pushed back harder than Jacob expected. The wolf rolled fast and came to an abrupt halt with his back against a tall, unyielding tree. A sharp pain stole his breath. The russet wolf was slow to stand. The bloodsucker had already ascended said tree. He dropped down hard on the wolf's back taking his breath a second time.

Jacob felt it that time, his spine jolted, sending pain to every nerve-ending in his body. He wasn't 100%. He hadn't fully recovered from the transfusion and even though Carlisle's fight was less than the current one, it had drained him. He never was up for this second round with no backup. He needed to shake it off.

 _Bella, Bella, Bella_

She counted on his return. Bells wouldn't survive if Jacob didn't. There was no other option. He had to beat Edward.

They took turns gaining the upper hand, but the worst thing for Jake came skipping between the trees. The stupid pixie arrived. Fuck. Two, uniquely in-tune demons against one vengeful wolf wasn't how he saw this playing out. He was slower after each blow. The two vampires choreographed a hit from each side. His cracked ribs caused more damage. Jacob knew his left lung was pierced. He was going to die if he didn't get a moment to catch his breath and heal some. Another voice hit Jacob's sensitive eardrums, but it wasn't friendly. There was a time he thought that one might be on the side of reason, but ultimately his true loyalty was with the mate. The southern drawl was not what he needed to hear in the distance.

 _Seth. Bro, are you there? Seth. Get Sam. Hurry._

His eyes dimmed. He called to the kid hoping he phased in as soon as school let out.

 _Bella, Bella, Bella_

His father taught him through the years about the afterlife. Jacob believed. Maybe that's where he and Bella would finally be together. His plan was crumbling because of his current injuries and being outnumbered. He was so sure of himself in the beginning, but going against Sue's strict orders was a risk he never should have taken. Edward was injured, but it hadn't been enough to slow him down.

Jacob's wolf managed to stand on all fours once again, but the tender back paw made him question what else was broken. He'd never give up. The three vamps circled around. They'd coordinated. He didn't flinch as they ran full speed in a triangular formation straight for him. He almost considered shifting back to a man. He was doomed so might as well face them, maybe have a last word. His back leg couldn't hold much of his weight. Running wasn't an option. At least he had no doubt the guys would show up and finish it. Edward still wasn't making it out alive.

Jacob closed his eyes briefly. _No. Don't._ Bella watched during her torture. The wolf blinked his long lashes. Dust, blood and debris clouded his vision, but his nose worked well enough.

Reinforcements. Seth heard and apparently, Brady and Embry had been tracking the Cullen's steps. More were in route, Seth shouted in his mind.

 _Pack. Brothers. Family. Sam's pack._

The wolf lurched forward with his last bit of energy. The vamps' approach was obstructed. Bodies and fur collided. Jacob closed his eyes. He caught his breath. He felt partial mending take place inside his broken body. When he opened them again, he saw the fight had changed in their favor. Blondie showed up and was kicking Alice's ass. The wolf wished he could manage a chuckle, but it hurt too bad. Jacob wanted back in the fight, but he needed a few more minutes. The next time his eyes closed, he saw Bells. She needed him. _Stand up and fight._ He had to find strength from within and he did. It was all from her. When he saw Edward make a break for the forest, his will took over. Hurt or not, he couldn't give up.

The wolf gave chase. Edward stopped, circled around and pounced again. He knew exactly where to hurt Jake. Those fragile ribs snapped again. Sam came to the rescue when he caught the leech's ankle. He jerked his snout and the leg separated just below the knee.

The rest happened fast. Jacob wanted to make the death as painful as possible, but he couldn't chance Edward escaping. Sam must have called the entire pack. Embry and Paul jumped in the brawl. Time had run out for Edward Cullen. Sam's pack could have easily finished him off and even though he no longer had them in his head, they all knew what Jacob wanted. Four wolves ended up grabbing onto the vampire. Jacob's wolf nodded, and the leech lost all that was left of his appendages at once. He was helpless. Jacob's mind flashed to Bella in one of her many moments of brokenness.

 _She was helpless, your victim after you promised to love her. Guess what? She will survive. You didn't win. Bella did. Burn in Hell, motherfucker and never forget who sent you there._

Jacob's front paws crushed onto Edward's chest, his teeth crunched together in anticipation of the final bite. He leaned closer, hovering in front the leech's face until drips of saliva coated his pasty exterior. All Cullen could see was the beast that was about to destroy him. There was no struggle left. His eyes scanned side to side; the bloodsucker knew he was finished. Jacob rose enough to give him the distance he needed for the perfect amount of force to end that fucker. He hesitated and he shouldn't have because just before he decapitated him, Edward spoke one final thing. "She was always meant to be mine not yours. You'll hurt her worse. You're going to imprint. Alice saw."

His head snapped off with one last grind of Jacob's powerful jaws. He immediately released the bitter taste of rot and watched it roll to a stop next to Sam's front paws. Jacob looked at his brothers for only a second before collapsing to the earth.

 _He_ was lying. That was one last lie to get under his skin and make them suffer a little more. Damn him for uttering a word. Jacob hated that bastard in life and in death. He didn't think he could hate him anymore after Bella's confession about the honeymoon. Jacob was wrong. Hate like this could drive a man insane. Fear, anger and worry wrapped around his fragile spirit. Never in a million years would Jacob hurt her.

 _Bella, Bella, Bella_

Imprinting was the ultimate burden unless it had been with her and it hadn't. His life belonged to Bella. It always had. Jacob's runaway thoughts abruptly halted. Chaos from the clean up and the surviving Cullens' interrogation echoed from every direction. Jacob wanted to know what was going on, but more importantly, he needed to get back to Bella. He imagined standing back up, phasing, talking and other things, but it might have been a dream.

He spoke her name from his human lips. He was positive, so phasing back had been real.

"Bells..."

Someone else answered him. Lights, smells and sounds were everywhere. Nothing made sense to Jacob in that moment. He killed Edward Cullen exactly how it should have been, but something was still not right. Total darkness and eerie silence followed and then there was nothing.

 _ **~Thanks so much for reading.**_

 _ **Okay, finally Edward got his, but...**_

 _ **If this story isn't angsty enough for a table flip or electronics damage, then I must be losing my touch. Hit me back with your thoughts.**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**~I'm well aware the angst is turned up almost to a maximum level in this story. I'm sure many of you are expecting the same in this update, but I have a surprise for you. LOL! This chapter will not be what you're expecting. I would categorize it as a huge turning point.**_

 ** _This is Bella waiting to hear word on Jacob._**

Chapter 12

"Sit down, please. You're making me dizzy. I think I liked you better when you had the energy of a potato."

Bella couldn't sit still. She paced all over the tiny cabin multiple times. Leah wouldn't allow her to open the door, but she climbed on a footstool to look over the boarded windows once.

The only thing that helped her nerves slightly was eating. She was extremely worried about the way Jacob tore out of there without a plan or the strength he needed to face Edward. She was also strung out on his blood. That was the only way she could describe it. Her appetite activated again and she couldn't consume enough to feel satisfied.

"Why isn't he back yet?"

"Because you had to tell him the truth today of all days. He asked plenty of other times."

"I didn't... I mean, it wasn't planned. It's just, I never could say it, and I thought I never would, but when I opened my eyes and saw him resting next to me, something happened."

"What?"

"It was like I was seeing Jake for the first time again."

"That makes no sense. He's been with you constantly since you woke up."

"Yeah, I know, but today, I saw the old Jake, the one I used to hang out with, the Jacob I... well, never mind. I should have kept my mouth shut. Why don't you phase and see what's happening? That's the least you could do."

"No. Because that would require me taking my eyes off you and I can't break that order."

* * *

Another hour passed. Bella hadn't calmed down in the least. She was actually worse. Leah jumped to her feet without a warning.

"What is it?"

"Someone's coming. They're here."

"Who, Leah? Who's here? The pack? Jake? Oh my God, not Edward?"

"No, the guys, Jake's with them. My mother."

"What are you waiting for? Go! Please, run." Leah hesitated. "He said until he got back; you just said he's out there. Now, go!"

Leah ran out the door. Bella stood on the porch and watched. It took a few more minutes before she finally heard for herself. She hardly knew one second of peace since her marriage to Edward, but maybe Bella had experienced some episodes of calm with Jacob after all. Because when she saw the guys, her heart sunk to the lowest depths. She hadn't been at her worst like she so often thought the past few days. Any smidgen of progress was annihilated. Jacob was injured, badly. Six of the guys were carrying him. It resembled the moment after the newborn attack except this time he wasn't screaming in pain. Jacob wasn't moving or making a sound.

Sue and Leah followed. Bella shouted, "What happened? Jake! Jacob, can you hear me?"

Quil responded first, "No way, he's drugged out of his mind."

"Oh, so he's sedated not..."

Sue said she'd been working on him and giving him a large dose of meds was the only way to settle him down, so they could set his ribs. She faced Bella. "Sweetie, he was hurt bad, but he's healing. He needs a few days rest, but I promise if he doesn't run out of bed again when he isn't supposed to, he'll be fine. I wanted to take him to the clinic, but the last time he made any sense was speaking your name. I figured this would be the best place for his recuperation."

"Lee, jeez... remember us? Jake ain't exactly light as a feather. Where do we put him?"

"Shower. He's a mess and he's not going on any of my furniture in that state. Do you know how hard blood is to get out of white linens?

Bella watched from across the room as the guys crammed their large bodies in the tiny bathroom. She was frozen, unsure if there was anything she could do. Leah snapped her fingers in front of her face. "Hey, earth to Bella. Did you hear me? I said go in the bathroom and sit with Jacob, so he doesn't drown. We're having a meeting outside."

"What? I can't. How am I supposed to do that? He's unconscious. Can't Quil or Seth stay with him?"

"No. We all have to be a part of the meeting. Go on. I told Emb to cover his junk so you don't have a heart attack. We'll be back in five minutes."

"Five? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, ten at the most. Anyway, keep yourself busy and start scrubbing. He's filthy."

Bella couldn't believe Leah. She was far too calm. She took tentative steps inside the bathroom. The shower was on full blast with heavy steam already filling the room. Jacob was propped to the side at the back of the tub. His knees were bent and Leah told the truth, a hand towel was draped across his lap. He looked bad, really bad, but Sue promised he was going to be okay. Fear overwhelmed her. What happened? Where was Edward? She was clueless what was going on, but she had a task to perform. Leah said to bathe Jacob, so Bella grabbed a few necessities before kneeling beside the bathtub.

"Jake. I'm going to clean you up, okay? Oh, and it's me, Bells."

He groaned. What a relief that he made a slight indication he understood. First, she attempted to fill a cup, so she could pour water over him where the shower spray was missing.

"Dammit. That's too hot. Hold on."

She stood up to adjust the temperature. Jacob raised his hand and grabbed her wrist. She stiffened from his touch, her heart raced, but she managed to push it down. It was Jake. Bella had to remind herself the contact was coming from Jacob. He would never hurt her, most people on earth wouldn't hurt her. She was safe. Her brain insisted her body calm itself. She needed to take care of him.

He groaned her name as she slipped away from his grasp. "Yes, it's me Bells. I need to wash you up."

"Mmmm, you're bathing me? I think you're not really Bells. I must be dreaming. This scenario is one my favorites."

Bella's cheeks flushed. Drugs. He was talking out of his head. "Umm, hold still. I need to rinse you off. You're bloody and dirty." Where the hell was Leah? It was way past ten minutes.

"But am I, uhh, am I bloody dirty?" He asked in a horrible accent and attempted to laugh. He moaned and winced as he held his middle. "Fuck. That hurts."

"Stop it. Sue said you need complete rest. Stop trying to be funny. Nothing about this is funny, you idiot. I can't believe you risked your life. What if you..."

She hushed since she couldn't say anything else without crying. Bella poured warm cups of water on him. Jacob closed his eyes again. She soaped up a washcloth and started to rub the worst spots of caked mud and dried blood. He had cuts and scraps everywhere. Some were really deep and still oozing blood. As soon as the wounds were cleaned, his skin almost immediately looked better. The debris must inhibit the healing. She needed to be thorough then.

Dammit. What kind of meeting was this important? Maybe Embry could finish this. Bella was afraid to move him around and she hadn't even looked as his back. Damn him. Not Jake. She hadn't heard yet, but hopefully Edward was finished. Damn him for doing this to Jacob. He didn't deserve this. And he did it all for her. She wasn't worth it. Bella knew without a doubt she wasn't worth the risk Jacob took.

"Jake, can you hear me? I need you to turn a bit so I can check your back."

He slowly turned. Bella's hand hovered. She didn't know how to help because she was so afraid of hurting him again. He managed the maneuver without any assistance. Jacob's head rested against the tiles. An audible gasp escaped her lips. His back. He was completely black and blue. A deep gash ran from his shoulder blade down the middle of his back almost all the way to his hip. Her hands shook as she attempted to clean that cut, but she had to do it. Bella got the soapy rag again. She had to scrub.

He screamed. "That burns like hell, Bells!"

"Sorry, but cleaning the wound is important. Just a few more minutes, I swear."

Finally, Bella felt like her job was done. She scrubbed every part of him minus that area under his hand towel. She switched off the water and grabbed some towels. Bella covered his wet body with multiple towels. There was no way she was picking him up out of the tub. That was impossible. Now she needed to figure out what happened to everyone else. He wasn't in danger at the moment. He appeared to be out from the meds again.

Bella spoke up, "I'm going to check on the guys. They're outside. I'll get them to help you into bed."

"Bells, wait. Did they tell you?"

"None of that now, it isn't important. Rest, Jake. We'll talk later."

"No, wait, it's the most important news of the day. You need to know this now. He's gone for good. I ended it."

She nodded her head. Bella thought that was the case even if she wasn't sure until Jacob told her. She should feel something, but she didn't. Not much changed inside of her. There was still numbness. The only thing that made sense was helping Jacob. That was her focus and she hated how he was hurt, but at least this provided her the slightest purpose. Bella clung to that. A purpose.

"I really should snag Seth or Quil to help you. Pretty sure Leah forgot about us in here."

He grabbed the sides of the tub and started to drag his body forward. "Fuck."

"Don't, Jake."

"I got it. It's going to take me a while. Hey, can you help?"

"I... I'm not sure."

Shit. Bella was an idiot. She followed his instructions and soon enough he had both feet planted on the bathroom floor. She kept her eyes shut since his towels all fell away in the process. She would be a terrible nurse. Bella had so much respect for Sue who she wished would come back any second. He complained his ankle hurt too much to walk on his own, so he leaned into her. There was apologizing from both of them. She was inept and he worried he was crushing her from the amount of weight he put on her shoulders. By some miracle, they made it to the bed which presented an entire new set of complications. He couldn't just fall over. Jacob sensed her discomfort. He grabbed the throw blanket off the bed and bunched it up in front of him and halfway around his waist.

"Okay, I'm going down sideways, but right side not the left. We're going to have to hurry, Bells. I'm dizzy."

It took a few tries and Jacob swore a few more times, but eventually he was on the mattress and in one piece.

* * *

"Hold on, Jake."

Bella heard raised voices out front. She checked on him again because he hadn't answered or moved since collapsing onto his side. She tugged the blanket to make sure he stayed covered in the right spot before heading outside. The struggle completely wore him out.

The argument outside escalated. Someone was shouting at Leah, so Bella pressed her ear to the door.

"That's insane. Back up, Lee. She can't be responsible for this. This could end in tragedy for both of them."

"Shut it, Sam. You don't call the shots anymore, especially not for me. Mom, truth, is Jake's life at risk?"

"Well, I doubt it. He seemed stable, but he needs rest and the proper pain control which makes him a fall risk."

"I got that. You gave me the instructions. So, bye everyone. I'll be in touch."

"I dare you to ask him. Jacob will agree with me. Your half-baked plan is a disaster."

"No, thanks. I didn't ask for opinions. Get the fuck off my property, all of you. Thanks for rescuing my alpha's ass, but run along except you, Mom. Technically, this is your property. You don't have to get the fuck outta here. I'd never speak to you like that, but hand me the bag and goodbye. Love ya."

"Leah, honey. I'm not worried about Jacob. I'm worried about her. This idea could backfire."

That was all Bella could take. She swung open the door. "What? What could backfire? And thanks so much for the help you promised. I had to take care of Jacob all by myself."

"Did he drown?"

"Of course not."

"Is he clean and on the road to healing?"

"Well, I think so. Once I cleaned him up, his skin appeared to mend a lot faster."

"Is he still bare ass passed out in the bathroom?"

"No, he woke up enough so I could help him into bed."

"So you handled it?"

"Yes, but you said... Never mind. What's all the shouting about? Where did Sam go? Are all the guys gone? Sue, come back to the bedroom and examine Jake. I want to know if moving him messed anything up."

"Mom, don't. Give me the bag and go home. She just proved I'm right about this."

"Well, I... Bella, you can call me anytime day or night. He needs to stay hydrated and…"

Leah pulled Bella back inside the cabin and shut the door in her mother's face.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why is everyone leaving us?"

Leah was rude, but she was taking it to the next level. Bella had no idea what was going on. She didn't answer. Instead, she turned around and walked back to the bedroom.

"Okay, watch and learn." Leah poked Jacob's side. He groaned. "Does that still hurt like a bitch, Black?"

"Yes, dammit. What the hell, Lee?"

She reached in Sue's big medical bag and pulled out a syringe. Her other hand gripped the blanket to reveal a good portion of Jacob's butt. Bella spun around. That sight didn't phase Leah, but Bella was extremely uncomfortable.

"Turn back around. You can barely see anything. I need you to observe." She plunged a needle into his skin and emptied the syringe.

"Aren't you supposed to disinfect his skin with alcohol?"

"Naw, doesn't matter with us. That was easy, right? Do that every two hours until you can spread it out. When he doesn't hurt at all or very little, you can stop. They're all made up for you. I don't think he needs bandaging. Mom says you could wrap his ribs, but he seems alright. She debated on an IV, but it'll be easier if you just get him to drink water. Feed him when he's conscious. I'll see you in day or two."

"Wait a damn minute. You expect me to give him shots and take care of him while he is practically an invalid? Alone! I can't. Call Sue, call the guys. Better yet, you stay and help since you don't miss a beat. I need help. What if he gets worse?"

"He won't if you follow the directions."

"What about the bathroom?"

"He'll need to go. You'll figure it out."

"No."

"Yes."

"Leah, I get it. You think I'm worthless. Fine, I agree with you. I don't need you to make this point with me. I've barely been functioning for weeks. Jacob's blood wears off. I can't be responsible for him."

Bella eyed the bag after Leah dropped it at the end of the bed. She had no idea what was in that syringe, but it was strong. A couple of doses at once would be all she'd need to close her eyes for good.

"To answer your suicidal thoughts. Yes, the bag has at least 20 ways to die. Scissors, needles, morphine, antibiotics which he needs if he gets a temp, rolls of gauze, etc. Hell, you could wrap a plastic bag over your head and it'd be easy, but you won't. All the things Jacob has forbidden in this house are in that bag. Seth and I won't be here to babysit you. It's you and a barely functioning Jake. He took care of you at your worst. Now he needs you to return the favor. You're not going to off yourself or that would make you a terrible POS. Jacob deserves better, don't you think?"

"But."

"Bella, I mean it. Forget yourself for a couple of days and see what happens. You are over the hump, better than yesterday, stronger than the moment we carried him inside. Prove to me you aren't useless. Better yet, prove it to him and while you're at it, prove it to yourself."

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **You have no idea how much I loved writing this chapter. Pain and problems still exist for Bella. There's much more to come, but look at how far she came in a few minutes like Leah reminded her. Let me know how you feel about this. Leah is taking a huge risk. Wonder what Jacob will say about it. Predictions? Comments? Questions? Thanks so much for the support.**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**~A/N Let's talk about things that pull me back to fanfic when I promise you there is no time. I'm writing stacks of original stories now. I'm a wife and mother regardless what one pissy reader said to me long ago in a Sep and Lies review. LOL! And we are rebuilding our damaged home, but I still make time to write J & B. Many months ago I watched the mini series Big, Little Lies (it's amazing) and the haunting intro song reached out and grabbed me. I was not going to start another fanfic, but the song by Michael Kiwanuka "Cold Little Heart" was so Bella, especially when she is self-deprecating. I chewed on the song for a while until the idea for this story fully came to me. So, I did something different with this chapter. Listen to the song if you can, the lyrics are woven in her POV.**_

 ** _Continuing on._**

Chapter 13

Bella chewed her lip. She stopped herself from counting again. It was pointless. She knew exactly what was in the bag since she'd emptied out the contents on the coffee table.

"That's a lot of morphine," she mumbled to herself. Jake might be out of it, but she didn't want him to worry if he woke up briefly. That's why she kept circling the living room and staying out of the bedroom. If he knew what Leah had done to them, he'd do more than worry. What a bitch! She was insane. Either Sam or the wolf had made her crazy. She put them both at risk, so why did the others agree with her?

Bella picked up a sharp shiny object and stared at her own reflection in the blade. Horrible. What the hell? Did she really look this ragged and old? Aging rapidly instead of frozen in time. She should be one of them by now. That was the original plan. Stupid, idiot girl. That was Bella. Edward is dead, turned to ash, rotting in hell if that was eternity. She didn't know what she believed, but Bella was suffering on earth. Jacob was suffering in the bed, drugged out of his head just to hold still. She was grateful for what he did, but barely anything changed in the tiny cabin, her prison. Actually, her mind and body was the prison not the cabin. Anywhere Bella remained was like death row.

.

.

 _"_ Did you ever want it?  
Did you it want bad?  
Ohhh, my  
 _It tears me apart  
Did you ever fight it?  
All of the pain, so much power  
Running through my veins  
Bleeding, I'm bleeding  
My cold little heart  
Oh I, I can't stand myself"_

 _._

 _._

Jacob groaned from the other room. Bella dropped the instrument. Life was measured in failed attempts to die. She was too chicken shit to do it easy. The hard way seemed less terrifying and it hurt worse. Bella wanted to hurt. That felt normal. Healing, forgetting, moving on all felt foreign.

She glanced at the clock. It had only been an hour and a half. Leah said every two hours, but he was restless and his facial expressions highlighted his pain level increased each second without drugs. Jacob's phone was on the nightstand, so she sent out a quick message to Sue. While she waited, Bella snooped. Yikes, she knew she was nuts, but Jacob thought she was certifiable. His phone was full of messages to Billy, Sue, the guys and Leah. So many were about her. He worried all the time now. The ones to Charlie made her the saddest. Those were about her, but not truthful because he was the only one that didn't know. Bella missed her father, but felt it was best for them if they never saw each other again. He was probably halfway convinced she was already dead. There was no sense in dragging him through that reality more than once. Sue responded.

 **Give him the morphine. I was only guessing how fast he burns it off.**

Bella steadied her hand. She never imagined giving someone a shot. She hated needles and blood. He didn't even flinch and she swore she shut her eyes, but the drugs took effect quick. He was still and quiet again.

"For you. I'm doing this for you not for Leah or myself. I know what she thinks this will accomplish. She's wrong. You're wrong, but you're going to get better, Jake. If this is the last thing I ever do, then at least I managed one worthwhile thing before leaving this miserable life."

Bella was going to die soon, but not today. Jacob needed help.

"Forgive me." He didn't need her no matter what he'd convinced himself.

.

.

"And I know  
In my heart, in this cold heart  
I can live or I can die  
I believe if I just try  
You believe in you and I  
In you and I  
In you and I  
In you and I"

.

.

The hours ran together. Jacob was better. Bella was exhausted. She pushed the morphine a few more hours until he woke up enough to ask for a drink. Bella dozed off and on sitting up. She counted the medical supplies again, made a sandwich and started a letter to Jacob. The letter writing was a huge fail. What could she say? How could she stop him from caring? Her eyes were heavy, but his raspy voice caused her to jump.

"Bells, where are you?"

He had to pee. Leah was right. They figured it out. She got him there. Jacob was confused and he asked for Seth. She didn't tell him the truth because there was no point. He was with it enough to stand in the bathroom alone a few seconds. Bella helped him with his shorts, but that was hardly a big deal now. She was the one that dressed him in them after Leah abandoned them hours ago.

He felt warmer than normal, so she made him stand in front of the sink to wash his hands and dabbed a cool cloth all over his face and neck. Bella had no way to measure his temperature. The normal thermometer didn't go that high, so she texted Sue again after getting him to bed again.

Sue said to treat it like a fever. It was part of the healing response, so Bella started the antibiotics, gave him more water to drink and another shot of morphine because the walk to the bathroom increased his pain. By five in the morning, she couldn't take it another second. She collapsed on the bed next to him.

Bella was dreaming. She knew it. Even said out loud, "This is a dream." She knew because she was laughing. Bella and Jacob were sitting on First Beach. They were watching something, but she wasn't sure what it was. They were both shaking with laughter. What could be so amusing? His arm was around her and she didn't pull away. In fact, she snuggled closer to soak in his warmth. Jacob's fingers rubbed her skin and Bella felt safe. _This is nice_. Was this an old memory? Her mind deceived her in her slumber that she could feel so alive and happy again. It wasn't old. That particular moment never happened. It wasn't real, but for those few seconds it was real to her and she liked being with Jacob. She loved him.

.

.

" _Did you ever notice  
I've been ashamed  
All my life  
I've been playing games  
We can try and hide it  
It's all the same  
I've been losing you  
One day at a time  
Bleeding, I'm bleeding  
My cold little heart  
Oh I, I can't stand myself"_

 _._

 _._

"Bells, honey. Are you okay?"

Bella opened her eyes to Jacob's. He was in her face or maybe she was in his face, but they were pressed together and she had no strength to move away despite such an intimate position.

"Are you?"

"Yeah, I think so. I haven't moved yet and the bed's soaking wet, so that's a little gross."

"Oh my God, Jake. Did you pee on us?"

He laughed without grimacing. "No, I'm sweating like crazy. I think I had a fever or something."

Bella felt the dampness now. Her shirt clung to her skin. They were still too close.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not much. I just feel weak, kinda hungry. My mouth is dry. Where's Lee?"

"Gone."

"Oh, is Seth out there?"

"No."

"Who stayed then? Sam?"

"I stayed." That statement had double meaning to Bella.

"Huh? What do you mean, you stayed? Who else is here?"

"Just us." Jacob pushed away from her with the realization.

"Since when?"

"Since they brought you home in the evening."

He jumped off the bed too quickly.

"Jake, stop. You shouldn't make sudden moves like that."

He darted out the room forgetting his body was broken only hours before. Jeez, taking care of him was becoming a full-time job. Bella ran after him.

Fuck. She forgot. He glanced at her coffee table full of possibilities, but passed it up so he could fling open the front door.

"Jake! Calm down." She watched him breathe the morning air deep into his lungs. He smelled the gentle breeze for answers. There hadn't been any answers in a long time. Right or wrong, Leah left them alone. She wasn't bluffing and Jacob was not happy about it. Bella predicted this.

"Don't tell me to calm down. My pack abandoned us. What the fuck happened to Leah and Seth? Was this Sam's doing? I thought he and I made peace at the Cullen's. The guys brought me home, or I was too out of it to remember that right?"

"No, they did. Can you please come back inside so I can explain? I can make us some breakfast."

Jacob kept staring into the distance. Bella saw a tremor run through him. He shouldn't phase yet. It was far too soon. She reached for his arm and gently tugged.

They made it to the sofa and sat together. The contents on the table were his only focus. He wouldn't look at her. "Bells…"

"Sue's medical bag. Leah left it so I could nurse you back to health. Ironic, isn't it? It was all Leah's idea. No one else agreed with her, but I guess she is hard to argue with. She pretty much insisted I got you into this predicament, so it was my obligation to take care of you. I was so furious. It was completely asinine and reckless, but here we are."

"I am beyond furious. She will pay for this."

The realization came to Bella like a bolt of lightning. "She was right. It was my job and only mine. Surprise, we both survived the night."

He picked up a sharp pair of pointy scissors. Bella closed her eyes. She held those damn things at least three times during the night, once close to her neck over her thumping jugular. She'd handled all the items, even opened pill bottles of drugs and smelled the compounds.

"What's the meaning of this all spread out?"

"I wanted to see all the options."

"For me?"

Her eyes dropped to the ground. "No, I knew you needed pain medication. I had my own selfish reasons. This bag was my only companion last night while you rested."

He reached for her hand and she allowed him to hold it for a change. "Bells, honey. Leah was out of line and disobedient. She somehow skirted my direct order to take care of you always. You could have..."

"Yes, I acted out so many scenarios in my head, but you were suffering. I wouldn't leave you like that. I couldn't."

"What about now? I'm practically myself other than some dehydration and weakness. Huh, Bells? Could you leave me now? Despite my physical healing, trust me, I'm still suffering. He's gone. I know that doesn't make what he did go away, but I can't take this anymore. I'm so tired."

His head fell into his hands. She broke him. Jacob cried loudly and it was such a contradiction watching a big strong man like Jake sob like a baby. Bella owed him the truth. "I'm sorry. I can't make you promises. I still think my death would be better for all of us."

He lifted his chin and looked at her. She ached to wipe his tears away, but they'd be replaced with new ones. He was always going to be disappointed with what was left of her.

"I can't believe this has all been for nothing that you still can't wait to die. It's so fucking hard, Bells and believe me, I've experienced misery before, but losing you…" he couldn't finish. Jacob broke down again.

This time she reached for him. Bella held onto both his hand. She had been honest, but she hadn't told him everything. The dream. She remembered the dream and what it revealed to her. "Wait, listen. I think about death and leaving this all behind. So much. Too much. I'm so sorry, but Jacob, there's something else. Please, look at me."

He did.

"Edward destroyed me. I don't know how to forget, so I want to die." She had said that far too many times, "But, today's different."

"How?"

"I dreamed us. That's when I figured out the rest. I've been missing all the signs because I was too damn self-centered. Leah forced me to take care of you, but ultimately, I wanted to. I finally need to say the truth out loud for both of us. When I'm with you, Jake, I don't want to die, I want to live. Help me. I shouldn't be asking anything else of you, but help me, please. Show me how to live again."

.

.

 _"_ _And I know  
In my heart, in this cold heart  
I can live or I can die  
I believe if I just try  
You believe in you and I  
In my heart, in this cold heart  
I can live or I can die  
I believe if I just try  
You believe in you and I  
In you and I  
In you and I  
_In you and I  
In you and I"

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **Comments? Thoughts? Love you all so much. Stay tuned, new book release on Amazon is days away. I will let you know. Also, if there's any chance the reviewer I called pissy because she once stated no way was I a mother the way I wrote Bella still reads my fics, I f*cking love you, man!**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Finally, I'm able to update. Sorry for the wait. Remember when we were tearing the flooded house apart? Now we are putting it back together which is way more effort. I write when I can and this is an important chapter. I found us a new Jacob/Bella song. I've listened 115 times at least writing and editing this one. Please take a listen if you're able to my chapter muse "Issues" by Julia Michaels**_.

 **Chapter 14**

"Cause I got issues  
But you got 'em too  
So give 'em all to me  
And I'll give mine to you"

.

.

They sat at the table, eating in relative silence. Bells cooked a big breakfast. He didn't think he had an appetite, but one taste of her fluffy scrambled eggs proved he did. Jacob missed Bella's cooking. He missed _her_ was more accurate, but he saw a glimpse of her today.

She broke the silence, "Maybe you could provide me with more basic cooking utensils since I've proven I can fight off temptation."

"I'll think about it. What do you need?"

"Well, decent knives for one." Jacob frowned at that request. She was better, but not enough. "I know what you're thinking but seriously, Jake, I chopped chives with a plastic spoon this morning. You can keep them in a lock box if you want and watch over me while I use them. I finally think my appetite might be returning to stay. I can't remember what decent food tastes like."

"This." He tapped his plasticware on the paper plate. "These fancy scrambled eggs taste amazing."

"Thanks, they're just eggs, chives and cheese."

"Bacon's good too. Crispy, just like I like it."

"I can tell. You ate half the package plus four pieces of toast."

He smiled at her and she returned her own partial grin. Bells wanted to live- not all the time. At least with him, she admitted she still wanted to live. It was a start, a tiny victory after a series of setbacks. There were obstacles remaining. He tried his damnedest to push them out of his thoughts. The fucking bloodsucker messed with his head before he destroyed him. Jacob had nightmares about it. Bella probably thought he was in pain every time he yelled out in his sleep, but it wasn't only because of his broken body. In his dreams, he broke her heart and in response, his heart broke as well. That was a stupid nightmare, drug-induced. Jacob was too strong to imprint. He was committed to Bells, so he banished those crazed thoughts. He couldn't be distracted by something that would never happen; she needed his focus.

"Anything else?"

"A whisk, some kitchen shears, um… let me think. What about cooking twine?"

"I don't even know what that is?"

"I was thinking of making a stuffed pork loin and I need the twine to wrap around the meat so it doesn't come apart. Do you think Seth will shop for me?"

"Yeah, if I tell him to, he'll do anything."

"I think you like these new powers a little too much."

"Want me to make him hop on one foot and cluck like a chicken for you?" Bella erupted in real laughter. That settled it. Jacob was ordering Seth to do that. "Stop. You're terrible. Why would you give him shame orders?"

"Because it would be funny as hell. Even you laughed. Admit it, you're dying to see it."

Bells covered her lips with her fingertips. She touched around her mouth like she was unsure if she was actually happy and needed tangible proof. They were going to get through this someday. Together.

Jake's phone dinged ruining their jovial mood. Leah. She texted a smart-ass comment about Bella being a new nurse. He saw some interchanges between them overnight. Bella must have been texting on his phone.

She said she was calling for a detailed update. He swiped to answer when her name popped up. Leah talked without hesitation. "Hey, Nurse Bells. How's the patient? Alive, I guess. Mom said she hasn't heard from you in hours. Can you hear me? I hear you breathing. Bella?"

"Guess again."

"Jacob!"

"Yep, you called my phone, did you not?"

Leah dropped her cocky tone. "Oh, hey there, alpha-boss. I trust you are feeling better."

"Better enough to beat your ass. Get over here now so we can discuss what you did."

"Okay, you have a right to be a tiny bit pissed. I took a risk, but chill. I was right. She had the situation under control. You should be thanking me and who you trying to fool? You'd never hit a woman."

"Maybe, but I might be reconsidering the ethics of it since you aren't just a woman, are you?"

"Fuck it then. I can take it, but you better admit I was right when it's all said and done."

"I admit nothing. Get over here now! That's an order. Oh and bring Seth. I have shit for him to do."

"Jacob, please. You're not going to punish Leah, are you?"

"Of course, I am."

"Well, you did live and I'm a lot better because of what she did."

"Agreed, but she needs some consequences."

"Don't fight her, please. There's been enough of that because of me."

"I won't. I just said that to mess with her. I'm not sure how to deal with her yet. I need to think about it. Since you brought it up, Sam and I made a tentative agreement, a reconciliation of sorts, but I was pretty out of it."

"Good. Are you merging the packs? Will you be alpha?"

"Slow down. I was in excruciating pain. All I remember is I thanked him for saving my ass and dealing with the rest of the Cullens. He said we would always be brothers. And hell no, I'm not alpha. I don't want that large of a pack. I can't handle such a thing right now."

"But it's a possibility one day when I take less of your time because I'm sure that's what you mean by having no time."

"Bells, focus on your healing, nothing else matters."

"They matter to you so they matter to me. What Cullens, Jake? No one told me. What else happened?"

He told her what he could remember. Rosalie helped out the pack, her mate joined in as well. He was loyal to her. The motherly one Bells called Esme remained in shock the whole time. She didn't attack. That much he knew. Sam was going to deal with them. He needed an update from him later.

"Poor Esme. I don't think she would ever condone what Carlisle and Edward conspired to hide from her. I hope the survivors came to a peaceful solution with Sam. Even though I'm grateful to Rose for sticking up for me, I kinda hope they leave. I think that would be best for all of us."

Jacob agreed. He lost count how many time he wished she would send them away before, but it never happened. Today, the words slipped easily from her lips. They were quiet again. Bells started to gather the plates. He stopped her. "I'll do that. You cook. I clean."

"But you're recovering."

He grabbed the stack of dirty dishes out of her hands. "So are you."

* * *

Jacob pushed his anger aside enough to deal with Leah in a rational manner. He wasn't going to give her the satisfaction hearing a thanks… yet. She was right. Bella took care of him and didn't harm herself. She thought about it though and she was honest with him about those feelings. Knowing those thoughts went through her brain all night was enough to withhold that pat on the back Leah desired. He would not ever take chances with Bells. The disobedient she-wolf took a chance. Strange that she and Bella appeared closer now. They were chatting about kitchen and cooking stuff. Seth busied himself writing down the new grocery list.

He kept interrupting their discussion to ask what shit was and where he could find it?

"Maybe you should go, Lee."

"No, you need to branch out, bro. You're going and don't ask Mom for help or I'll deeply embarrass you when you least expect it. Time to pop that tit out of your mouth. You're a wolf not a fucking baby." Leah loved to embarrass Seth. Jacob felt a little sorry for him and was reminded of his delicate age. He would give the kid a break and drive him to the store at least.

He remembered his plan to make Bells laugh. Jacob stood behind Seth and flapped his arms. He nodded for permission about the chicken thing. Bella covered her mouth to giggle, but she shook her head. Seth was rattled enough about the grocery store, especially when Leah added Tampax to the long list. Jacob decided to save the shame command for later. Bells kept smiling and his determination to help her stay that way increased. They had a long road to recovery ahead, but for the first time in over a month, he thought hope wasn't in vain.

Days passed. Jacob and Bella were in a new routine. Things were better. Her good moments weren't always the best, but he reminded himself they ceased to exist when she first came back to him. Cooking helped. The easiest times were talking over a meal prepared by her. He surprised her one morning after pancakes for breakfast by knocking off some boards that had been covering the windows.

"Thanks, I forgot what the sun looks like. This is nice."

"The weather's nice this week. It's supposed to rain all weekend. We could sit outside on the porch or take a walk. Sunlight is good for you and we need to take advantage of the nice days."

"I don't know, Jake. Someone might see."

"Honey, you were out of it when we moved here. This place is pretty remote. Who will see? Leah and the guys are the only ones that come around and they stay away when I tell them to."

"Okay, I was going to make a hot cocoa. Would you like one? We could drink them on the porch, but I don't think I'm ready for a walk yet."

Jacob told her that sounded nice. He had been taking one day at a time with her and if she was willing to try something different that was enough for him. She crafted a supreme hot cocoa topped off with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.

They sat on the steps, but not too close. Bella struggled with contact, even the slightest touch made her recoil. Jacob hated that fact. It was one of the worst challenges for him. They used to be so comfortable with affection.

She sipped from her mug. "You're right. It's nice. I figured it'd be colder by now."

"Yeah, wonder if we'll have a mild winter?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she kept her drink close to her lips. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. He chuckled.

"What? Why are you laughing at me?"

"Um, you have a little…" he almost reached over but stopped himself. He pointed instead. "There. Your enthusiastic slurping left whipped cream on the tip of your nose."

"Oh," her cheeks reddened and she whisked the sweet cream off her skin. He wanted to do it for her but not yet. She wasn't ready. He loved her so fucking much. That would never change. Now that they had some normalcy he realized he loved her even more than before. Bells said she was damaged and irreparable, but Jacob loved her more than he thought was humanly possible. His true feelings meant more than any make-believe imprint.

"Bells, can I ask some tough questions?"

"I guess so."

"What scares you the most about living?"

"Whoa, tougher than I imagined. Um, lots of things."

"Like?"

"The unknown."

"What do you mean by that?"

"The future."

"All of us have an unknown future, Bells."

"Yes, but will I always feel the way I do? I sure hope not, but who knows. I can't cope with always being like I am."

"Okay, I understand your fears, but pretty sure you're changing. Even when you don't see it, I see you. I always see the real you. Anything else?"

"Yes, people. I'm really afraid about being around people again. Maybe they'll take one look at me and know. Can you imagine always being pitied?"

"No, but you're extra self-conscious right now. That won't happen. Anyway, maybe I can help with introducing people back into your life."

"How?"

"Start with who you love the most. Let me contact Charlie."

Bella clasped her hands tightly around her mug in her lap. Jacob witnessed the tension fill her body. She loved her father, there was no doubt about that, but Bella had built up this wall about any sort of conversation regarding Charlie. Jacob didn't know if it was shame, apprehension, or general misgivings. She married Cullen. Charlie didn't want her to and he was vocal about it, but Bella assured him she was making the right decision. They knew all too well how wrong her decision had been and she still blamed herself for what happened. Jacob hated he couldn't stop her from doing that. Only one individual was to blame for her attack, and she needed to admit that to herself before complete healing took place.

After a long pause, she admitted, "I can't."

"He's your father and he's grieving. Do you think that's fair?"

"No, none of this is fair! Knowing the real truth will hardly curb his grieving." Her irritation increased with each pressing question from Jacob.

"Settle down, Bells. We're talking. I'm asking tough questions which you allowed. I'm suggesting Charlie is a good place to start if you want to test being around people again. You can't hide from him forever. I'm giving you space and time, but I'm not that cruel. Eventually, Charlie will know his only child is alive because if you don't tell him, I will."

Her finger went up close to his face and for a second, Jake thought she was going to poke his eyes out. "First off, don't tell me to settle down. Second, I know I can't hide from him permanently. But if I decide… well, you know I'm not sure if…"

"Stop. You already said you want to live and you asked for my help. I'm helping. There are no other decisions about your life continuing, so take the self-harm and suicide off the table. I won't let you throw that in my face because you're panicking."

"You've got a lot nerve saying shit like that to me. I don't take orders from you so stop the power trip. It doesn't work on me. Don't you pay attention to how I look and act? Do you think I'm ready to face him yet?"

"Yes. I most certainly think you're ready. I believe it will help. How about my father for a trial run? He's seen you when you were way worse. Rachel has been asking if we would like to come over for dinner. We could try dinner at home and you'd be around people. I can kick Paul out if he's too much for your first try."

"Rachel asked me to dinner?" She sounded surprised. "She hates me."

"Bells, I don't tell you everything so I don't overwhelm you, but Rachel has apologized several times to me. She was wrong and asked how she can help us. Remember, all she saw for a month was me after you left. Emotions were all over the place the night I fled with you. It's one simple dinner. We'll go over to Dad's an hour tops. Then maybe a few days later, we call Charlie?"

"I don't know. I'm not ready."

"Fine." His fine was said in a way Bells would know her answer wasn't fine, but Jacob could only press her so much at a time. "I need a run. Seth will come stay with you."

"How long will you be gone?"

"A while."

"You've been taking longer runs."

"Yeah, the wolf needs them."

"Because of me?"

Jacob stood up, drank the last of his cooled drink and handed her the mug. "Thanks for the hot chocolate. I'll see you later."

* * *

Jacob stayed away longer than ever. They made progress, but there were still lots of issues. He was surprised to find Seth and Bells playing Chess at the table when he came back home. _Home_. Was this really his and Bella's home? It kinda felt like it even at the worst of times.

Seth groaning about his losses to Bells wasn't the first thing Jacob noticed. The air outside had an inviting aroma he smelled a mile away. She cooked again. Jacob's mouth watered. "What's in the oven?"

"That's a surprise. Well, I guess not anymore since I promised Seth a plate to take home."

Jacob eyed Seth. He wondered what those two did all day. It was the first time Jacob didn't come back until dark. He shouldn't have walked out on her like that, but she was frustrating the hell out of him on a regular basis. Bella stood up from the table and opened the oven. Meat. Jacob smelled it clearly now. She made a pot roast.

"I can get that."

"No, it's fine. I'm pretty stoked I can lift something with my measly muscles. Seth supervised when I put it the oven."

"Be careful, Bells. Don't burn yourself."

"She held up her gloved hands. I won't."

"So, who's winning?"

"Bella. I think she cheats, Jake."

"I do not cheat. You're just really bad at Chess." She giggled as she pulled the big roasting pan out of the oven.

Maybe leaving her today was a good thing. He missed her, but it gave him an opportunity to cool off so he didn't say the wrong things. Seth made Bella happy. She was totally different after spending the day with him.

Bella hurried to fix Seth a to-go bag. She went all out with the meal tonight. She cooked carrots, potatoes and green beans along with the roast. There was even a fresh loaf of bread. Jacob came in behind her. "Not too much, 'kay. I'm hungrier and bigger than Seth." She swatted him away with her big oven mitts.

"There's plenty. Seth worked up an appetite with his mental straining." Bella turned around and handed the bag to Seth. "Thanks for keeping me company. Don't forget Monday to ask about what we discussed."

"Sure, Bella. I'll get everything together."

Jacob was lost. He didn't know what they were talking about. "Get what together?"

Bella covered her lips with the universal secret sign. "Don't. He'll find out when it's a done deal."

"Find out what? I hate secrets. Seth, I…" Jacob was about to order him to spill, but Bella shoved him hard from the side. She touched him and he forgot all about the order. Seth split before Jake could regroup. Jacob couldn't stop thinking about both her hands wrapped around his rib cage. It was a few seconds, but he liked it.

"You're in big trouble, mister."

"What'd I do?"

"You're were about to order that poor kid to tell my secret."

"I told you I don't like secrets. Just tell me, I'm sure it isn't a big deal."

"Wrong. It _is_ a big deal and it's about you. I'm not ready for you to know."

"About me? No way then. I'm calling Seth back right fucking now. No one keeps secrets about me." Jacob went to the front door and Bella kicked open the cabinet door. He watched her curiously to figure out what was she was up to.

"Stop. You might want to rethink that if you're hungry."

She lifted the roast and tilted the pan slightly toward the trash can. "Hold on, Bells. You wouldn't dare."

"Try me. Shut the door, leave Seth alone and don't ask about the secret or this goes in the garbage. In fact, if you don't drop it, I'm not cooking for you ever again."

"Forever is long time, Bells."

"So I've heard." Bella hadn't lowered the dish. Jacob slammed the door and started for the table. She halted him again. "I don't think so. You're filthy. Shower first then dinner. Maybe I have one tiny surprise I'll give you later if you're a good boy."

Jacob held his lips tight together. He didn't want to go overboard, but her words excited him a little too much. He needed that shower more than ever.

* * *

Bells was wrapped up in a blanket and still shivering. They were on opposite ends of the couch. His belly was so full he could barely move. Bella made him stop before going for thirds so she could make him a special sandwich the next day. She surprised him with his box of DVDs from home. Leah had dropped them off one afternoon. He couldn't remember the last time they had a movie night, probably pre-Italy. They tried to start a few during the months the red-head toyed with them, but Bells always 'had to go' early because the tick would call.

She insisted it was his choice even though she knew what he'd pick. War movies were Jake's favorite, but they were not Bella's.

Storming the beaches at Normandy was in full special-effects action, so her hands covered her eyes. "If you're going to hide your eyes the entire time, I can put on something different."

"No, it's only this part. There's a lot of limbs lost and brutal shots."

"Well, it's depicting war, honey. The whole movie is brutal." He rethought picking _Saving_ _Private_ _Ryan_. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it at least a dozen times. Bella attempted watching it once, but she fell asleep halfway through. He remembers that night well. She fell asleep on him and Charlie let her stay the night. Bells got the bed and Jacob took the floor. It was one of the best nights of his life even though the floor sucked and he hadn't slept a wink. She was safe and sound close to him. Just hearing her breathing all night was enough for him.

"Could you grab me one more blanket?"

"Yeah, but I can make a fire."

"No, it's not that cold and that's too much trouble. I can't help getting chilled when the sun goes down."

"You could scooch over a little. We never used to watch movies so far apart. My internal heater might help."

"Jake…"

"What, Bells? It's not a big deal. I'll keep my hands to myself. I always do." Jacob had to change the way he previously acted around her. He used to touch her on purpose just to hear her heart race. He made her nervous. She was excited when he used to touch her, but he had to accept touch didn't mean the same thing to her anymore. It was tough because they both knew he was nothing like _him._ Jacob would never hurt her with his touch, but in Bella's mind all contact was potentially bad.

"Can we start somewhere? Just like sunlight, human contact can be healing. Only what you feel comfortable with, I swear."

"It's so hard. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's okay. I'll go get the blanket."

"No, wait. Not yet. I need to try. I could at least sit in the middle."

"Sure, sure, Bells. I'd like that."

* * *

Halfway through the film, Bella had moved over enough they were almost touching. He wasn't sure how she could get that close and not actually touch him. He could barely slip a sheet of paper between them, but she still didn't let it happen completely. It was a start and he was definitely happy with their progress. She was sticking with the movie this time too. Jacob enjoyed sharing something he loved with her although she cried even when it didn't seem like a part worthy of tears.

Bella surprised him when she hit pause during a crucial scene. He thought she finally accepted the blood and gore and wanted to know how it ended.

"Hey, it's getting good. Why'd you stop it?"

"It's because he's touched me everywhere. I mean, there's more to it, but I can't imagine your gentle hands touching me in the same spots he hurt me. It's not fair and my mind knows you will never hurt me, but I can't forget, not yet."

"I know. It's okay, but whenever you feel ready, tell me. I miss us. I will never push you, but we used to hold hands and hug a lot, so it's weird how much has changed. I wish it was still okay to do those things. I'm a touchy-feely guy, more so after the wolf. I swear I'll never hurt you, Bells, but the truth is sometimes it's a painful ache not to hold you like I want or tickle you when we're teasing or squeeze your hand after you cook me an awesome dinner. I wish it was okay to move that curl out of your eye or wipe whipped cream off your nose. I get it though. You need more time."

"What if there's never enough time and I'm always like this?"

"You won't be."

"You don't know that. I'm sure you have… um, urges." She hid her face from him. Jacob was still a teenage male and had plenty of urges. She had no idea, but he was strong enough to put her needs ahead of his own. "Your life shouldn't be on hold waiting for me. This is one the guilts that eats me up inside."

"Do you want me to go out on some dates with other women? Would that relieve your guilt if you knew I'm satisfying my urges?"

He studied her expression, but Jacob was baffled. He couldn't tell if his question shocked her or pissed her off. She spouted off that fair bullshit too much. Their lives weren't fair at the moment. They hadn't been for a long while. He wanted to know if him moving on would actually help her because he thought he knew the answer. She needed to draw the same conclusion.

Her arms folded over her chest and she heaved out a reply, "If that's what you need to do then by all means, go for it. I think I'm going to bed. Have a nice time."

He laughed at her. Oh, shit, this was too good to be true. Bells was jealous. She was so jealous, she was seething.

"Now! You think I'm going to go out and find female company right now because I can't hold your hand while we watch a movie?"

"I'm not standing in your way. I want you to live your life, Jacob. That's what I've always wanted."

"I'm not leaving here. It was a hypothetical question."

"No, I think it must be on your mind. Now I know better about Leah that she is definitely not your type. Who is she? Forget it, not my business."

"Huh?"

"I feel like you have someone special in mind. Maybe you saw her today when you were gone eight damn hours."

"I'm not fucking seeing anyone. I barely even know any other girls' names anymore. My life revolves around you and before you start the whole guilt complex thing about that again, it's a fact because that is the way I want it. I want my life to revolve around you, Bella Swan. I chose to be like this a long time ago, before I knew the truth, before I wolfed out, before all this shit went down. I just want to be with you and you're practically green you're so jealous, so I think it's safe to say you want to be with me too."

"I am not jealous and I'm not sure what I want anymore."

"Liar."

"I'm so fucked up, Jacob."

"Yep, I must be too because this is still the only place on earth I want to be."

She pushed the blanket off and rolled up her sleeves. "You shouldn't want this. Look at me. I appreciate your dedication, but these scars are still here. They're never going away. Why would you want to touch them? I sure as hell don't."

She'd done these dramatics before. Jacob hated the story behind the scars, but when he looked at Bells, he saw past them. He truly did. She couldn't, but Jacob swore he could, and now she needed to believe him.

He reached for her hand. She pulled back a little, so Jacob relaxed his grip. He touched her with the softest brush of his fingertips. His fingers trailed up the length of her left arm causing her skin to erupt in goosebumps and her breath to quicken.

"Trust me, Bells. Close your eyes and feel how much I care about you. His fingers traced a few of the marks and she didn't pull away so Jacob continued. He wasn't going to do too much but just enough. He closed his eyes too. They were sitting on the couch in the glow of the TV, and Jacob reminded her she never had to fear him.

He stopped in the bend of her arm because something was different. Jacob opened his eyes and pulled her arm closer.

Bella snapped out of the calm state he put her in. "No, stop. That's enough."

Jacob immediately released her. "Okay, but look."

Bella looked down to where he pointed. "Is the other arm like that?"

"Like what?"

"Take a closer look." Bella and Jacob studied both her arms. He was right. Something was different.

Bella covered her mouth. "Oh my God, that's where I got the transfusions."

"I know."

"The scars are disappearing. How?"

"I don't know, but it's clear as day. Look, they're gone. The exact spots where the needles went in to fill her veins with Jacob's blood were regular skin, Bella's milky white skin unmarred by bites. The area had previously been full bites. They could see the other half of the scar, but one side healed completely on both arms.

She started crying and shaking. "What does it mean? What's happening? Can you heal all of them?"

"Calm down, I don't know, but I can try." Jacob needed to talk to his father, maybe Sue. He silently wondered if Old Quil knew anything about something like this. He claimed to be a healer in his younger days. Quil always teased him about it. They thought he was talking out his ass when he drank moonshine and got all mystical.

She was on the verge of hyperventilating so he had to talk her down. "Slow down, honey, take a breath through your nose and blow it slowly out of your mouth. Breathe with me." Jacob and Bella took a few breaths together. His blood healed the bite mark. Jacob kept saying it in his mind. It wasn't enough to just flow through her veins. His blood had to connect with her open flesh. She had a lot of large scars and that worried him. One tiny needle hole wasn't traumatic, but what potentially needed to happen could be too much for her. There were too many uncertainties. If he could heal more of her scars, it would be a huge deal for Bella.

"You think it's a fluke?"

"No, but I don't know for sure. It's late. We'll see what we can find out tomorrow."

"Jacob, what if your blood is the key? I want these hideous reminders gone. Please, promise me you'll do whatever it takes, even if there are risks."

"Bells, I will do what I can, but I will never take a risk with your health or life."

"No, promise me. These have to go. If you can heal me, then promise."

"Fine, I promise. Honey, I will do whatever I can to heal you. You have my word." She thought he meant the visible scars, but Jacob meant all of her. He'd heal her from the outside in if it was possible and he didn't want to brag, but he swore he was already doing it.

.

.

"Yeah, I got issues  
And one of them is how bad I need you"

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 ** _I don't want to brag either, but I love this chapter. LOL! Okay, there might be questions. Can Jacob heal these scars? What about Charlie? Bella has a secret with Seth... hmmmm. I wonder if Jacob and Bella will ever touch in this story. Ask away, dear readers._**


	15. Chapter 15

_**Who loves feels? Raises hands and writes like crazy.**_

Chapter 15

 **Bella**

She breathed in the new day briefly before deciding to continue her quest. His skin was so warm. Bella touched a new spot. She was less tentative than when she first started. The sunlight alerted her she lived another day about thirty minutes ago. Now that Jacob trusted her more, he usually slept a little later than Bella until she woke him with breakfast cooking. Today, she stayed under the covers with him.

One thing came to her during the night. Bella wasn't ready for what Jacob proposed about hugs and hand holding, but maybe if she initiated touch, she could start having more contact. _I touch you, but you don't touch me._

She needed to maintain the control. At first it seemed impossible to try when she was awake, but now her palm rested against his chest and there was no fear. It was pure contentment feeling his strong beating heart against her skin. He hadn't moved which was good. She wasn't ready to share this experiment with him yet.

Bella's hand started to move in a circular pattern. The base of her hand accidentally grazed a nipple. She gasped when Jacob spoke loud and clear. "Alright. That's enough for today."

She covered her face with both hands. "You were awake? Why'd you let me do that?"

"First, wolf in the bed, remember? I have super senses and you've been tiptoeing your fingertips all over me about twenty minutes. How did you think I wouldn't notice? Second, I thought you needed to test yourself and wouldn't be able to do it if I was watching you. And third, I liked it a little too much to put a stop to it if I'm being completely honest."

He liked it? That petrified Bella. She wasn't trying to arouse him. That was the furthest thing going on in her dormant mind.

"Bells, uncover your face and look at me."

"I can't. You must think I'm a terrible person, a tease."

"No, not at all. You're a brave person that pushing herself to live each new moment, one baby step at a time."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. I said it's fine."

"I touched your nipple."

He shook the bed with his laughter. Bella didn't think this morning could be anymore embarrassing, but then Jacob asked her to turn the other way so he could head toward the bathroom for a shower.

She did without question, but as she was staring at the opposite wall and heard the bathroom door click, the truth came to her. She aroused him. He was a teenage boy and woke up to a deranged woman rubbing his nipples. Poor Jacob. Poor Bella. Maybe she should start sleeping on the couch. This was too much to put him through.

Bella got out of bed and closed the bedroom door so there would be two barriers between her and Jacob. She quickly changed into day clothes before leaving their room. She skipped past the bathroom like she was afraid she might hear something over the shower spray even though she never had. Now that she thought about it, Jacob was an extra clean person. He took a lot of long showers lately.

The couch got in her way and Bella almost tripped. It had always been in the same spot, but this morning she almost forgot where it was. The lonely couch. There was no way she could sleep out there alone. It wasn't big enough for Jacob so asking him wasn't an option either. Their sleeping arrangements had to stay the same. She would be better. Bella needed to stop leading him on in the bedroom even though it had always been unintentional.

"There's a lot of fruit here today."

"Yeah, we've been having too many heavy breakfasts. I thought yogurt, fruit and granola was a good switch. I need Seth to shop for me again."

"Or we could go together."

"Jake, you know I can't do that."

"Why not? First, we stop off to see Charlie and then it won't matter who might see you in Forks."

"I can't have this conversation with you right now. Plain or honey yogurt?"

"Neither. I don't eat that shit. No offense. I'll take a banana and some toast with peanut butter."

"I never knew you didn't like yogurt. I thought you'd eat anything."

"It's nasty. I bet there's a few things you don't know about me, but I doubt you can say the same. I know all about you, Bells."

* * *

Bella was anxious to see Old Quil. Billy was arranging it, but he wanted to see for himself. It seems like Jacob was getting his wish. She agreed to have dinner with his family. That was a huge deal for her and she wasn't exactly looking forward to it, but Jacob was overjoyed when she agreed.

He always told her the truth. Dinner was quick. They barely stayed over an hour. Everyone was polite, even Paul which only made Bella feel more out of place and self-conscious than ever. Paul was never polite before. Why should he be different now? She was the leech lover, barely got more than a snarl from him, but at dinner, he held a chair for her like he was some type of wannabe maître d'. At least Billy was the same. He was a constant in her life much like his son, but he had to bring up Charlie. She knew he meant well. They all meant well. They were right. Bella was wrong. Her Dad needed to know, but she was still so afraid, and she didn't even have a true excuse. She just was. Rachel wasn't a bad cook either. Jacob said she was working on it because the kitchen had never been her domain growing up, but she figured it was a must with a boyfriend like Paul and a brother like Jacob.

Bella didn't even have to say she was ready to go. Jacob knew. He made the excuse, and everyone seemed to understand. Billy briefly examined her disappearing scars. He nodded and promised her Old Quil would have some answers and everything would work out. When he said things in his soothing voice, she almost believed him.

They all knew it was her first real outing and didn't push, but Bella was extra sensitive about every look or pause in conversation. Rachel said she wanted to stop by the cabin soon if that was alright, so Bella smiled and said that would be fine, but she was already nervous about the meeting. She hoped Rachel didn't want to get her alone and try to get to know her better. She wouldn't like what she found out and Jacob wanted them to get along. It was so obvious how happy it made him for her to be with his family. He longed for her to be normal even if he didn't say it.

"That was nice, huh? Rachel's marinara needed something, but it was edible. She's getting better."

"You ate two platefuls, so it might have been better than edible."

"Oh yeah, I guess I did. I wasn't paying attention. I was too worried Paul would do something stupid."

"But he was a perfect gentleman."

"Yeah, I guess he was. I'll have to thank him later."

"Don't bother. I like him better as an asshole."

"What? Jeez, Bells. Why are you so snippy right now? I thought we had a nice time. You seemed to enjoy yourself."

"I barely talked."

"You're a quiet person. Everyone knows that, but you and Rach chatted."

"No, she talked, I mumbled ten words at best and it's sugar. Her sauce is too acidic, but I'd never tell her that because she will probably think I'm a bitch again. Face it, I'm a freak. That's how they view me. Paul can't even be himself because I'm so fucked up. Do you know how that feels? I know people will always see me as a tragedy."

"No, they won't. Sometimes, you're impossible. I don't even know what to say. What should I do? Is it better if I tell Paul rude and crude is preferred, or ask Rachel to stop making small talk?"

"No, don't do anything. Just leave it. You're right. It was a pleasant evening. I'm tired and possibly insane, so you really need to stop worrying about all this. No one voted you to be my mouthpiece. Maybe one day, I'll come around and be able to carry on normal conversations and there won't be a large blinking sign hanging over me that says, **Rape** **Victim**. Tonight was an experiment, but I'm definitely not ready for Dad, so thanks for showing me that."

Jacob gripped his steering wheel tighter and clinched his jaw because he knew better than to say another word. He was mad or frustrated. She recognized the emotions since she caused them regularly. Bella wanted to apologize, but she crossed her arms over her chest and tried to generate some heat. They'd been driving five minutes and the Rabbit was still ice cold.

He glanced out the corner of his eye. "The heater has been acting up. Sorry, I haven't had a chance take a look at it. It should warm up in a bit."

They'd be home in a bit, but she kept her snide remarks to herself. It seems she made enough of those for the night. Bella leaned toward him to test if his side might be slightly warmer. It must be since he was so much warmer than her. He released the steering wheel with his right hand and sat it close to the middle of the car. She looked down at his hand and then at the heater that was failing her miserably. Was his hand there as an invitation? Bella thought about touching him again. Maybe she was addicted to Jacob. That would be awful. That is how it had been with Edward. She was sure of that now. Something was so wrong with her. Bella loved to read stories with strong female heroines, but she couldn't muster the slightest bit of strength within herself not to rely on a man for her self-worth.

That self-worth had been non-existent for a long time, but she found purpose in the cabin. It usually revolved around taking care of Jacob and seeing him happy. It couldn't be all bad to want to make another human being happy. Bella stopped questioning herself and she grabbed the damn hand. She didn't just cover his warm flesh with her cold hand, she pulled his entire arm, so she could wrap herself around it. Warmth filled one side of her. So what. Bella was weak. Jacob was strong. He held back with her all the time to protect her and she rewarded him with pouting, dark thoughts and shameful teasing. She brought his fingers to her nose so she could breathe in his masculine scent. She was addicted. It was already too late. Bella used Jacob to stay alive. He allowed it. They shared a brief look before he parked the car in front of the cabin.

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. Neither is this." Bella feverishly rubbed his skin some more. Now that she graduated to touching him, she only wanted more, but still didn't want him to touch her back. That's selfish. _So very Bella_. "Just tell me to stop. I know it's confusing you, but I'm not ready for… well, for anything. Jacob, I'm not ready."

"Bells, I know. I said, it's okay. And please don't stop. I want you to do whatever you need to get better." _So very Jacob._

* * *

Bella complained at lunch the following day. "I can't believe we have to wait another day to see Quil's grandfather."

"I know. He has a doctor's appointment. Sue said it was a huge ordeal to get him into this checkup. He normally 'cures' all his own ailments. This was the only time her doctor friend could squeeze him in. I promise tomorrow he said he'd devote the entire day to us."

"Okay, I guess it's for the best. Seth will be here soon with the big surprise." Jacob growled. Bella snapped her fingers to stop that. She giggled. "I'll get you trained if it's the last thing I ever do. Do not growl about my good deeds."

He yipped to further the charade he was her actual puppy. Nonsense. They were being stupid, and Bella loved it.

"Seth better hope I don't hate this surprise or he might live to regret keeping your secrets."

"You won't hate it."

"How do you know? You didn't even know I hate yogurt."

True. She didn't, but Bella was certain one day, Jacob would thank her for what she'd done. His entire future depended on it.

Seth arrived right on time after school Monday afternoon. Bella saw him coming from the kitchen window. His arms were loaded down, and she jumped from the excitement. The moment had arrived.

Jacob switched off the TV. He sensed Seth's approach before she said anything. Bella rushed to the door. "One thing. Before I open this door, promise me you'll do it."

"Do what? I don't even know what's going on."

"Just promise, Jake. Billy is behind this. So are Leah and Seth. This might be my only good deed in life so promise."

"For fuck's sake, Bells. I highly doubt that, but whatever, yes, I promise if you promise to keep trying then I'll promise to do this mystery task."

"Okay," she reached forward to curl her pinky finger around his briefly. "I promise."

Jacob opened the door for an exhausted Seth. "Finally, I'm strong but this must be hundred and fifty pounds of books. Leah has the computer. She's on the way."

Bella didn't care that she was the only one clapping and jumping for joy. Seth had all the textbooks and Jacob hadn't caught a clue.

"On the coffee table. Sorry, Seth."

"What the hell is this? You bringing your homework over because Bells doesn't have time to be your free tutor."

She rolled her eyes at him. Bella had plenty of time if Seth needed school help. All she did was cook for Jacob and hang out with him. Was he that worried about losing a tiny bit of her attention?

"No way, man. These are junior and senior year. These aren't mine."

"Whose are they?"

Bella nudged him with her fist. "Who do you think? Who needs to finish junior and senior year to earn a diploma?"

Jacob looked between Bella and Seth and then at Leah who was coming in with a laptop box. His head was shaking, but he wasn't answering her.

"Jacob Black. Welcome to your new school. I'll be damned if you are forever a high school dropout because of me. You're doing this. You have to. Billy already signed the papers. You're enrolled in this online homeschool program. You are very welcome. I couldn't have done it without Seth. He got all the information from the guidance counselor. This is fully accredited too, so no worries about getting into college. It's the real deal. All you have do is the actual work. Everything is done online. A certified teacher will grade your assignments and give you exams. The greatest part is you can work at your own pace, so you can finish early. It doesn't have to be two long years unless you want it be."

"Bells, I never thought I'd ever have to say this, but stop talking. You shouldn't have done this without asking me. I would've said no. You've all wasted your time. I quit school. That ship has sailed. I don't have time for this."

Leah spoke next, "I knew it. What'd I tell you, Chica? He's a stubborn ass."

"So, I have to pick all these books again?"

"Yeah, man. Get them out of here."

"No, Seth. The books stay. I already paid for them."

Jacob looked at her curiously, "What? How?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Well, I am because you came back to me in a nightgown. You don't have access to money. Who bought all this?"

"I said I paid for the curriculum."

"Bells, where the fuck did you get money? Is this leech money? I sure as hell don't want this shit now." That pissed Bella off.

"Calm down, alpha. It's her money. I broke some laws to help her, so the least you could do is tell us all thanks instead of acting like this asshole no one likes."

"Someone better start making actual sense. How expensive was this?"

"That's rude. I give you a gift and first thing you ask is how did I pay for it and how much is it? I had a bank account, remember. I worked and made regular deposits. I never even took my wallet when I left home. Leah had to slip into my old room and find it. She used my bank card so there's the how. I refuse to tell you how much though. It's not your business. I covered it because you've given more than I can ever pay back. There's no monetary value attached to being someone's lifesaver. You saved me, Jacob, and you suffered consequences. One day, there probably won't be a wolf pack. I don't know, but I know you. You like to stay busy. You'll want to work. A high school diploma is important even if you decide not to go to college. You're smart and I can't bear to see you miss this opportunity. Please try. I'll help."

She was a huge ninny. Thick tears floated down her cheeks as the last words were said. Leah said it wouldn't go over well, but she thought Jacob might find a little bit of excitement from the new prospect.

"Seth, Lee, please leave us. Thanks for helping Bells. I appreciate it."

* * *

The door closed behind them. Bella's crying continued.

"Could you please stop that?"

"No, I can't. They won't stop. I thought I was doing a good thing."

"Give them to me."

"Huh, what?"

"Your tears, Bells." He motioned for her hand. "Touch them."

She looked at him through weighted lashes. It took a few blinks to see him clearly standing before her. She understood, but didn't know how it would help. Bella wiped several tears from her face. Jacob leaned in, so she could easily reach him. She dragged damp fingertips down his face.

"More. Give me more. I'll take them all."

Emotion overwhelmed her. More tears escaped without thought. Steady streams of endless tears flowed from Bella's eyes. She wiped them away as fast as they came, and every bit of moisture was then streaked on Jacob's cheeks where they evaporated. He took them. Bella cried until her eyes dried up and Jacob absorbed every last tear.

When she stopped, Bella paused to catch her breath. He pressed his forehead against hers and whispered to her. "I live for you, only you. You're amazing, Bells. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me, for confiding in me, for giving me this gift. I love you."

She pulled back to see him. "I thought you hated the books."

"No, it's not that. I was afraid when I first saw them. What if I can't do it? What if I fail you? It's been so long since I tried in school. I can't ever disappoint you."

"You won't. You don't. I'll help. You can do this. I know you can. I believe in you."

"Then I guess neither of us can fail. We believe in each other."

"Yes, but I worry still."

"About what?"

"We're too dependent on each other, Jake. Doesn't it scare you?"

"No, it makes me feel braver than my alpha wolf does."

He confirmed it. They were addicted. Bella didn't know if it was wrong, but it was necessary. She wouldn't exist without Jacob and he swore the same about her. She found his hand and brought it to her lips which managed a tender kiss to his knuckle. "I love you, too."

Bella thought Edward stole love from her. She didn't think she could love after evil practically consumed her, but Jacob just showed her another side of himself. He took her vulnerability and exposed his. She never expected to hear he was afraid of finishing high school. She needed to stop worrying about her dependency on him because true addiction took from the individual and everything she was sharing with Jacob lately was adding to Bella. If he didn't stop what he was doing, one day she swore she'd be a whole soul again. Or maybe each piece of them would make her whole which meant she'd share her soul with his. Either way, she was thankful for the moment they just shared. It changed everything.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **You guys. I relish the moments I get to write this. It's so cathartic. How is reading it?**_

 _ **In other news, TC Rybicki's latest, Destiny's Turn, is specially priced for one more day if you haven't checked it out on Amazon. 1.99 or free for Kindle Unlimited readers.**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Long time no see or write. The end of my 2017 was rough. That's my only excuse, but here's more of Bella's POV.**_

Chapter 16

Bella

Jacob worried for nothing. He didn't miss a beat. Bella was shocked how quickly he got back into his studies. Once they set up the laptop and organized his student account, he was off and running. He breezed through several Algebra II lessons. Then told Bella to take a break from cooking that sandwiches were fine. He wanted to eat and work without stopping.

"Not one sandwich, I assume?"

"Since when have you watched me eat one?" He cocked one eyebrow at her; it was a look that always produced a smile on her lips. "No, I always need a few. Brain food, Bells."

Bella laughed and told him one sandwich tray coming up.

She busied herself in the kitchen while Jacob continued his work at the table. Occasionally, she'd pat his back and tell him how great he was doing. They weren't expecting Seth or Leah back, but as soon as Bella sat down with her grilled cheese, there was a knock at the door.

"Leah knocking? That's odd."

Jacob said with a mouthful, "Not Leah, it's Rach."

"What? Oh, my goodness. What do I do?"

"For starters, answer the door."

"You knew she was coming and didn't tell me? I could have straightened up."

"No, I didn't, but she made a general statement about coming sometime and you said that would be fine. Forget straightening up. You keep things way tidier than her."

Bella straightened her clothes and combed through her hair. She didn't know why she was so nervous. The family dinner hadn't been bad. She actually made it worse than it was. One more deep breath was all she needed and then Bella opened the door. "Rachel, what a nice surprise."

"Hey, guys. Sorry. I texted but Jake didn't respond. I didn't mean to barge in."

"It's fine. We were just eating, but Jacob's buried in his studies."

"Wow, so I heard. That's a big deal, bro."

"Not that big of a deal; it's Bella's idea, but I'm kinda liking the challenge."

"Good for you. Keep it up. Maybe a few of the other guys will follow your lead."

"I'm not their leader, so that's entirely up to them. Sam never seemed to care if any of us quit."

"Yikes, still in denial, I see. Even though you're not their official leader, it might be nice to mention the option to Quil and Embry. I'm glad Paul at least got his GED. I notice Seth is sticking to his schooling."

"Seth is not about to quit school. None of the others are my concern. They're big boys and can make their own choices. Why are you here again?"

Bella gave him one of her own looks, a disapproving one he knew well. He could be so rude sometimes. This was not the old Jake. She wasn't sure if the wolf caused his short fuse or his experiences with her made him easily irritable. Something was going on with him. Certain mentions of the pack triggered his anger. She wished he'd open about it because that's what he always encouraged her to do with her issues and it was helping.

"Please, excuse him. He's only had one sandwich and he has done one too many equations this past hour."

"Forget him. I'm here for you. Remember what you said about not regaining all your physical strength and endurance?"

"Yeah, Jacob keeps asking me to take a walk. I want to be able to keep up not tire out, so he has to carry me back."

Jake was focused on his screen, but added he would be happy to carry her anywhere.

Bella did a little light cleaning and cooked meals, but Rachel was right, she didn't have much energy for anything else.

"Well, I made these for you. I think they might help."

Rachel handed Bella a stack of papers. "What's all this?"

"I printed the hand-outs our therapists give to the patients. These include exercises for every muscle group, just simple movements and you don't need any special equipment. I can get you some resistance bands if you want more of a challenge."

"Wow, thanks, Rachel. This is so thoughtful. I'll definitely give them a try." Bella didn't have much memory of the night Jacob fled the Cullen's with her. She purposely tried to block out that time, but one thing she was certain was Rachel hated her that night. She honestly hadn't done anything to deserve this change of heart, but she was happy for the chance at a new friendship. She had taken friends for granted her entire life. That sucked. A lot of people tried to be her friend when she moved to Forks, but Bella only saw Edward. When her eyes opened to see is true nature, something else happened. She could finally see the world around her. That was one of the things that scared her so much at first. She felt too much now, but Jacob was helping with that.

He ignored his schoolwork again. "Hey, sis. Sorry about before. That's extra cool of you to help Bells. I'll make sure she works her butt off. I'm taking her on that walk before it gets too cold or else she's doing it in the snow."

"Good deal, but let her work at her own pace. I should go. Paul offered to take me out tonight, so I need to get home, change and make sure Dad has something to eat."

Bella walked Rachel to the door. She was taken by surprise when she turned around and gave her a hug. Bella stiffened from the contact, but took a few deep breaths and felt her body gradually relax.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to overwhelm you."

"No, it's okay. I have plenty of things to work on and giving friends hugs is one of them. Thanks, again. Have a fun date. Tell Paul hello from me. I'm sure that will be good for a laugh."

Bella felt her lips as she leaned against the closed cabin door. She enjoyed these moments when she felt normal and forgot all the bad things. Jacob kept his eyes trained on the laptop, but he was paying attention and he was also smiling. She took a few steps toward the kitchen table. Her sandwich was barely touched. She preferred hot, melty cheese, but before she could start the microwave to reheat it, there was a noise at the door again. Maybe Rachel forgot something.

* * *

The sequence of events happened almost in an instant. Jacob screamed, "Wait!"

But it was too late. Bella was in the doorway, standing face-to-face with her father and every bit of progress she made of the past few days fled her soul and into the wind that rushed inside and all around them.

"Bells, wake up. Can you hear me?"

She heard the voices but couldn't answer.

"What the hell have you done to her? Bells, it's me, Dad. She needs a doctor. I'm calling 911."

"No, Charlie, don't. Please, just back up and give her some air."

They were arguing. Jacob and her father. It wasn't a dream. It was real. He found her. He would know everything or maybe he did already. She wasn't ready. Bella kept saying it over and over, "I'm not ready."

The first thing out of her mouth was a muffled cry. Then Jacob told Charlie not to touch her.

"You better start explaining yourself, young man."

"I will or Bells will. You have to give her time to come around."

Minutes went by and they never stopped arguing. She had to speak. Her father was blaming Jacob. Nothing could be further from the truth. Finally, her eyes opened, but she struggled to find her voice. "Stop. Jacob saved me. He didn't do this, Dad. You know him better than that."

"I sure as hell thought I did, but he's been lying for months, has you hidden away in the woods like a prisoner. What am I supposed to think? I've been at my wits end. I didn't know how you disappeared off the face of the earth. I saw Rachel at the hospital today. I caught her in a lie. Billy told me she was sick with something contagious when I asked to visit a couple nights ago. She looked extra healthy to me this afternoon, so I followed her. And look where she led me."

Bella started to cry. Jacob offered to help her up, but she vigorously shook her head. She pushed off the sofa and sat up on her own, so she could face her father. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Don't cry, kiddo. Just tell me. What happened to you? You look so thin and pale. Have you seen a doctor? I really think you should get checked out. I could call Sue."

"Sue's been here many times. I…"

"What? You can't be serious. She and I… well, I guess I don't know anyone as good as I thought I did." Charlie pointed his finger at Jake. "You! Bells said you didn't do this to her, but you kept her from me. You're the reason everyone's been lying to me. What in the fuck is going on Jacob Black? The truth. I want the goddamn truth right now or I swear I'll have you arrested."

Bella had never heard her father erupt like that. She was the only one that could tame the situation, "Dad. Stop. Jacob only lies to you because that's what I tell him to do."

"That doesn't make any sense, Bells. Why would you do that?"

"Because I never wanted you to see me like this. I'm so ashamed." Bella took a few deep breaths and paused. This was it, her confession to the man that only wanted what was best for her in life and loved her unconditionally. He saw her in a way that no one else did. She was his little girl. "Because I did this. That's who you should blame, not Jake or Billy or his family. Blame me. I'm a terrible daughter and an even worse human being."

"Bells. Stop. Don't start that talk again. You know that's not the truth. It was all Cullen. Tell him the whole truth. Charlie, Edward Cullen did this to Bells and I found her barely alive the night I offered to snoop for you. That's the truth and I wanted to tell you hundreds of times, but you have no idea how fragile Bells was. The way you're seeing Bella tonight is 1000% better than the way she used to look. I was waiting for her to feel strong enough and then I would have come to get you. I swear."

Charlie's hands formed tight fists and he pushed them into his own face. Bella heard a grumble deep inside his chest. No one said anything for a long minute. He broke the silence when he looked full on his daughter's face. "Where is he? Don't even think about protecting him again."

"I won't. I'm not. He's gone, Dad."

"Well, I've got the law on my side. I'll sure as hell find him. I don't care how much money that family has, I'll put that skinny bastard under the jail. Did he lock you up because of his obsession? I knew he wasn't normal. It wasn't a normal teen romance. Goddamnit, I knew and I let it go."

Bella imagined he'd find a way to blame himself. "Everyone knew but me. I wouldn't listen to reason. You don't need to do anything and please don't blame yourself. I can't handle that guilt."

"I need to protect you and that's what I intend to do, but first let's get you to a proper doctor."

Jacob interrupted. "You can't, Charlie. Bella's on the mend and we have some things she still needs to do, but Sue and Old Quil are going to help. No doctors."

"Sue? I trust her, but she has limitations. Old Quil? Have you lost it, boy? He's a good man, but he's old as shit and half the time isn't in his right mind. He's most coherent on the moonshine, so what could he possibly do for Bells?"

"It's a long story."

Jacob looked to Bella. She didn't know where to start so she nodded. Maybe Jake should start. "Bella's right. Cullen is gone and anyone that was a party to hurting her is gone. I took care of it. She's safe now. The only thing you need to worry about is Bella getting stronger and finally realizing her worth to all of us. She needs space though. Don't push her. I've discovered that the hard way."

"Okay. Of course, I want that, but…" Her father paused. He was a man of few words and was searching for the right ones. "Bella, hear me now if nothing else I say make sense to right now. You are precious to me, worth more than my limited vocabulary can describe. Don't ever doubt how your mother and I love you. Renee. Oh my God, I have to call her. She has been frantic even if she blindly believed the Cullens were perfect."

Bella whispered to herself. "Mom." She would never understand; she had high hopes about Edward like Charlie said, often called him perfect.

"Back to you, boy. What do you mean by took care of it? Words like that are vague and I deal in facts. Why don't you explain exactly how you took care of Edward?"

Jacob's eyes told more than his words. Charlie started shaking his head. Jacob shrugged his shoulders, "I had to protect Bells and he needed to pay for what he did."

"You wouldn't."

"Charlie, there's shit you don't understand."

"I understand plenty. You hated him, loved Bells with your whole heart. Dammit! This is bad. No, I misunderstood. Not you. You're a kid. I know you sure as shit don't look like a kid, but I've known you since you were a baby and you're a _good_ kid. Say it again, tell me it's not as bad as you're insinuating. I agree there should be punishments, but… well, there's a process. I believe in it and I'm sworn to uphold the law in all circumstances."

"He's dead, Charlie."

"Except now. Shit. Stop talking."

"So are others. I'm not sorry for it and I'm not a kid, but hopefully, you can still believe deep down I'm good. And I'll always love Bells with my whole heart. She is my top priority, so I did what I had to do."

"Jesus Christ, son. Shhh, don't say things like that out loud." Bella's dad looked all around like he was nervous someone might hear Jacob's murder confession. He had no idea it wasn't exactly a natural death. The Cullens didn't even have a natural life. These were some of the things Bella always dreaded coming clean about. She honestly didn't want to hear this story again and without a word from her, Jacob knew.

"Charlie, come outside with me. I'll tell you everything, but Bells needs a break. She was just about to eat. Why don't you make a pot of coffee, honey? It's going to be a long night."

"We can't chat about a bombshell like that over coffee. You're in a shitload of trouble. I've got to call Billy and warn him. We need to get our stories straight."

"Warn him? Why? You'd turn me in?"

"Hell no. But some way, somehow, this will come out. It always does. There's no such thing as the perfect crime. What did you mean by others? Please tell me you didn't slaughter a whole family?"

"No, just those that hurt Bells."

"Then I'm sure the survivors will pursue this. People don't disappear into thin air and no one reports it."

"They won't."

"You can't be sure. Bells, tell me anything that could help Jacob. We'll use the self-defense plea."

"Dad. I never wanted you to know this, but Edward changed on our honeymoon or maybe he was his true self with me, finally. He was horrible… a monster. He wasn't just trying to keep me secluded for himself. He, uh… well, I asked him to leave me alone on our wedding night, and he didn't. He did the opposite. That was only the start. He hurt me. I should've died. I wanted to die. I willed myself to die, but Jake discovered me, and he refused to give up even when I had, but it wasn't enough to be rescued. Edward would come back for me. Jacob and the guys had no choice. It wasn't self-defense. It was survival."

He didn't butt in this time. Charlie let his daughter speak. She didn't say the word, but he knew what she meant by hurt. He had been in law enforcement long enough, and Bella watched his heart break in a million pieces. A father never wanted to imagine such a thing happening to his child.

"Fuck. I can't, no, not my Bells." He cried. Charlie cried and she cried because her dad never cried, but tonight he was crying openly in front of her. "Bells, do you mean?" He couldn't say the word either. "He was your husband. That's what he wanted, right because he was so honorable? He promised. I was there at the wedding. He promised in front of God and everybody to love you. Why would he? I couldn't stand him, but I never thought he…" His voice trailed off. She knew what he meant. No one at that wedding could imagine what would happen later.

"Charlie, please. Let's step outside now."

Her dad allowed Jacob to lead him out the door. He mouthed to her, "it's going to be okay," but she wasn't sure. As soon as Bella was alone, her emotions overtook her. She ran to bathroom to heave the small contents of her stomach. When she contained herself, she washed her face and rinsed out her mouth. Jake would tell him everything. Vampires, werewolves, the way she begged to change, Charlie would know all of it. Those truths made Bella ashamed. Her stomach knotted while she prepared the coffee strong like her dad liked it. The grilled cheese was ice cold and she'd only taken one bite. She almost threw it in the trash, but skipping meals when she was upset only made her worse, previously. Jacob would worry. He'd know she didn't eat, so Bella popped the sandwich into the microwave and prayed she could hold it down.

* * *

Jacob and Charlie didn't come inside for almost forty-five minutes, but the moment of truth finally arrived. She was prepared for more questions, disappointment, perhaps disgust for inviting the supernatural into their home.

Instead, her father walked to her and fell to his knees. His hands hovered over her lap where she was inadvertently wringing her fingers. "Jake says you don't liked to be touched."

"Not too much, no."

"So, everything he said is the truth and not the first step toward an insanity plea?"

"You know it's the truth. Jacob doesn't lie."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I've been blind and these vows of secrecy didn't help. Billy should have warned me." Billy gave them some vague warnings, but he left it up to her to do the right thing and she never did. Bella should have been smarter, but all the second-guessing didn't help much now. "I wish I could've been there to watch him pay. Jacob was right. I didn't know the whole story."

"And now you do? I'm sorry, Dad."

"No, no you don't. Don't say you're sorry. I saw some hikers over the past couple of years. I couldn't imagine what creature did that to a human being. Now I get it. They're predators. You were a victim and victims should never apologize, but thank God he didn't succeed taking you from us, Bells. You hear me? You're still here and we love you. You're a survivor. You won over evil. I'm damn proud of you, kid. And you're going to get better. We'll put the past in the past. I'm going to do whatever you need me to do to help."

She didn't know if he was overestimating her abilities, but Bella believed him in that moment. She looked at Jacob and she watched her father through teary eyes and hope filled her once again.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **I missed you guys. Here's to a great 2018 and lots of updates. The next chapter is underway.**_


	17. Chapter 17

**_We_** _ **are back inside Jacob's mind with a chapter I call, "Pillow Talk." This part was supposed to be short as we transitioned over to Old Quil's involvement. Funny how these two have a mind of their own once I get going, so this is all J & B. If you hadn't noticed, the majority of this fic is just the two of them. I've written plenty of pack-centered stories, but this one is a little different. **_

Chapter 17

Jacob studied every part of her. Bella's gaze mimicked his own. They'd seen each other countless times. He knew every crease, contour, and freckle on her face, but tonight lying in bed was different. Bella held tight to her fears about seeing Charlie again. No one could convince her to let them go, but tonight she had no choice. He showed up and she had to face her father. He knew now. He knew the whole story, and Bella was still okay. In fact, Jacob was convinced she was better than ever. That didn't mean the night was easy on her. She could have easily fallen apart a few times, but Charlie and Bella came to an understanding.

It was difficult for him to leave her there with Jacob, but he put his trust in him once he knew how far Bella had come inside the hidden cabin in the woods. Charlie asked if he could be there for her at Old Quil's. She hated that part of the confession more than anything. Bells had to show him some of her scars. Jacob swore that for her it was worse than talking about the rape. The attack from the honeymoon was something no one else could envision, but the physical scars were a tangible reminder. Her vulnerability was visible to the world and Bells despised it. She asked her father to wait since none of them knew how that first visit would go.

Bella refused to fall asleep. They'd been lying there for a good hour without saying much. Jacob finally spoke, "You should sleep, honey."

"I can't. There's too much going on inside my mind, but you can."

"Doubt it as long as you keep eyeballing me. That's not the easiest thing to fall asleep to, you know."

"Sorry." Her expression changed from content to sad in an instant.

"Hey, I'm just teasing. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I just remembered something that made me feel uneasy. You're right. It's creepy to stare at someone while they sleep."

"Bells, it's okay. Tonight, was monumental. I'll stay up with you, keep you company, talk or be quiet. Whatever you need."

"Dad said that too."

"I know."

"I almost fell apart when I saw his face."

"You didn't."

"I fainted."

"Yeah, but you survived another challenge. I knew you were ready and I was right."

"Ha-ha, Jacob Black thinks he's always right."

"Well… he was in this instance."

She shoved him because Bells hated when he referred to himself in the third person. He smiled at the dark ceiling because it was almost worth frustrating her if she would touch him again. "I can't believe Dad knows everything I worked tirelessly to shield him from for years."

"Yep, and he loves you just the same."

"Well, he shouldn't and neither should you."

"But we do, so watch it, Bells."

"Don't worry. I'm not slipping. I get it; people are on my side and for that I'm grateful even if I know I haven't earned it." Bella paused a few minutes. He thought maybe she was tired enough to fall asleep, but he was wrong. "Jake, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What if I hadn't been ready? What if the fainting was only the start and I completely went back to the dark place? What if I regressed?"

She didn't, so Jacob didn't know why she wanted to play the what-if game. He thought about her questions. What would he do? Bella reached across his chest and flattened her palm against his bare skin. Touch. Her touch. Then he knew, and he told her. "Wherever you go, I go. So, if you head to the dark place again, plan on dragging me with you, but I'm bringing my flashlight."

"That's not normal, but I'm so lucky to have you. One more question and then we'll sleep."

"Okay. Shoot."

"What's going on with you, the pack and your wolf? How are there two alphas?"

"You said one more question."

"Consider it a four-part question. It's all related."

Jacob normally would do or say anything to keep Bells talking. Some days were too quiet. Those were her bad days. He chose his words carefully. He wasn't going to elaborate on imprinting because he hated it even more than before when it was just annoying. Sam tried to discuss merging the packs and letting Jacob take the lead. He refused. Managing Leah and Seth were all he had time for. He'd been struggling with a restless wolf and his current behavior was ill-advised. She wouldn't like it, but he swore never to lie. Bella didn't mention imprinting, so Jacob felt okay not divulging how the tick messed with his head, but he had to tell her some of it.

"Sam lost his hold on me when you asked him to kill you. You know that."

"Yeah, you fought, but now you made up. I think I'm missing something. Rachel mentioned you being a leader. Do the guys want you to be their alpha? Are you already?"

"No, and I don't know what's going on in their minds. I left, remember? The only thing I do know is everyone wants you to get better, so we all agreed. Seth and Leah stick close to me and Sam has the others same as always."

Hopefully, his answers sufficed and they could get some damn sleep. Jacob understood her reluctance to drift off so soon after Charlie leaving, but damn, it was after two in the morning and he was tired.

"But you are gone so long on the weekends, what's up with that?"

Nothing was ever easy with Bells. She had to go there. "You know, just stuff. I stay inside a lot with you not that I don't want to, but the wolf needs out so when I'm out, he takes over."

 _Now, sleep_ was on his mind again.

"And what exactly does he do to take over because you come inside without a word and lock yourself in the bathroom forever then you act weird with me several hours?" He didn't say anything. She wasn't done with the inquiry. "You're leaving something out, so how can you expect me to open up when you don't give me the same courtesy? What does the wolf do all alone when I'm here playing games with Seth all day?"

"He runs."

"All day?"

"Yep."

"You're lying. Remember when I thought you were seeing a girl or something? I'm liable to jump to conclusions if you don't spill."

"Oh shit, you caught me. Yeah, the wolf. He likes me to pick up hot chicks. That's what I'm doing."

"Watch it. I'm about to kick you off the bed. Tell the truth."

"I'd like to see you try. Shit, Bells. Do you know what time it is and we have important stuff going on tomorrow?"

"We have important stuff going on right now. Tell me the truth."

How could he tell her the tick still haunts his dreams? Jacob was sure she had plenty of nightmares even when she was awake. He found one way to curb the torture and she wouldn't understand. Jacob needed Bells like he needed air, but his wolf had one other need besides her and that was to destroy leeches. That is what he let him out to do when Seth and Leah came over. They weren't exactly in the area because of the wolf pack. Jacob had to make some journeys. He had to search for them. That's why he was gone a long time. He didn't just let the wolf out to run; he let him out to hunt. It was a new obsession and he didn't want to quit. She'd ask him to quit and he wasn't ready.

Jacob chose his words carefully, "He makes things safer. That's what we're up to."

"Safer? What's that supposed to mean? Have there been new vampires in the region? Oh my God! What if the Volturi sent spies? Edward said they were appeased when we married. Oh no, tell me everything. What did they look like? Was it a female with blonde hair? You need to call Sam."

"Bells, calm down. As far as I know the Italian bloodsuckers haven't been anywhere near Washington. The guys know to watch for signs. It wasn't around here, 'kay. I'm beat, let's sleep."

Bella might be reconsidering her threat. Jacob felt tiny cold feet pushing at him. It was a weak attempt to shove him off the bed because she was fed up with his evasive words.

"If there was a vampire far from here then why would you know about it?"

"Because… dammit, Bells, I went looking for them. That's how, and I found one then another and another. You know what? It's fucking amazing to wipe them off the face of the earth. My wolf gets such a rush from it and he's getting stronger, stronger than I thought possible. I'm not stopping until I wipe them all out. I can't undo what happened to you, but it helps to keep the vengeance going. Killing Cullen once wasn't enough. There. I told you the whole truth, now we can sleep."

The lights came on.

"Have you lost your mind? How could you do this to me?"

"To you? You mean, for you. That's easy. I want you to live in a safe world."

"No, you want me to live alone."

"That's ridiculous. I'd never leave you." Jacob said that in his mind every day. He didn't go anywhere except to his father's and far north into the wilderness to hunt bloodsuckers. There was no way he'd every imprint because number one, he didn't want to with anyone but Bells and number two, he didn't allow himself any contact with new women.

"You' ve been hurt… bad. More than once in case your memory fails you. The guys had to come to your rescue. I'm guessing you don't take back up."

"Don't need it, and like I said, I'm stronger. I never asked for help. I've lost count how many I've taken down. Last week, it was two at once."

"I thought I made myself clear; I'm only alive because of you. I can't do any of this without you, so why are you risking your life for immortals that will never come anywhere near me? I know it's horrible what they do, but they have existed for centuries. We have no idea how many there are, so it's impossible to rid the world of them."

"You don't know that. You're a magnet for them for some reason. What if they're headed this way?"

"Then the pack will take care of it. I live in the safest spot on earth because of the wolves. Enough. This discussion is over. You won't go hunting ever again. I forbid it."

They'd had enough drama for the day, but Jacob couldn't help himself. He laughed. That might have been the wrong decision. Bella caught him by surprise. She jumped on top of him. One second they were both staring shell-shocked at the intimate contact, the next second she unleashed on him. Bells hit Jacob, over and over, she pounded her fists into his chest. She looked completely deranged, but he didn't stop her. She needed this and he could take it. Bella needed to fight back, so Jacob held still for a full minute. There'd been an incidence before and he didn't want her to break anything. He held his hands up in surrender before she wore herself out.

Her arms slowed down and the words spewed out, "You can't do this to me, jerk! Stop being stupid. This is macho bullshit. I'll leave if you don't listen and I don't mean to Dad's. I'll disappear, Jacob Black and you'll never find me. Is that what you want?"

He grabbed her hands and held her clenched fists. She was huffing air trying to catch her breath. Her punches didn't hurt, but they knocked some sense into him. Jacob spoke in a soothing voice. "It's okay, Bells. Slow down. Breathe in through your nose and let it out your mouth, slow. With me." He modeled the breathing technique for, all the while massaging her sore fingers. She resisted opening her fists. Realization came to her and she realized what she'd just done.

Her body slumped, "I'm crazy. I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry. You're all red and blotchy."

"It'll fade and it's fine. I pissed you off."

"Yes, but I had no right to turn violent. I'm just as bad as…"

Jacob reached up to cover her lip. "No, it was the adrenaline. You're not violent, you're passionate about this. That's a good thing and I'm an ass. I hid this from you because you wouldn't understand. You're right, I've been reckless and it's not fair. I shouldn't make you afraid even if I'm confident."

"So, you won't go again?"

"No, not as long as you don't want me to, but that doesn't mean I'll never face a bloodsucker again. I can't promise that."

"I know. That's a fair compromise."

"Compromise is key for people that love each other. I love you, Bells. You know that, right?"

She nodded and then she looked down at how she was sitting. He didn't dare move a muscle in his lower half.

Bella eyed her side of the bed. "Wait, I… I"

"I love you too, but I can't, Jake. I'm sorry." She moved off and he instantly missed the weight of her.

"I wasn't. I mean, it's just…" he didn't want to pressure her, but this was an honest moment. "It's just, I was hoping we could start somewhere. Only when you're ready. Slow, maybe a little more, you know."

"Of course, I know. We live together, sleep in the same bed and have strong feelings for each other. I'm damaged, but I'm still human. You take showers all the damn time. I feel so guilty."

"Don't. It's fine. All I mean is it's nice to be close to you is all. I like it when you touch me. I'm a guy, and you're so beautiful, but I swear, I'll be patient. Don't feel guilty."

"I don't even know what first step to try without getting overwhelmed. My mind tells me the truth, that you'd never hurt me, but I can't help the way I physically react. We're different in my heart. It's like I'm already there if you can believe that. I'm sure I'm not making sense. You're right. We should sleep."

"Yeah, we should sleep, but can I hug you for a minute? Sometimes, I ache for more than a brush of your skin. I'm not talking about the ache that forces me into an ice cold shower. It's deeper than that. It's inside my soul and you can trust me. I swear I have the self-control of Tibetan monk… years of practice."

She nodded, "Slow, a little at a time, nothing sensual, okay?"

"Sure, sure. You go first, so I know what you're comfortable with."

Bella turned on her side and Jacob followed suit. They were staring in each other's eyes. He was anticipating her touch and his heart was already racing. She was extra slow, but her hands slipped around his neck. Their eyes never lost contact. Now it was Jacob's turn. He contemplated where to put his hands. She stopped him before he touched her.

"Wait. I said nothing sensual."

"I haven't even touched you."

"Well, stop looking at me like that. It scares me."

"Scares you in a bad way?"

She thought about it before answering, "No, but I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate."

"Honey, I think that's a good sign." Then he took a chance. He slipped one arm around her torso. She didn't resist, so he pulled her closer, not too close. They used to be at ease with physical contact and this was awkward at best, but Bella didn't freak out. Progress. Peace. Contentment. He waited on her and she snuggled in until her face was close to his neck.

One hand slid across his chest and rested over his heart. "I love feeling how alive you are." It was almost always the place she touched when she felt comfortable.

Jacob held her a little tighter. "We both are. You'll see. You're just as alive as I am." For the first time, they went to sleep wound together without waiting for their unconscious selves to take the lead. They had a long way to go. He wasn't fooling himself, but this new journey just made a beautiful turn.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **Thoughts and endless praises are always encouraged. ;)**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**~In honor of Taylor's birthday, I'm giving my lovely readers an update.**_

Chapter 18

Old Quil began his third pass around Bells. "You've seen 'em already. What's the deal?"

Bella had to pull off her hoodie and long-sleeved shirt, so the old man could get a good look at her scars. She trembled in place while Jacob held her hand.

"Patience, boy. Is he always this rude?"

Bella lightened up and smiled, "All the time. Go on, sir if you need to see them again."

"No, I think your protector is right. I've gotten a good look. Tell me something. Do they hurt? Itch, burn, anything like that?"

"No, they feel numb, almost like dead spots."

Jacob was surprised. She'd never told him that. He did his best not to bring them up, so he would have never asked these questions.

"Yes, makes sense. Jacob's blood brought you back to life before, didn't it?"

Bella looked at Jake. He smiled at her and she nodded, "Yes, we believe it did, but why did it only heal the scars where the needle went in?"

"I don't have a good answer for that, but Sue and I think direct contact is exactly what you need. It's not going to be pleasant for either of you. Jacob's a big, strapping boy with the wolf inside. He'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about. So's Sue. You're awfully tiny and a little frail looking. I don't mean that negatively."

Bella slipped her layers back on, "I'll be fine; I'm stronger than I look."

Understatement of the year. Jacob agreed, but something didn't sound right, "She is, but why are you worried?"

"Sue needs to cut both of you. That's what we've decided. I've prepared a sacred room. The spirits will intervene on her behalf, but if you'd rather think on it a little longer, that's understandable."

"Cut her? No, no way, you're not cutting Bells."

"Jacob, stop. I'm sure it's not that bad. Do you mean like the IV did? A needle stick?"

The old man explained in graphic detail about opening Bella's dead flesh to allow Jacob's healing properties into her. She wobbled just hearing about. Jake grabbed her elbow to stabilize her.

"That sounds extreme. She could lose too much blood. I'm not comfortable with this and neither is Bells."

She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "No, I can do it. Let's get rid of this horror show today."

"Only one, dear. I'm sorry, but it's going to take a long time to cleanse you fully."

"What? One! You must be kidding. I need them all gone. I can't wait any longer." Jacob was expecting this not the cutting, but the part about this taking a while. Bella's despair indicated she thought it would be a quick fix, and he couldn't bear to crush her first brush with hope.

Sue spoke up. "Bella, be reasonable. Jacob's right. You're going to lose blood. Your reserves are low. One at a time is the only option and we'll have to see how this goes to know how often it can be done."

Worry was etched all over Sue's face. She didn't want a setback and she'd seen Bella in bad shape. They should wait. "We're not ready. She's not ready yet. Not today."

Bella pinched her brows together with her hand on her head. "I'm fine. I can do it, but if I handle the first one, then at least let me try another."

"She has the warrior's heart, like you, Jacob. That's why your souls have aligned."

He and Bella both turned to gaze at the old guy. What did he mean by that? Bella whispered, "Is he confused?"

Jacob spoke back to her through the side of his mouth, "Always. Now can we go home?"

Quil arrived and distracted everyone. "Whoa. I forgot you guys were coming today. Good thing I put my pants on outside."

Thank God poor Bella and Sue were spared. Quil began to ransack the kitchen not caring there was an important private moment taking place in the next room. "Grandfather, where's the bacon? You know you're not supposed to eat that on your new diet to lower your cholesterol."

"I think you ate it last night for a midnight snack."

"No, I clearly remember I changed my mind and fried chicken wings instead of making a bacon cheeseburger. Grandfather, tell the truth."

"Maybe I should make Quil something."

"Hell no, Bells. We're in the middle of something. Sue, give us some facts, what if Bella loses too much blood?"

Before Sue could answer, Quil was in the room holding a frying pan in one hand and a large piece of fruit in the other hand. He bit into the damn thing, "Eww, this is disgusting. No wonder you're failing the diet. Health sucks, and I know you ate that whole package of bacon, cheater."

"Quil for fuck's sake, will you get lost?"

"Jeez, what's your problem? I'm fucking hungry."

Bella took a step toward the kitchen, "That's a mango."

"It's nasty."

"You're supposed to peel it. Here." Bella snatched the mango from Quil's hand. "What are you hungry for?"

"Anything. I could eat a horse."

"Well, I'm not about to cook a horse, but I'll make you something tasty. I need to cook, so I can think."

"Woo-hoo. Thanks, Bella. I missed you. See, Jake. Bella's nice; she doesn't yell at me."

Thirty minutes passed. Bella found roast beef in the fridge and made them all French dip sandwiches. Jacob hoped the time spent in thought made her come to her senses. He didn't want her to risk this, at least not yet. She wasn't 100%.

Bella took a bite of her creation and washed it down with a water bottle. "Let's do this. If this must be done in steps, I have to get started. Don't warn me or show me anything sharp. I'll close my eyes, so I won't get squeamish."

Old Quil was happy. Jacob was worried Bella was about to be a guinea pig for some spiritual ritual he always wanted to try. If Sue wasn't on standby, he'd pick Bells up and toss her over his shoulder to make a run for it.

Everyone finished their lunch before following Old Quil in his specially prepared room which wasn't a sacred room by any stretch of the imagination. It was Quil's mom's room before she moved in with that shifty car salesman.

"Oh, this smells nice."

Old Quil had candles burning all over the room and the window was covered with a blanket. There was a bed next to the wall. Jacob wondered if Bella needed to go to sleep for the procedure. He honestly had no idea what to expect, but his eyes caught sight of bandages laid across the bed along with a strange blade.

"Sue, you can't be serious. Don't you have a scalpel, something that has been sterilized in this century?"

"The knife is clean Jacob. I did it myself."

"Cleansed," the old man added. "There's a difference. Bella's wounds are supernatural. You can't expect us to treat her with modern inventions. That dagger has a long history with the Quileutes. Your ancestors have blessed this tool."

He mouthed to Bella, _say no_.

She nodded instead, "Thank you for believing I'm worthy of this heirloom. I'm honored."

"Worthy? Oh, you're more than worthy. This is divinely sanctioned. I know the full story."

Jacob rolled his eyes. He was saying weird shit. Old Quil didn't even know Bells, but he was acting like she was a queen. Sue and Old Quil took turns explaining the process. Bella needed to pick a bite, and it was no surprise she chose the one close to her neck. It was the worst. Sue needed to cut her first. Old Quil planned on burning some stuff on a side table. They both had to drink a special tea that would promote healing. Once Bella's bleeding was established, Jacob would cut his own hand and place it over her wound.

"What if I heal too fast?"

"Cut deep and place it against her open flesh immediately, then I'll bind the two of you with the bandages. It will work."

Bella pretended to be brave, but Jacob could tell she was a bundle of nerves

"Okay, I'm ready." She leaned to the side to expose her neck.

Old Quil chuckled, "Oh no, not yet. You and Jacob need to rid yourself of all these clothes. It's important you fuse as much skin as possible. This is not a medical procedure; it's spiritual in nature. Skin on skin has many healing benefits.

Neither Jacob nor Bella were expecting Quil's grandfather to suggest they get naked together. There was no way. Of course, Quil was eavesdropping and making all sorts of inappropriate gestures at the door. Thankfully, Bella's back was turned and didn't see him.

She spoke up, "Um, I can't take off my clothes. Jacob and I, we're not, well... I just can't."

"We know you've been through an ordeal, child. I promise we'll be respectful."

"Look, Bella's neck is exposed, I can take off my shirt, but we're not getting naked for this. That's a bit much."

"Your generation. I swear, and old people are supposed to have hang-ups. It's the body, made in the image of The Great Spirit. Quit making it dirty, Jacob. Shame on you embarrassing this dear girl. Wear your underclothes if you must, but I'm only trying to do my best. This is a cleansing, healing ritual, clothes are a hindrance."

* * *

Once they were alone, both began to fumble over their words nervously, "You don't have to Bells. He's a little nuts."

"Yeah, I see where Quil gets his quirkiness. I mean, stripping seems overboard."

"It is. This can't be a pleasant experience and I just want you to be as comfortable as possible."

Bella let out a long sigh, "We're the definition of comfortable or we used to be. I'm okay with how we sleep. It's not that different only I have on boy shorts instead of my pajama pants. You could wear shorts. Do you have any?"

Bella started sleeping in these cami things a while back. She complained he was too hot for long sleeves. Jacob wore jeans today. He could borrow some shorts from Quil, but then he remembered the time he accidentally picked up a pair of his cut-offs from the stockpile. They were damp. Jacob dropped them and swore he was keeping his shit separate from then on.

Quil insisted he smell them that it was only soda. Jacob didn't need to smell them to know his idiot friend was a total slob.

"Um, my boxers are just like shorts." Bella blushed, but nodded. "You honestly don't have to."

"No, Mr. Quil is right. Jeez, we aren't prudes. We sleep together in a similar state. This will just be less while our blood mixes to heal a bunch of vampire bites. No biggie. We can do this."

Jacob laughed. "There she is. I missed the Bella that is so good with weird."

He took a step closer and reached up to touch her cheek. She didn't flinch. "Is this okay?"

"Yes, I trust you." She covered his hand with hers. "These hands will never hurt me."

"No, they won't. I won't. I promise."

Bella moved their hands down in front of them. She squeezed two times, "Okay, it's time, turn around."

Jacob held his breath while he listened to rustling fabric. She removed her hoodie followed by her shirt. When the zipper went down on her jeans, he cleared his throat. She wasn't undressing for his benefit, it was all for this ceremonial bleeding thing. Jacob pictured Old Quil lighting candles and chanting Quileute instead of Bells climbing under the covers in her underwear. That worked. He wasn't the least bit aroused. He slipped his shirt off his body and tossed it on top of her stuff.

"Wait. I'll shut my eyes."

He chuckled. "You do that, honey."

"It's not funny."

"I know. This is for your health. I'm trying to be serious."

"Hurry up, they'll be back soon. Quil isn't coming in here, is he?"

"No. I won't let him."

"He better not talk about it either. Warn him."

"Yes, ma'am. My pants are off." Bella opened her eyes.

"Jacob!" She covered her face up with her hands.

"I said they were off not that I was in the bed. Jeez, couldn't you tell?"

He pulled back the covers too far and saw some of her lower half. He wasn't sure why she called them boy shorts. They were panties, and she didn't look like a boy at all wearing them.

Bella made sure they were covered up completely before he called Sue. "Didn't you give me morphine shots in the ass? It's nothing you haven't seen."

"Yes, but I erased that memory from my mind. You were unconscious not looking at me seeing you."

He laughed again, "Whatever you say, Bells."

"Knock, knock, we are ready to begin the ritual."

* * *

"You okay? Do you feel light-headed?"

"No, for the last time. I feel fine. The only thing making me dizzy is how much you keep asking if I'm alright. I didn't even feel it. The anticipation was worse than anything. I told you the scars are like dead spots."

"Come to think of it, no, you never told me that."

"Oh, well. They do. Can we stop talking about them?"

"Sure, sure, Bells. One more thing. How are you standing this goddamn heat?"

The final thing Old Quil did before leaving them was kick on a space heater in the corner. He insisted sweating was the most important part next to the bleeding and the touching. Jacob couldn't forget the touching. They had to experiment with the position to make it comfortable. The only thing that felt natural was him spooning Bells with his sliced hand draped over her chest. They were literally tied like this. He did his best not to press against her too much. Every inch of their bodies was slick with sweat.

They both twisted a little and Jacob decided he had to prop himself up on his other arm to take some of the weight off her. That meant he would have to look at her unless he closed his eyes. They were practically melting in that room as their blood mingled. It was weird and uncomfortable but she looked amazing. He wanted to tell her she was beautiful but figured it wasn't the best time and she knew how he felt. Feeling was currently his biggest issue because he didn't want to scare her. There were far too many pheromones circulating, and he was hyper-aware of every breath she took and ever beat of her heart.

"You look troubled, Jake, almost worse than me."

"No. Well, maybe because I'm worried about you. I hate you have to go through this so many times and again, this fucking heat is ridiculous."

"At least I'm with you." She giggled. "Now you know what it's like to be surrounded by unnatural heat. I don't think it's a bad thing, but seriously, how are you? You keep asking about me, but this bothers you. I saw the tremor. Don't deny it. Your wolf is restless."

"He's fine." She frowned because she didn't believe that. "Okay, truth. He smelled him. Just for a split second when Sue opened you up and I wasn't expecting it. It's like… fuck, I don't want to make you feel worse, but I'm pissed he left a part of himself in you. I can't stand it, but that's nothing compared to your memories. I'm so sorry for what you went through, and I still struggle with my anger, but it isn't about me. This is your journey."

Bella closed her eyes instead of responding. Maybe sleep was what she needed. That didn't last long. Bella opened them back up and their eyes met. Her fingers glided over his chin and up the side of his cheek. "It's helpful to hear your thoughts even when they're painful and don't forget, I invited you along for this trip through hell and back. For some strange reason, you accepted."

They only agreed to try a little more physical touch the night before. Jacob already thought he pushed the limit earlier. He wasn't going to say or do another thing, but she moved first and he was drawn into her orbit. The invisible string reeled him in until they shared the same breath. Her forehead pressed against his or maybe it was the other way around. He didn't know for sure. He had never wanted to kiss her so badly, but he wouldn't do it. She would have to kiss him first to know if she was ready. Their only two kisses were under duress, first his about losing her forever and then hers about losing him to the newborn army. There was no rush or urgency this time. They were in this for the long haul. _Be patient_. He took a breath with her. Bella licked her lips. That could a cue or maybe they were dry in that suffocating room. He needed to stop thinking about her mouth and how much he loved her.

Jacob tried to stay still, but he craved the slightest contact. His free hand rose slowly so she wouldn't be surprised. It grazed her neck and then her cheek because she agreed that was fine earlier, but her damp hair partially blocked her face so he moved it. Jacob didn't let go. Instead, he savored this new level of intimacy. He maintained full control, determined not to push. He only wanted to see her, to memorize the moment. She hadn't pushed him away once all day, and everything had been slow and tender up until that point.

The sudden shout pulled Jacob from his romantic trance, "Let go, stop it. Get off!" He dropped her hair and pulled away. Bella had been gazing lovingly at him one second, but in the next breath, she lost it. Her fingers tore at the bandages. Panic overtook her. There was more screaming. His words did nothing to calm her down. Sue, Old Quil and Quil responded to the terror. Their tranquil connection was replaced by complete chaos. Jacob sent Quil away thinking that would help. It didn't. Sue offered to give her a sedative, but she refused. They'd been doing so well and this was a major setback. The only thing that got through to her was Jacob calling attention to her neck. He expected to see oozing blood or the cut, but it wasn't the case. There was dried blood streaked across her skin and the bandages, but Bella wasn't bleeding. She wasn't cut and she wasn't scarred, at least not there. It worked. He healed her or some of the crazy shit Old Quil did affected it. He couldn't say for sure, and if he hadn't crossed the line with her, there would be a great celebration.

Bells stopped screaming and started sobbing uncontrollably.

"It's okay, honey. This is great news. How do you feel?"

Sue tried to assess her, but Bella pushed her away same as she'd done to him, "I'm fine, but please, everyone leave me alone. Is there a bathroom where I can shower? I feel gross."

Jacob imagined she wanted to wash him away more than the blood and sweat. Old Quil told her she was welcome to use their only bathroom. He made Quil clean up a few minutes ago for that very reason. Jacob wanted a second to be alone with her, but she meant him too. He pleaded with his eyes, but she shook her head and looked away. She couldn't even stand to see him. He scooped up his clothes and headed outside. It was freezing but he would use Quil's outside spray hose. He needed a cold shower more than ever. What had he done? Whatever it was, he didn't mean to upset her. Dammit, they hadn't had a setback in a long while. That's what this was, but he tried to convince himself it was minor. She remembered something or the closeness was too much. She could have been feeling the effects of the procedure or a combination of things. Jacob held back. He was not making a move. He didn't even know how to be a gentleman anymore, what was too much or just enough.

"Hey, man. That was a bit wild, huh?"

Quil came around the corner. He was the last person Jacob wanted to see. He loved the guy like a brother, but he wasn't going to be able to handle his constant running at the mouth.

"Do you mind? I am trying to clean up in private." Jacob turned off the water and shook off like a dog. He hadn't grabbed a towel. His shirt wasn't hard to slip on, but his jeans stuck against his wet legs. Quil hadn't listened. He was still standing there.

"Umm…"

"What? I told you to get lost and don't mention one bit of this to anyone. Bella needs her privacy."

"Yeah, no prob, but one question. Bella doesn't still do stuff, does she?"

"Do what stuff?"

"You know, like want to hurt herself."

"No." Jacob said it but wasn't completely convinced. "Why, what's going on? Did she say something? Who's with her?"

"She didn't run the shower long, but she's still in the bathroom and I heard a noise. I think it's…"

That's all Jacob let him say. He ran past him and through the front door. He didn't think to knock or call her by name. He heard the sound as well. Jacob pulled the door down from the hinges with one firm yank.

"Oh, shit. I thought I heard my clippers, but that didn't make sense."

Jacob shoved Quil back, so he wouldn't follow him inside. Bella was wrapped in a towel sitting on the toilet seat shaving her damn head while she stared at a wall. She stopped when she saw what he'd done to the door. He took another step and slowly pried the clippers from her hand. She hadn't finished. Her head was a mess; clumps of long hair were scattered everywhere.

"Bells, why?"

She looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, "H… he… he wound his fingers in my hair when he hurt me. I thought he was going to pull it out by the roots it hurt so bad."

Jacob's head fell forward. She trusted him, but he'd unintentionally reminded her of Edward. He was an idiot, so full of himself and false hope that she was almost completely healed. Jacob wasn't sure that was ever possible now.

Bella covered his fist, "I heard humans replace all their skin cells every 27 days. That means the skin I'm in hasn't been touched by him not counting the scars." She stood up and walked in front of the sink to touch her freshly healed skin. "This worked. It's a miracle and I never believed in them. I do now. I don't want your hands anywhere his hands have been, so I had to do it. Do you understand?"

He didn't, but he nodded. Jacob stood behind her. She started crying again, "Sorry, I'll look hideous while it grows back. I'd rather be ugly than keep thinking about him."

"No, it's impossible for you to look ugly. You're beautiful inside and out. Hold still and let me even it all out." Bella held onto the vanity while Jacob finished buzzing her head. When he was done he realized her eyes were closed. "Open your eyes, honey."

She held her lip between her teeth. She wasn't the least bit hideous. Jacob only saw her, _his Bells_ ; he didn't car about the hair.

He suggested she get back in the shower to rinse off again or she was going to start itching. Bella pointed to the nonexistent door. He promised to hold it up for her privacy, but wasn't about to leave her alone again. Once he heard the water going, he came back inside the tiny bathroom with the door propped up as best as he could get it. He needed to call Paul to bring them a new one.

"I'm in here, Bells, just in case you need me. I'll step out when you shut off the water."

Jacob attempted to scoop up the hair that was everywhere so he could throw it away in the trashcan. He loved her hair, but this was what she had to do. He accepted it. Jacob stared at the clippers still lying beside the sink. There wasn't a conscious decision, one second, he was looking at them and the next they were in his hands. She turned off the water before he finished.

Bella stuck her head out the backside of the curtain, "Oh my God, Jacob, you idiot." He was going to leave like he promised, but she stopped him. "I have another towel. Wait."

He waited for her. Bella looked upset but made a joke. "I guess I'm a bad influence. Go on, sit down, so I can reach. You're making a bigger mess than I did. You didn't need to do this, you know."

"Yeah, I did. Remember what you said? You invited me on your journey, so I'm just following your lead."

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **I have been planning this chapter a long time. It replayed in my mind so many times before I got it written for real. It changed and evolved, but I'm happy with it. Trying to be realistic in this piece of fic. Sometimes, readers might feel one of these characters is wallowing in self pity or the other one is being pushy. That's the point. They're so young and this topic is heavy. Mistakes will be made and setbacks occur. Also, I heart angst. LOL! Hit me up with your reactions. By the way, Kristen and Taylor have both buzzed their heads IRL and looked sexy. ;) I had to do it.**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Remember**_ _ **me and this story? I hope so. Here's an update.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: Twilight and all characters belong to Stephenie Meyers.**_

Chapter 19

Jacob caressed Bella's shoulder before dropping a kiss there. Touch was comfortable for them now. They dwelled in their intimate nature but didn't cross certain lines. He knew which barriers existed. She couldn't kiss him on the mouth yet. They'd talked about it. Bella promised soon, so he waited.

"Only two remain. I can't believe how far you've come these months."

Bella angled her body toward him. Her leg rested against his hip so he had to maintain some personal distance. His hand was bound to her thigh healing the final leg scar. They'd become adept at contorting any way necessary while maintaining contact and modesty. It wasn't always easy, but they were both willing to do what it took to heal her. All shyness between them had disappeared after the first time. Bella didn't ask him to turn around, and he did his best not to stare.

Bells sighed, "Actually, I've decided something important. There's only one remaining on my forearm."

"Your wrist too."

"Yes, the bite that wasn't inflicted by Edward. That's why I've decided to keep it. I hope that's okay."

It was her body, so Jacob wouldn't tell her what to do, but he was curious. She'd always tried to hide it from him. He knew what it was as soon as he phased, but they both avoided discussing it. Now that they had the secret to healing her, he only assumed Bells wanted it gone.

"You probably can't understand, but this scar means something to me unlike the reminders from Edward."

"Okay, do you feel like explaining a little more? What does it mean?"

Bella had never told him much about the leech James stalking her until this moment. His body tensed and his anger flared for the Cullens allowing Bella to be in that predicament. Jacob wished he would have phased earlier. Maybe he could have protected her better. That family failed her many times.

Her story wound down. The whole ordeal sounded terrible, so he still wasn't convinced why she chose to keep that bite mark. However, Bella finished with a clear answer, "I saw the horror of their world that night in the studio. I suffered immense pain and agony; I should have died then, but I survived. The irony was it scared me in ways I can't describe, but I still worshiped Edward. It didn't change anything for me when it should have. I had to go through so much more than that first attack from James to get it. I can barely remember who I was then. I've come so far and for me this bite from James is a positive reminder. Also, what if this first bite is the very reason I survived the attack from Edward? What if it gave me immunity? Wouldn't it be nice to have that reassurance I can't be turned by a vampire?"

Jacob growled. "Trust me, no fucking leech will ever get close enough to bite you again, but I get what you're saying. If it's important to you, then you have my full support. Just remember, a vampire is dangerous even without their fangs. I need you to stay safe always, Bells."

"I will and the way I see it, I can change my mind. One day, I might want this last scar gone, but not now. It's not the right time in my life."

Bella and Jacob snuggled a little closer. The progress she made over the months was nothing short of a miracle. Bells was always strong, but now she knew it. She took the walks now with or without him because physically she was a hundred percent. Of course, Seth or Leah were never far, but she didn't mind as long as she got her space. Jacob was on target to finish high school by early summer. He had two jobs, both part-time, but life was normal or normal as it could be for a woman recovering from vampire trauma and a guy that phased into a giant furry wolf daily. She was comfortable hanging with Sam's pack not all at once, but sometimes, they had dinner with Sam and Emily or Bella cooked for Embry and Quil. Once a week, Rachel and Bella made family dinner. Charlie and Sue were usually there and Bella had braved going to her father's house. That day took a lot out of her; the memories were overwhelming, but she and Jacob promised to make new ones.

Bella mentioned Old Quil should be in soon to remove the bandages. Jacob always had mixed feelings about the end of the ritual. It was uncomfortable and tiring, but also a peaceful and intimate time with her.

"Jake, maybe tonight," she paused.

"Yeah, what about tonight?"

"Um, maybe tonight could be special?" Bells blushed. He smiled at her. Jacob thought all nights with her were special, but he hoped she meant what he thought she meant. He tried to remain calm and not seem too eager. Blood pooled to his lower half, and he felt the room get a little warmer. Dammit. He was already far too eager. "I sound like an idiot. Stop looking at me so I can say it."

"You were talking, so it's natural to look, Bells."

"Well, you look crazy, stop it."

"Where should I look then?"

Bella pointed, "The ceiling. Look up, anywhere but at me."

He stared straight up, sure that he looked way crazier now, but Bella was able to explain, herself. "I was thinking we could stay at home like normal but do something different, make it seem more like a date. Is that dumb? I swear to God, I sound like I'm fourteen."

"No, that sounds nice. So, about dating you… what kind of stuff do you like to do on dates?" Jacob raised his eyebrows a few times.

Bella buried her face against him. "Stop embarrassing me. You know what I like to do at home: cook, watch movies, bake brownies, prop our feet up and enjoy each other's company."

"Okay, what will make this night different then? Are you saying I get to kiss you goodnight? Please say yes."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure I'm ready for that, so treat me right on this date and we'll see what happens."

"Oh, I will. I promise, I'll be your best date ever. There will be flowers, candles and all the romantic shit I can think of."

"You don't have to do all that."

"I do, Bells and I will, but one more question, after our goodnight kiss, do I still get to sleep with you?"

Jacob tickled her, and Bella slapped his hand away. "Maybe, but that sounds more salacious than it actually is. We'll most likely sleep. I need baby steps, remember."

"I'll be a perfect gentleman. How's that sound?"

"It sounds fine… for now, but I'm at liberty to change my mind," this time Bella winked at him.

* * *

Jacob skipped toward the front of the cabin with flowers in one hand, sparkling cider in the other and two grocery bags hanging off his arms. The cider might be lame, but alcohol didn't affect him and he still got carded at the grocery store. Bella stayed home cooking while he ran out for the supplies. He bought a few scented candles along with the finishing touches Bella requested for their special date night dinner.

He couldn't remember how many nights they'd stayed home doing this exact thing, but tonight was expected to be completely different. Jacob entered the cabin with a traditional 'honey, I'm home' chant. The last thing he expected was a distressed look on Bella's face.

She was panicked. Maybe she was unsure about what she said earlier. He'd have trouble hiding his disappointment, but of course, he would back down if that's what she needed.

Jacob noticed the phone in her palm, "What's wrong?"

"It's Dad."

"Shit. What happened to Charlie?"

"Nothing happened. It's just he's on the way here."

"Now! You're kidding, right?"

"No, I didn't know what to say. He called and said he missed me extra today and offered to bring out some pizza, so I said I was already cooking a roast chicken. He thought that sounded way better than pizza. I'm sorry, my dad just invited himself to our date. I didn't know what to say."

"You could have said no."

"I couldn't. My dad has been through terrible things because of me. He won't stay too late, I'm sure. Did you buy the bread and cheese I asked for?"

Jacob slammed the bags on the table. "Yeah, it's all there. You can light the _let me tease_ you candle or the _kissable buttercream_ one, whichever one you think Charlie would prefer."

"Oh my God, they sell those scents at the Forks market?"

"Yeah, by the florist section, there's a new vendor cart for some lady's business." Jacob shoved the bouquet in between them. "There, those are for you unless you'd rather give them to your father like you are my dinner."

Charlie put Bells on the spot and it wasn't her fault, but he was a typical male and he'd been patient for so fucking long. Jacob thought he deserved a good pouting. As soon as Bella took the flowers, he stormed off to the bedroom, slammed the door, and fell face first onto the mattress. She'd changed the sheets. Fuck his life. Bella wanted to be romantic as much as he did.

She opened the door, "It's just an hour or so, two hours tops. You're acting like a huge baby right now."

Jacob lifted up so he could see her, "Maybe I am, but getting cockblocked by Charlie wasn't what I had in mind when I went off to the store to buy things I thought were going to make us have a great date. I'm entitled to be disappointed."

"You don't think I'm not disappointed?"

"I don't know, are you? Or are you relieved?" He regretted that last part as soon as he said it. "Bells, I didn't mean that."

"No, you did, and I don't blame you. I've always been somewhat of a tease to you. I have issues. We all know that. Thanks for the reminder." Her lip trembled. "Actually, you're a fucking jerk!" Bella slammed the door harder than he had and left him alone. He'd ruined everything. Even after Charlie left, she would not be any sort of mood for romance. He'd be lucky if he didn't have to sleep outside as a wolf.

Jacob jumped off the bed. He had to take it back, make it up to her not because he was trying to get something extra from their date, but because Jacob hated to make her cry.

She was in the kitchen slamming dishes and silverware on the table when he wrapped his arms around her waist. She yelled, "Let me go."

"I'm sorry. I am a jerk. Please stop crying. We'll make the best of the night. I swear it."

She squirmed, so she could turn around. Her arms squeezed him tightly in return. "It's not true. The dinner with Dad will change everything. Dinner was supposed to be the mood setter. We are going to miss all the buildup. You're right. I should have stopped him, and said we already had plans, but I still let my guilt control me. Maybe we should just do it, get it over with before he gets here."

"What?"

"You know, kissing. You kiss me now. That's what you said once, I ask and then you will. Well, I'm asking after six months of living together; I'm finally ready, kiss me, Jake."

He leaned in, Bella puckered her lips and Jacob planted a kiss right smack dab in the middle of her forehead. "No, not like that. We've kissed before for the wrong reasons, and I swore to myself I'd never let it happen like that again. You are trying to prove a point right now that you won't get scared or that you're ready for something more physical between us, but I only want you to kiss me because you want to. You should feel that need from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, honey. That's the next kiss we deserve, so I won't settle and neither will you."

"I love you."

"I know, and I love you. When it happens for us, we are going to soar. Nothing will stop our love. It'll keep getting better."

The knock at the door made them both pull away. Bella shoved the candles in his hands, "Save those for later. We're not using those with Dad here, but I'll put the flowers in water. I think they will make an excellent conversation piece. Hopefully, Dad gets the hint and leaves soon after eating."

Charlie let himself in after three knocks before Jacob got to the door. If he and Bella were about to change the nature of their relationship, he needed to remember to start locking that door.

* * *

Dinner was astounding as always. The flowers didn't give Charlie much of a clue. He asked Bella to move them, so he could see her while he talked to her. He said he a had a funny story to tell them. Quil applied to work at the station and put Jacob as his first reference. He wondered if they knew about Quil's interest in law enforcement.

Jacob quipped, "I don't think it's a real interest. Once he said it would be cool to carry a gun around at all times and no one think anything about it."

"So, you don't think he is cut out for the force?"

"You aren't going to deputize him, are you?"

"No, nothing like that. He's going to work as a clerk first, but I was seriously considering recommending him for the academy in the fall if he does alright. I can use a guy like well, you know like Quil unless you're interested in police work, Jake. Surely, one of you boys would try. Bad guys wouldn't have a chance around these parts."

"No, Dad. Jacob likes to fix things. He doesn't want to be a cop, no offense."

Jacob was quiet. He had flown through school so fast, he hadn't taken time to think about what was next. He loved to fix things like Bells said, but there was more to fixing than the obvious. Bella shook her head at him.

He was ready for Charlie to leave. This conversation needed to wind down, so Jacob might discuss police stuff with Charlie another day when Bells wasn't so close by, "We are straight shooters, right?"

"Of course."

"Quil is an absolute dumbass."

Bella nudged him, "Jacob, you're the worst reference in history."

"No, hear me out. I mean when it comes to common sense and humor, he needs help, but as far as protecting human life, he takes that shit seriously. He would never fail you. So if you want Quil to work with you, I say give him a chance. Crime around Forks is fairly tame. I wonder how a bigger city would benefit from a guy like me?"

"You mean Quil, Jacob. I hate reading crime stories out of big cities. I'm glad Dad is in a fairly quiet community."

"Sure, sure, Quil. Anyway. Is that all? I mean do you have any more questions for me?"

Charlie rubbed his mustache. He looked between Bella and Jacob and then cleared his throat. "Actually, I came out here for another reason. I've been putting it off because I wasn't sure about it."

"What is it, Dad?"

Charlie stood up from the table and walked over to his jacket. As soon as he retrieved the item into the open air, Jacob smelled it, "Vampire! Where'd you get that?"

Charlie slowly approached an agitated Jacob. "Easy. It's just a letter, and I wasn't sure about the vampire part, but the writing's so fancy. It didn't seem human. Look. It's addressed to Bells and this cute little puppy sketch. I would have laughed if it didn't make me uneasy. It arrived at the house a few days ago, but I didn't know if I should give it to you or not. What if it's trouble?"

Bella reached for the envelope, Jacob tried to stop her. "It's just a letter. Relax, both of you. Let me see it." Bella traced the lines of the fancy script, "This is Rose's writing."

"Are you sure, kiddo?"

"Positive." She pointed to the dog drawing. "Honestly, Jacob. Of course, this is from Rose. She never used your name. It's fine, Dad. Rose helped the pack. We owe her. I'm sure she just wanted to check on me. Thanks for bringing the letter."

"Whew, that's a relief. Then I'll get going. Don't need to hit me over the head with a brick."

"I was going to whip up a dessert."

"No thanks," Charlie patted his stomach. "I need to watch the sweets, and I am pretty sure I interrupted something here tonight the way Jacob keeps giving me the stink eye and glancing at the door. Plus, we were drinking bubbly apple juice in the middle of the week." Bella frowned at Jacob. He didn't think he was so obvious. "I wasn't born yesterday and I guess it goes without saying you kids have my blessing. Have fun," he pointed at Jake, "but not too much. That's my baby girl."

Bella hugged her dad. She tried to hide her blush. Jacob normally would be laughing at the awkwardness, but all he could do was focus on that letter clutched in Bella's hand. Something wasn't right. If Bella opened that letter, he expected the night wouldn't end well.

As soon as Charlie was out of sight, Jacob asked for the letter.

"No, it's mine, but you can read over my shoulder," she giggled and patted his head. "The puppy does look like you, admit it. Rose is talented."

"Bella, please. I don't think this is funny, and I sure as hell don't think you should read anything from the Cullens. It could cause a setback."

"Nonsense. The bad Cullens are gone. This is Rose and Emmett, maybe Esme. I'm curious." Bella sat on the couch and patted the spot next her. Jacob had a seat while Bella opened the letter. She opened up a long page of script writing. He struggled to read some of it, but saw something about money.

"Oh, there's a trust. That's weird." Jacob growled. "But wait, she says it has nothing to do with Edward or Carlisle. It's some investments of hers and Emmett's. She wants me to use it for the future."

Money couldn't erase what Bella endured, but Jacob had to leave that decision up to her. If the money wasn't actual blood money, who was he to forbid Bella from using the money how she saw fit? Maybe Bells wanted to go to college or buy a car. He tried to find what happened to the old truck, but it was long gone. He couldn't find anything about the truck so that must have been the leech's doing.

He almost relaxed that Bells was right, and the letter didn't contain bad news. Most of the shit in there was harmless chitchat about Rose and her mate's travels, but Jacob and Bella made it to the end at the same time. _Other letter is for the mutt._

Jacob had no choice, but to let Bells read his small note that was folded deep inside the envelope, separate from the one she wrote to Bella.

 _Dear dog, I hope you moved past what was said before Edward's demise. I never got a chance to explain what Edward insisted to get inside your mind._

Bella turned to him, "Edward said something to you. You never told me that."

He never told her because he didn't think he had to. He tried to put the thoughts to rest, but seeing Rose's words proved the demon was still inside Jacob's mind. Bella started to read the words aloud.

" _Alice did see something in the future. I believe she said Bella aged which I thought was a good sign. Then she said Bella was overwrought, so tearful she couldn't speak and she stumbled before the vision went dark. Edward overreacted and made it about you. I remember correcting them; Alice couldn't see beyond the wolves. They drew their own conclusions if Alice saw her then you weren't around Bella anymore. It was far-fetched, dog. You know I was never a fan of yours, but just because Alice saw Bella in a sorrowful moment doesn't mean you imprinted and left her. Anyway, it was a despicable thing for him to say, but he was the lowest of the low. I don't believe him and neither should you. Be happy, healthy and take care of her. Rest assured if I find out you hurt her, I'll come back and kick your furry ass._

 _Yours truly, Blondie"_

Jacob swore the inside of the cabin got so quiet he heard Bella's tears stream down her cheeks like a raging river. His words stuck in his throat, so she spoke first.

"You imprint."

"No, fuck no, Bells."

"Edward said you do. Alice saw, and you hid the truth all these months. Why Jacob? How could you? We promised no lies between us."

"It wasn't a lie. I was protecting you. Didn't you read what Blondie said? It's bullshit. That's what she wrote in a roundabout way."

Bella shook her head. "No, you believe it. Don't you?"

"No. Of course, I don't. It was the tick's last word before I sent him straight to hell. I can't imprint. I won't. It's only you. You're all I see."

"Only because you haven't seen her yet. We both know I'm not your imprint."

"There's no goddamn imprint!"

"Liar. Don't you lie to me, Jacob Black. I know you. You brag about knowing me, but I know you just as well. You didn't tell me because you were protecting me. You didn't tell me because deep down you know it's true. You'll imprint and leave me. Then what? What the hell will happen to me? I can't believe this. I hate you for bringing me back from death only to rip my heart out. You're a cruel, bastard!" She screamed and flailed her arms, so Jacob wouldn't touch her. "And at this moment, I hate your guts for this worse than I hate Edward for raping me."

She didn't mean that. Bells was upset and rightly so. He hated himself for not coming clean. Jacob buried his face in his hands because he didn't know how to face her. As soon as he did, it would be confirmation she was right. He'd thought so much about the imprint these past months that it plagued his dreams. Some woman in white would often appear to try to tell him something, but Jacob would run as fast as he could away from her. She kept calling for him, but he refused to turn around no matter how much he was drawn to her. He never saw her face, but knew one thing for certain; it wasn't Bells.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **I never promised an easy road. It's called The Long Way Home for a reason. Sorry, I've been MIA. If I delay updating, just means my life is in turmoil. ;) Please give feedback if you have it. I'm extra needy these days. Love you all!**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**~Fanfic readers always picking on Bella. LOL! I understand, but she rarely gets the benefit of the doubt in wolf fic. It's funny. This story is already far from canon, but I'm about to play with history even more. One, because it challenges my imagination and two, because I can. Happy reading.**_

Chapter 20

Bella

Her throat tensed. Her tongue felt too big for her mouth. Bella was in the throes of a full-blown panic attack. What had she just said? Crazy stuff that wasn't exactly the truth, but her anger overwhelmed her to the point anything that popped into her mind came out of her mouth. Now she wasn't speaking, only gasping for breaths that barely allowed enough oxygen into her lungs.

Jacob came back with water and a paper bag. She obeyed his commands even though it'd serve him right if she refused his aid and died in his arms over the pain he was sure to cause her. God, she was dramatic, but this was her worst nightmare. If Bella was completely honest and someone asked her what her worst fear was before the newborn battle, she would have admitted Jacob imprinting and not caring about her was petrifying. It wasn't that they could all die. She didn't care how selfish it sounded even though she was back with Edward by the time she understood imprinting. Imagining Jacob taken from her by some unknown woman was a cruel joke. He was _her sun,_ and Bella didn't want him to shine for anyone else.

He'd proven himself these months and the thought of an imprint had faded, but that was her false hope. Those images should be clearer than ever now with the information he'd withheld. Bella lashed out at him but it wasn't his fault. When it happened, he wouldn't be able to help himself. Her rational brain retreated. None of that mattered. She was still mad as hell.

"Get away from me. I'm fine," she sipped the cool water which did nothing to calm her burning rage.

"Are you sure? You were choking or hyperventilating, maybe both."

"I'm fine except for the fact you will soon leave me all alone and I fall completely apart. What did Alice say? I was so overwrought I stumbled. Sounds pretty crippling."

"Sounds like a load of horse shit, you mean. You fucking know me like you said and I'd never walk away from you."

"You won't be able to stop." Bella reached for his shoulders which were squared off facing the wall. She gave him a little shake, "Look at me, Jacob." He'd avoided her eye contact since the huge bombshell in Rose's letter. He finally looked at her straight on. "It's true, isn't it? You'll imprint. Oh my God, have you already?"

"NO! What the hell, Bells? First, I'm going to drop you like garbage crumbled on the floor, and now I'm living a lie with you while I have an imaginary imprint on the side? Think for a second, honey. Remember what our lives have been like all these months. We're inseparable, completely in-sync with each other. Do these things mean anything to you?"

She hesitated while the memories flashed through her mind. Of course, they meant something. Their new life together was everything. He saved her from her miserable self. That is why the thought of losing Jacob was the most unbearable pain Bella had ever endured. Most people would imagine she'd suffered way worse, but she knew it wasn't true. Those minutes reading the letter shredded her soul. She felt incomplete now.

Her voice cracked, "Yes, of course, they do. I can't help it, I'm saying anything that comes into my mind. And I'm sorry. I don't hate you. I should have never mentioned _him_. That was a low blow. The truth is I love you so much, I can't imagine what it will be like to lose you."

"You won't. Please, honey. You need to believe me."

"Then why are you afraid? I can see it. Something has you spooked beyond Edward's callous last words."

"Bells…"

"No, tell me. If we are going to salvage anything from our relationship there has to be complete honesty."

Jacob said they were dreams. He changed the word to nightmares, but Bella hadn't noticed restless sleep from him in months. A woman was in his dreams. She called him by name and he was afraid.

"I keep running away."

"But that's not what scares you, is it?"

He shook his head. "I have this need to stay with her, like she's important."

"Do you have any idea who she is?"

"No."

"I sense a but…"

"She's Quileute."

"Of course, she is," Bella snapped at him again. A crazy pale face like her would never be his imprint especially after what Edward did to her. She was an outsider and damaged goods. The future chief of the Quileute Nation needed a proper mate.

"Bells, it's a fucking dream. It's not real."

"Are you in love with her?"

"What the fuck kind of question is that? No, I'm not. I don't know her; she is a figment of my imagination. I've never even seen her face."

"You want to."

He didn't answer her right away, "I don't know, maybe. I guess so. There's something about her- the way she says my name. It's haunting, but beautiful and I hurt every time I flee her."

"I have to get out of here." Bella stood up and grabbed Jacob's keys. He told her no that he would leave if she needed space. "No, I have something to do, but I appreciate you telling about the dreams. They mean something; I'm sure of it."

"Wait, Bells, please don't go. You're not thinking straight. It's almost ten. You haven't driven since…"

"I still know how to drive and me not thinking straight is my entire life."

"Fuck, woman. You're frustrating as hell. It's not about your ability to drive. Tell me where you need to go and let me take you then. Is it Charlie's? Do you want to go home tonight?"

"I thought this was my home. You were supposed to be my home for the rest of our lives."

"It is. I am."

"Please Jacob, I'm not stupid. You'll follow me when I leave, but at least let me pretend I'm on my own. Quit proving what a helpless stupid bitch I am."

"You aren't, but fine. Put your coat and shoes on. It's March and hardly warm enough for bare feet."

* * *

Bella hoped it wasn't too late, but a few things replayed through her mind. _He_ knew things. Why had she and Jacob never pressed him? Jacob normally played it off as senility, but Bella thought it was something else. Maybe Jake was afraid for Bella to ask questions just in case the subject of imprinting came up.

She parked the Rabbit in front of the house and was relieved a light was on in the living room. She got out of the car and took the few steps to get to the front door. Her hand was raised to knock when the door swung open.

"Child, it's late and you're alone."

"Yes, sir. I have some questions."

"Of course, I've been waiting for this day. Come inside. Ask the questions. I have all the answers you seek."

She didn't know if they were good or bad answers, but Bella had learned to trust Old Quil. This was how she would find out if Jacob was truly hers or if she had to let him go.

Bella didn't mince words. She didn't even wait for the old man to shuffle back to his favorite chair. "Jacob has an imprint, and it's not me."

He made a few straining noises as he bent over and fell back into the recliner. Old Quil looked at Bella, shook his head then he chuckled. She couldn't imagine what was humorous about her declaration. He must not have heard her right.

"No, I'm serious. I have questions about Jacob's imprintee."

Old Quil laughed harder, "What imprint? Young Jacob never imprinted. Believe me, I know what happened with my grandson. He was messed up for weeks. It took a long time for him to gain acceptance and understand little Claire needs him. He is her protector. Her family has issues, you know. This hasn't happened to Jacob, or we'd all know."

Bella knew little about Quil's imprint. It was so strange to her at first, but Quil was like a surrogate father now. Claire's mother had to get a restraining order against Claire's father and Quil had threatened his life about leaving the family alone. Other than that, Bella didn't ask many questions since she had enough trouble keeping her own life balanced.

She needed to clear up what she meant, "There's more to the story. I just found out that Edward spoke to Jacob before his demise. He said Jake will leave me for an imprint. They had a seer, Alice Cullen. I'm sure you heard about her. She saw me upset and alone."

"What did Jacob say?"

"He said it's bullshit and will never happen. But he's distressed when he talks about it."

"So you believe this cold one that brutalized your fragile human body and soul over Jacob, the most noble and powerful Quileute warrior since Taha Aki?"

His words took her breath a second. Bella had never heard Jacob described that way. She stuttered, "It… it's not about believing."

"It's not?"

"No. I believe Jacob means he doesn't want to and will do everything in his power to fight it, but you've seen the others. Fighting the imprint is impossible."

"Search your feelings, Bella. You have to release that hold the cold one has on you. We're nearing the end of the cleansing, but you are still giving him power over your life."

Bella shivered. She heard something evil speak words to her, and she waved her hands over her ears to make the voice cease. She turned around to see no one was there. "I've already let so much go."

"Yes, you have, but not everything. I need you to do that for me right now so I can tell you the real story. Get the incense, stoke up the fire, and put on the tea that we use for the ritual. You and I are about to embark on a journey together."

Bella did as Old Quil asked. The entire time she prepared the tea, the imaginary voice haunted her. She wasn't sure what it whispered. She shook her head and there was silence again. The voice wasn't real. A reflection out the window caught her eye. _He_ was there. She knew that all along. Bella quickly looked away from Jacob's wolf at the edge of the woods. She had to do this alone not with him by her side. If Jacob was bound to leave her, Bella had to learn to survive without him or she might as well give up that second.

Bella handed Old Quil his tea before having a seat on the sofa. He retrieved a flask from the small table between them and poured a generous portion into his cup. "Here, you too. This time you need a little extra than herbs."

He poured a heaping amount into her mug. The pungent scent warmed her nostrils when she brought the tea to her lips. She wasn't a drinker, and wasn't sure what he'd just added to her tea, but she should pace herself.

"First off, I owe you an apology."

"What? No, you don't. You've been incredibly generous and helpful. Jacob and I appreciate everything you've done for us."

"Well, I must confess, I doubted. Age hasn't been the best to me and a few years ago, I wasn't doing so well health wise. It was too strenuous to interfere, and I'd let my grief harden my heart, so I never attempted to get you away from the clutches of the coven. I believed if they attracted you so easily, then everything Sarah once told me was in her imagination. You were not _the one_."

"Sarah? Jacob's mother said something about me? Why? I was under the impression I barely knew her; I certainly don't remember her. I remember so little about Forks during my childhood."

"That's what we're going to change. Our memories never leave us. You have to know where to retrieve them and you knew Sarah Black well. She watched you all the time. You loved her dearly and her, you."

"I'm sorry. I think you're mistaken. My father would have said so if that was the case or Billy would have mentioned it."

He asked her why Jacob didn't tell her what Edward said and she rolled her eyes with the word protecting. "Yes, sometimes we protect the ones we love the only way we know how and sometimes we go about it the wrong way. Charlie and Billy protected their children how they thought was best. I cautioned them when you came back; you and Jacob deserved the truth."

Bella was so confused. She came to Old Quil for answers, but he talked in circles. Jacob warned her about the old man's confusion and wild imagination. He seemed fine earlier in the day.

"How much do you remember about your parents' divorce?"

"Um, nothing. I was a baby. Mom took me to California. I saw Dad when he could get away which wasn't much."

"No, not the story you were told. Search your memories, Isabella. Think. Take another sip of tea. Your mind is powerful; it's your confidence that's weak."

"Are you saying I was lied to by my parents?"

"Only you can know for sure. Close your eyes and visualize Charlie Swan's home, the Black's place, First Beach, La Push, Forks, Washington state. Think about the places you know. Let the feelings flow, stop fighting it even if you're afraid. There's pain ahead. I won't lie, but you're a survivor. You're strong enough."

Bella closed her eyes and let the words sink in. Old Quil was a wise man; she trusted her instincts. He wasn't crazy at all. She'd sensed his intuitive nature many times. After a few minutes of concentration, she felt as if she'd risen from her seat and floated into the air without stopping. Her mind wandered and her spirit hovered. Brief snapshots in time flashed before her. Some filled her with love, others panic, one horror, so she settled with the first one.

The room was blurry at first, but then it slowly became clearer. There was a woman. _Mother_. Not hers, it was Jacob's mother. Sarah was on the floor playing with two children, one baby boy and a little girl. The little girl turned her head and Bella gasped. She was staring into big brown eyes of a girl not more than three or four-years-old. It was her young self. Bella was reliving a memory.

Old Quil cautioned her to keep her mind open. He said her mind closes easily. She had no idea how he knew what she was seeing, but she tried her best to stay in that room at the Black's. Sarah stood up to answer a ringing telephone. Bella stayed focus on the tiny children.

She smiled. Jacob was always beautiful. Baby Jacob was blessed with tons of black hair that was already growing down the back of his neck and the same bright grin he had to this day. They were so happy and content. Tiny Bella jabbered on nonstop. Gosh, she was bossy to him. They had toys in between them on the floor. It looked like a wooden building set. Some pieces were painted bright colors. The girl was building a tower and occasionally Jacob would wave his arms like he wanted to knock it down. The little girl wiggled her fingers in front of him and he stopped. Wow, Bella wished Jacob was still that obedient. She laughed out loud but didn't open her eyes. She couldn't lose this vision. Something told her it was important even though it seemed like simple playtime.

Sarah walked the phone around the corner to continue her conversation. Bella studied the children more intently. Jacob handed Bella a blue block. She shook her head and waved her hand again in front of his face again.

For some reason, the grown Bella whispered a word out loud, "Yellow, give her the yellow piece."

Little Bella wanted the yellow one, and it was crazy she knew that. That is when the scene got freaky. She heard the little girl say, "yellow" in her mind. Her lips didn't move. Bella was sure she heard her, but she wasn't the only one. He heard her too. Jacob handed the yellow block to her. There were more thoughts between the children. It was a simple conversation, but neither one opened their mouths. Jacob had to be a little over a year old so he probably didn't know many words, but he knew everything Bella said to him. They understood each other, but how?

Was she losing her mind? They weren't talking, but the communication was evident. Bella glanced to the corner of the room to see Sarah's intense gaze at the children. She witnessed the same thing. The phone crashing to the floor snapped her out of it, and Bella was transported back to the room with Old Quil in an instant.

"See anything important?"

"Yes, but I'm not sure that it was real." Surely, Old Quil hadn't given Bella a hallucinogenic.

"It was. Trust me, child. Sarah brought the two of you here plenty of times, so I could observe. I didn't want to believe it either and I'm supposed to be a spiritual leader for the tribe. We were both mesmerized and confused."

Bella realized something important that moment. "I can't do this…"

"Of course, you can. You're doing it."

"No, I mean. I thought I had to hear this stuff on my own, but I need Jacob. I have to get him. This is about him too. He needs to be here with me."

"Oh, yes, well, I'm sure you know how to find him quickly."

"Of course, I do. He's a few feet away in the woods. Hold on. I need to put some more tea on. This might take all night."

* * *

Jacob had a seat. He looked tentatively at Bella and Old Quil. Bella passed the tea she made for Jacob over to Mr. Quil. He emptied the flask in Jacob's mug.

"Hold on. That was a waste. Alcohol doesn't affect me."

"Drink boy and pay attention."

Jacob took a huge swallow and gagged immediately. He coughed and carried on before asking Bella how the hell she was drinking that. She shrugged. It was strong, but she'd been taking the slightest sips and it warmed her from the inside out.

"That's not booze. You're giving us jet fuel. What is that shit?"

"Never mind, secret family recipe. Bella needs you to focus with her. I'll tell you what I told her. Her mind is powerful, more so than any of us can understand, but Isabella has let fear consume her. She will block you easily, so you have to gain her full trust."

Bella wondered how she could show these things to Jacob if she battled with that exact thing. Trust. She was still afraid he'd leave her.

"Bells, I'm not sure what he's been filling your mind with, but if it's not that imprinting is rare, you probably need to ignore it. Quil will be here soon since his patrol is over. Let's go home and maybe revisit this tomorrow."

"Quil won't be home tonight. He's at Claire's. Her mama was upset about something. Just read his text while Bella was letting you inside. And you know as well as I do, we're all wide awake right now. You have to face the pain just like she does. I'm sorry, but it happened to both of you and it's the only way you'll move on and be happy. Together."

Old Quil looked at Bella, "That's right. I said together because you and Jacob won't separate. Nothing will tear you apart. There is no imprint."

"I love you Mr. Quil and I trust you, but you don't know the future."

"True, but I know history and Jacob can't imprint because he already has something bigger. He has it with you. There's not a word for it. I can't explain it with a legend or folklore. Believe me, I tried. Sarah and I combed through the history books and the archives. But that doesn't make it any less real. Show him. Take Jacob's hands, close your eyes and show him how you were as children."

Bella wasn't even sure how she saw that scene earlier. She had no idea how to explain it to Jacob without sounding crazy. There was her self-doubt again.

"Isabella Marie Swan! Enough. Drop the covering inside your mind. Let Jacob see. You never lost the ability to show him; no one else shares your mind. I promise. It's only between the two of you since the beginning."

Bella spoke to him first, "Jacob, I'm not sure why, but our parents covered up how close we were as children. That was the first thing I found out when I got here tonight. Remember when we talked about our childhoods? We both said things were so fuzzy and we barely remembered being small."

"Yeah, but it could be normal. Memories fade. I wanted to remember my mom better, and I tried so hard many times, but I just couldn't."

"I know, but you were nine. You should remember more. I was even older, so there's no reason except we both blocked it on purpose to spare ourselves."

"What are you talking about Bells?"

Bella remembered the flashes of memories that played like a fast-forwarded movie when she settled on that memory of playing blocks with Jacob. It was just a millisecond glance, but she knew there was no way it hadn't happened. She could have never invented that scenario.

"I was there, Jake. So were you. We were witnesses," she felt warm tears stream down her cheeks. This was going to hurt him so bad because it was already shredding her.

"Witnesses to what?"

"To Sarah's death. We saw it happen and I'm so sorry, Jake. I have to take you back there with me."

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **Plot twist.**_

 _ **More to come soon. I'm trying to get all my ideas down as this story is winding down in my head, but there's still plenty more to come.**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**~Sorry, this took long to update. Read the previous chapter if you need a refresher.**_

Chapter 21

Bella

Jacob scooted closer until his legs merged with Bella's. For a second, she forgot Old Quil was still there. It felt like they were the only two people in the world. He held both her hands in his large hand and used the other one to wipe off the tears from her eyes. He was catching her tears again. Bella wasn't sure if the realization had sunk in because he was too calm.

"Honey, I think you're confused and who can blame you after this damn moonshine. Even I was tossed a few minutes."

She showed him her cup, "No, it's not that. I barely drank any of the tea. I remembered. as soon as Mr. Quil convinced me I could, I did. We were there."

"Mom had a wreck. I think she had a blowout and lost control. I remember Dad coming over here because I spent the night with Quil and he told me. You lived with Renee then and I don't ever remember you visiting during that time frame. I remember you a couple times, but we were much younger. Wait."

"Do you remember something else?"

"Yeah, it's just I'm not sure I truly remembered until I saw a picture of us on the beach. Dad got sad about it and said it was the last time you could visit. I think I was five."

So strange Billy deliberately altered the truth. Bella still didn't understand that part. She tried to help Jacob understand, "Not all my childhood is a blur. I've always known Mom was a flake, but tonight I specifically remember fights between her and my grandmother, long car trips, blow-ups with Dad, and weird guys in and out of her life. And you, Jake. I remember you way more than before."

Confusion replaced concern on Jacob's face. Old Quil spoke up, "She's right. I don't mean to speak ill of Renee, but she and Charlie were a mess. It went on for years after their divorce. Why do you think that man stayed single so long? He held out hope for years his family would get back together."

"I used to think my father was a strange man because of stuff my mother told me, but I it didn't add up after living with him. I guess Dad protected her. He didn't want me to blame Mom."

"That's only part of it, but one thing was for certain. Sarah didn't approve of all the back and forth, so she offered to watch you whenever you were here. She wanted to give you some stability and of course, she knew the two of you needed each other. Young Jacob went through a terrible stage after you left every time."

Sarah asked Old Quil if a pre-phase imprint was possible because it was the only thing that almost made sense. He had no reason to believe the new generation would even phase. It hadn't happened since his grandfather's time and nothing in the tribe's history described what occurred between Jacob and Bella.

Jacob questioned him, "Maybe that's it. All this time we worried about an imprint for no reason; Bells is already my imprint."

"If that's what you need to call it, but trust me, it's more."

Bella felt like he was leaving out information, "How do you know that for sure because we communicated as children telepathically?"

Jacob's face twisted, "I'm sorry, what did we do?"

"In a minute. I'll show you if I can."

"You can. The bond hasn't lessened; it's grown. You two are each other's life blood and I have proof you're more than an imprint." Old Quil asked them to keep what he was about to tell them private and they agreed. "Sam visited just after the new year. Emily had witnessed the healing on Bella's skin, and she was inspired." Did that mean Sam's blood could heal Emily's scars? Bella hadn't thought of that, but she was fascinated at the prospect.

"Oh, well, we just saw them, she looked the same. Did they decide to wait? I can see Emily being nervous. It's her face."

Old Quil's solemn explanation made it all too clear, "We tried. Sue and I experimented with the smallest scar at the bottom. We waited but there was no change. She and Sam took the outcome hard."

Jacob recalled a few weeks of Sam saying Emily was ill. The truth was Bella and Jacob saw them the week before but that was the first time since the holidays. "That's too bad, but maybe it's different because I have bites. That still doesn't prove Jacob and I are better."

"It proves you're different. We cannot only assume what has taken place so far is the healing properties found in a wolf's blood. Sam's blood did nothing to heal Emily, his imprint."

Bella wished only good things for all the other members of the pack, and that sucked from Sam and Emily, but euphoria settled over her. It was true. Everything Old Quil said; she believed it. They were more. She and Jacob had always been more. There was no other explanation for that instant connection she felt with Jacob despite being under Edward's spell. Bella trusted him with her secrets, he knew her heart, listened to her mind without her speaking a word. She fell apart when she left him after the newborn battle and couldn't forget him even as she married another. Jacob was hers and she'd come so close to losing him forever not because of some random woman, but because of her self-doubt and lack of faith.

"Jake, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I should have trusted you. You said you only saw me, and I pushed you away. Please forgive me."

Jacob pressed his head against hers, "There's nothing to forgive. I didn't know either, Bells. I just knew I loved you so much, it hurt."

"Show him, Isabella."

Bella held Jacob's hands. "Close your eyes with me. Open your mind and I promise to let you in."

* * *

Warmth consumed her. Bella made it to that hovering state again. This time, she wasn't alone. A soft whisper tickled her neck, "Hey."

"Hey back. Do you see it?"

"I see you… all of you, and you're more beautiful than I realized. Old Quil isn't in here with us, is he?"

She giggled, "No, only if we lose our concentration then we'll be back with him."

"Good, this seems private. Show me, Bells, only the good stuff first, please. Show us when we were children."

Bella took him back to the Black's living room floor to observe the playing children, she moved forward so they could experience fun times at the beach, trips to the park and ice cream cones with Sarah. There were family dinners, sleeping bags on the floor, and Bella reading books to a young Jacob. Those were the good times when they were together, and they were happy.

She had to show the first of many bad scenes when Renee gave up on ever settling on Forks, Washington. Charlie begged her not to leave. Billy and Sarah sat down with the couple and offered solutions. If Renee truly had to get away for a while, Bella was welcome to stay with them. By that time, Sarah knew there was an intense connection between the two children. She and Old Quil observed them many times. Billy tried to downplay it since he'd never heard of such a thing, and Old Quil couldn't find proof it existed in any other generation.

"They're kids, Sarah, kids that get along and are so close, they're practically family." He tried to warn her the twins were jealous of Bella the way she favored her, but Rebecca and Rachel were more like their father. They were adventurous and loved to be surrounded by friends. It seemed to Bella like they were always off doing something. Maybe that's why Rachel never acted like she knew much about Bella or liked her early on. She and Jacob were like Sarah. They were homebodies, happy being in the garden together or on the beach away from the crowds. He was way friendlier than Bella but always followed her lead. Jacob could sense when she was overwhelmed or out of her element.

Bella showed how the young Jacob would hold her hand and tell her everything's okay whenever she was afraid. But things weren't always okay. Renee was insulted they thought she'd leave her only child behind. She left Charlie which meant Bella left Jacob. The kids were devastated. Sarah took Jacob to a doctor because he made himself sick, but then Renee came back. And then she left again only to arrive on Charlie's doorstep time and time again. Sometimes, she'd go to Sarah first and ask her to watch Bella for a day or two while she worked on things with Charlie. He always took her back. It wasn't healthy for anyone involved, but Sarah knew Jacob needed Bella, so she hoped each new return would be a permanent one.

There was eventually a long stretch of time Renee and Bella stayed gone when the kids were nine and eleven. Charlie faced the reality it was over for good. They'd been divorced for years, but he always had hope before. He resolved his family was no more until one day Renee appeared claiming she needed a break from her mother, from an ex that had done a number on her, and from being a single mom. Charlie accepted he and Renee were over, but he made up his mind he was done kissing Bells goodbye for months without a word. The grownups didn't know the kids were listening while a plan was being discussed. Charlie was serious this time. He was tired of letting Renee call all the shots, so he hired a lawyer.

A couple of kids huddled behind a chair as the discussion went on for hours. The little boy wiped a tear from the little girl's cheek. They spoke to one another but no words were said, "You're staying forever now, Bells. With me."

* * *

Jacob squeezed Bella's hands and asked her gently, "Can we stop for a second?" They opened their eyes to see Old Quil snoring softly in his chair. "I feel it. Something bad is about to happen, so bad you and I both buried the truth as if it never existed. It's late. The old man's asleep. Let's go home. I'll leave him a note and send Quil a text to come home and check on him."

Bella nodded. She grabbed his hand and followed him outside to the Rabbit. Neither spoke another word on the way back to the cabin. The next memory she'd share was the last day they'd spend together as children which began a six-year separation and changed the entire course of their lives. There was one other thing Bella would have to do before Jacob understood everything. She had to take him to back to that night on her honeymoon when Edward said something to her. She repressed the memory of the confession until the moment Old Quil made her believe in her abilities. Jacob asked to see the happy times first; she felt closer to him than ever. Bella never wanted him to see what happened to her. Now that they'd unlocked their full connection, he would experience everything with her. She couldn't hide from it and neither could Jacob. He'd know, see with his own eyes, witness her torture and feel her shame.

Old Quil said they were _more_ , but were they enough to get past all those horrors?

 _ **~Thanks for reading**_

 _ **I'd love to hear what everyone is thinking.**_

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 _ **In other writing news, I'm about to publish my fourth novel on Amazon and I have a select number of ARCs (advanced copies) available. If anyone reads my original content or wants to read and is interested, please PM for details.**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**What!?**_ _ **This is real. I'm updating and continuing this fic. I'm sorry it's been so long. I won't bore you with my personal struggles. I truly want to complete this one. No promises on the others. We will see. If you've forgotten this little fic, you might want to go back and skim it once again. It's a fairly light read, almost all fluff. Oh wait, it's not. LOL!**_

 _ **The Long Way Home continues...**_

Chapter 22

Bella twisted her hands in her lap all the way back to the cabin. She didn't speak or look Jacob in the eyes even when they came inside and got ready for bed. He longed to share her mind again. It was so powerful to be like that with Bells even though he already had something similar with his brothers and Leah. This was different. He and Bells were unique, beyond imprinted.

Her thoughts and memories were not all pleasant and sweet; there was darkness there. Bella still hid her worst from Jacob even though he thought they finally buried the leech for good.

They laid in bed with Bella's back to Jacob. He reached out and tapped her shoulder. "Honey, you can show me anything. Think of all that we've been through together. Let me help you. I know you've already seen, and it's tearing you up inside."

Without turning over Bella reached up and squeezed his hands. He heard her thoughts, _I need to sleep first but I'll wake you soon._

Bella slept. Jacob did not. The only peace he felt all night was that he knew she was safe next to him. The visions drained all her strength, so he was determined to lie there as long as she needed him to be patient. Why had their dads lied to them? It didn't make sense. Being so connected with Bella felt completely normal, but knowing the truth was hidden and buried all these years started a fury within him. Old Quil acted like there was an explanation for everything, but Jacob didn't see how he could ever forgive Charlie or his father. Maybe it was Renee, but they went along with it.

He couldn't stop saying _what if?_ He doubted Edward would have ever come between them. Bella wouldn't have suffered so much damage. Now they were both damaged. Sure, healing had taken place, but it didn't take much to send her back to the dark place. And Jacob always followed her. He was there every time.

They weren't normal.

Jacob worked a little to get by, but mostly they just stayed in the little cabin in the woods. He used to be social. Their friends tried to include them, but everyone accepted Jacob and Bella did little with the entire group. It overwhelmed her, and he realized whatever Bells felt, he felt. This final revelation could be exactly what they needed to move forward and start living again. He was ready no matter how painful the truth was. It was about his mother. That much he knew. Bella was afraid for him to see, but Sarah Black was dead. How much worse could it be? There was no way to get her back. The events around her death had been slightly altered, but the result was still the same for Jacob.

Just before the dawn, Bella's breathing changed, and she started to move. When she finally whimpered, he took her hand hoping to calm the distress the nightmares brought. She opened her eyes to his. "Sorry, I got restless and woke you."

That wasn't true, but he didn't tell her that. "It's fine. Go back to sleep, Bells."

"No, if we're both awake, maybe I should show you the rest. I think it will be easier in the dark."

"Whatever is easiest, honey."

"It won't be easy, Jake."

"Okay. Take your time."

Bella curled into him. She didn't say anything else and soon he was mimicking her breath. He even concentrated to match his heart rate to hers. They were totally in sync. That's when the vision started.

* * *

Two young children hid in Jacob's tiny closet while Sarah and Renee argued. Bella's mom sounded crazy. Jacob's mom tried to calm her down.

"I don't know who you think you are. I appreciate you for watching Bella all these times, but I'm done. These past weeks were one disappointment after the other. Bella and I are going back to California—permanently."

"Okay, Renee. If you say so. I'm sorry you're so upset, but Bella needs to stay put until Charlie gets back. I made a promise to him. Maybe you need to take a few days for yourself, calm down and figure out a plan."

"Stop patronizing me, woman. I have custody. I'll call Charlie later. He knew Bella's visit was temporary. Where is she? Bella! Bella, sweetheart. Mommy's here. We've got to get going. We'll even find a McDonald's on the way, and I'll let you get the happy meal this time. You can have an ice cream cone too if you promise not to make a mess. A chocolate-dipped one. Today is your lucky day. Bella!"

Bella squeezed Jacob's hand tighter as they listened to the heavy footsteps all over the house. She was opening every door and slamming it when each room turned up empty for her daughter. She was sure to find them any second and then he'd lose Bells forever. Jacob didn't want to act like a baby, but he couldn't stop the tears from falling.

The voices got closer. Renee was in his room. This was it until Sarah shouted, "Get away from that door or else! I said no. You will not take that child from my house until her father arrives."

"Who are you on the phone with? What do you intend to do with that broom? Is it cleaning time for the little housewife?"

Sarah spoke loud and clear, "Yeah, I'm here. Send someone quick. I have a trespasser. A crazy woman. She might be on drugs. I'm going to have to strike her if she doesn't leave. Please, send Chief Swan. There's been an attempted kidnapping on his daughter."

"Why you filthy liar. She's lying! I'm her mother. I'm not a kidnapper." Jacob and Bella heard a struggle. He was about to open the door to see if his mother needed help when without warning, the closet was flooded in light.

"Come out, kids. It's okay. She left. But she'll be back. I'm sure of it. We need to leave."

Bella was shaking with fear, "Are the police coming? Where's Dad?"

"No, I was bluffing, and thankfully, it worked. Come on, grab your shoes; you can put them on in the car. We're going straight to Charlie." Bella eyed the broom still in Sarah's hand. She dropped the object, opened her arms, and hugged the little girl against her body. "I wouldn't have hurt her, Bella. It's just sometimes adults stop being rational when they're upset. Renee's upset right now, and I didn't want you to go with her until she's had time to calm down. She loves you very much, you know that, right? So does Charlie. We love you too, all of us, especially Jacob. You're a lucky little girl to have so many people that care about you."

Bella calmed down some when Jacob promised everything was going to be alright in her thoughts. The trio rushed to get outside and into Sarah's car. Once Jacob and Bella were secured in the back, Sarah left the driveway and the reservation as quickly as she could. She talked to herself a few times about slowing down since the kids were with her and voiced her frustration over how she wished Billy would have been home today. The kids stayed quiet, so they wouldn't be a distraction. Bella felt her heart racing like she'd been running a race. Jacob grabbed her hand again. He'd been pretty upset too, but now heading toward Forks, the two started to calm down because they were still together and hopefully Charlie would make sure that would always be the case.

* * *

The vision abruptly ended, "I can stop. Are you hungry because a big breakfast sounds good?"

Jacob shook his head. "No, thanks. I don't think I can eat. She's driving toward her death, isn't she Bells? I knew you were leading up to this, it's just... I wish I could say something. Scream at her to stop the car, anything to change it."

Bella threaded her fingers with Jacob's. "I'm so sorry. That's understandable. I don't want you to see, but it's important. I just pray when you know everything, you can still face me."

He cupped her face in his hands. "Of course. This is my favorite face on earth. We were little kids. It's not your fault. I can't remember everything, but it's not even Renee's fault. Like Mom said, people aren't rational when they're upset. She was upset too and probably drove too fast. It was a tragic accident."

"Jake, it was tragic, yes, but what you don't understand is it wasn't an accident. Sarah was murdered and I'm the reason."

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **You guys. If you still care about reading my fanfics, I adore you. I always had a plan for this story. It's just been a crazy time in my head lately and that never benefits my muse. Let me know if you're still with me. I love hearing from everyone. **hugs****_


	23. Chapter 23

_**Trying to keep my promises. Here's another update. This one has some emotional, possibly triggering scenes so you've been warned. FYI, the author cried while writing this one.**_

 _ ****Copyright disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all recognizable characters.****_

Chapter 23

 _Bella_

It took Jacob a while to stop shaking. At first, he considered going for a run, but Bella shouldn't be left alone. She'd already seen everything and was suffering with the images. She was confused. She had to be. Maybe some of these so-called visions were mingled with dreams and nightmares. He couldn't figure it out. If his mother was murdered, then that meant most of his childhood was built on lies. It wasn't a little white lie that some parents told their kids when they're too young to comprehend the truth. This was the type of lie that ripped apart one's soul when the truth was revealed. Jacob trusted Bella, but he didn't want to believe what she'd just said.

"It's okay, Bells. You need to tell me the rest. I'm ready. That's why I've been dreaming about her, but I didn't realize it was her at first. I was afraid and kept running away in my dreams, petrified to tell you before that letter came."

She nodded. "I'm sure you were. If you'd told me about the dreams at any point, I would've assumed the absolute worse. I mean, I did until Old Quil set me straight and confirmed you don't have a mysterious imprint out there." Jacob explained he was so afraid the dream woman was a threat to them. Bella added she thought he was seeing Sarah for closure. "Maybe you've never truly had it since you didn't have the whole truth. What worries me is you might never be able to move past it after I tell you this. This could be a major setback for both of us."

"Just like you still don't have closure over what happened on the island. We've come so far but not far enough. But here we are. We're surviving, Bells and we will continue just the same even after I know what happened that day."

Bella rested her forehead against Jacob's. "Stay with me. This is the last time I want to go back. From here on out, I only want to look ahead."

He wrapped his strong arms around, tilted her head upward, and placed a kiss on her right cheek.

* * *

Jacob and Bella were in the backseat, but only for a minute. The rest of the scenes played out so fast, he struggled to understand what he was seeing. There was a smashed car on the side of the road and lots of screaming, but it wasn't them. Sarah didn't crash. They came to a halt across the road from Renee's car. From the marks on the pavement, it looked like she'd spun in circles before careening into a tree. His mom told the kids to stay in the car.

"Mom! Is she okay? Oh no, look at her car, Jake. It's all smashed."

Renee's car was totaled, the horn blared, and there was no movement coming from inside the car. Sarah crossed the road to check on Bella's mom. The whole time she was gone, Bella screamed and cried. She kept trying to leave, but Jacob held onto her arm. "Don't, Bells. Mom said for us to wait."

Minutes passed before Sarah came back. "Listen to me. Rene's unconscious, but her pulse is strong, and her breathing seems to be okay. I don't see any severe bleeding, but her leg is wedged under the dash and I'm afraid to move her. I need to find help. Now I wish I would've let your father buy me that damn cell phone last year, but I didn't think we could afford it. This stretch of highway doesn't get much traffic this time of day. I need to drive us to a house and call for an ambulance."

Sarah was buckling her seatbelt when Bella argued, "We can't just leave her."

"I don't want to, sweetie, but I have no other choice."

"I'll stay. She shouldn't be alone. If she wakes up, she'll be so scared. Mom hates being alone. That's why she came after me today."

"Bella, I'm sorry. I can't let you do that. I promise I'll get to someone fast. There's a man that fishes with Billy sometimes. I think his place is barely two miles from here." Sarah put the car in gear, but Bella wouldn't listen to reason. She jerked away from Jacob and threw herself out of the moving car just as they tried to get back on the road.

He screamed for Sarah to stop. Bella darted across the highway, but for some reason she stopped before she made it to her mother. Both Jacob and Sarah saw a speeding car in the distance. A foreboding feeling washed over him. This car was going too fast. It was out of place to the region, too expensive and extravagant for the res or Forks, and Jacob knew without a doubt there was no way for it to stop completely before reaching Bells.

His mother didn't hesitate another second. She fled her car and Jacob in a rush to save Bells. The black sports car didn't hit the brakes until after the impact. That's when the vision switched to Bella's perspective. Jacob was no longer a firsthand observer. He was only in Bella's mind. She was frozen with fear with a car coming straight at her. All she could do was stare into the eyes of the driver like she'd been hypnotized. She felt like the air was being sucked out of her lungs, shrill noises pierced her eardrums, and she was sure that she was already dead even though she never felt pain from being run over.

Then the world shifted once more. She and Jacob saw the reality of the event in slow motion. Sarah Black flew through the air and landed near Bella who was curled in the fetal position on the side of the highway. Blood pooled around his mother's lifeless body. Bella's head raised off the hard ground toward screeching tires, and she was drawn to those eyes once more before the assailant disappeared in the blink of an eye.

She tried to scream and cry, but no sounds came out. There was only stillness and sky above her. She didn't know where her mother was or how bad Sarah was hurt. She tried to scream for Jacob. He didn't hear her. No one did.

Bella felt lost, alone, and in limbo between life and death. Because she was. She wasn't a little girl anymore, but no less confused and frightened about what was happening to her.

Their vision transformed into a vacant white background. Jacob felt like they were in a box being suffocated. Bella was no longer on the side of a road between the reservation and Forks. She was flat on her back staring into a void before Jacob realized the actual truth. Bells was experiencing the worst pain she'd ever endured, and he was feeling every bit of it.

Pure torture, worse than death, and all-consuming fear.

Those same eyes from the Sarah's hit and run were staring back at her while Edward Cullen raped her. He was there that day. He killed Jacob's mother, and he was attempting to kill Bella on their honeymoon as well as steal her very soul in the process. Jacob felt her horror those brief seconds, and he could feel her spirit attempting to leave her body, so she wouldn't have to endure anymore abuse. But then she showed him her only solace at the worst moment in her life. Two children were holding hands on the beach. He couldn't see their faces, but they were familiar. He felt their joy for a split second instead of all the pain. Jacob held her to this earth; she couldn't leave him at least not yet. Not ever, but she had no idea how to overcome what was happening to her or know for certain Jacob could ever love her again.

After the disgusting demon finished, Bella's weak voice managed to say the words through her sobs, "It... it was you. I remembered your eyes. The soulless eyes of a monster."

"Don't say such things. I know you don't believe that. I warned you it would be rough while you're human, but you never listen. We're one now like you always wanted. I'm different than the majority of my kind. My family's different. You're one of us. You were always mine, Isabella. Alice saw you long before we properly met. I was primed to grab you when I saw the chance on that lonely road even though Carlisle said I had to wait. You were my singer. You have no idea how rare that is, love. The rest wasn't planned. I'm sorry for what happened, but then again, that woman was going to ruin all our plans. I read her thoughts. I'd seen the three of you before, so I knew everything."

* * *

The entire vision went black. Bella spared Jacob the rest that happened on the honeymoon. That was just the beginning of the hell Edward trapped her inside for weeks. Jacob couldn't move or think when the vision ceased. The connection between them continued. The two of them held each other for a long time in silence while they shared all the emotions Sarah's death and Bella's rape caused.

Bella finally sat up, so she could see his reaction. Her head shook slowly. "It was all because of me. I remembered that horrible moment on my honeymoon when Edward took Sarah from us, and I wanted to die. But when I woke up with you at the Cullen's, all the memories of our childhood and that conversation with him were gone again. My mind was too sick to remember and there was that little problem I kept trying to will myself dead. I didn't know until yesterday what happened. Jacob, I was Edward's target all those years ago, and he murdered Sarah because she was trying to protect our connection."

Jacob wished like so many other times these past months that it was possible to kill the leech again, but it wasn't. He missed his mother so much at this moment, possibly more than he ever had. She was a wonderful woman and even though he couldn't remember all those dreams just yet, he imagined she was trying to tell him she was okay and to be happy with Bella. She did not die in vain. Bella was still with Jake because of her. He couldn't dare think of the alternative if Edward had stolen Bells on the side of the road when she a little girl.

Bella told him the rest as she remembered it. Renee had a concussion, so she didn't remember much about that fateful day. When Bella came around weeks later, they were back in California and she told Bella they had an accident. She left out the part about spinning out of control because Sarah Black was dead in the road. That's what the investigators told them must have happened. Renee believed them because she never remembered her argument or fleeing when she couldn't get Bella. Charlie had no idea who had committed the hit and run. The investigation never turned up a single lead. Both Bella and Jacob were in a trance-like state for days, so the adults all decided it was too traumatic for them to remember. They vowed never to tell them truth if the kids didn't recall the events that day. The cover story was concocted and neither Bella nor Jacob ever questioned it. A false reality was established, and that's one of the reasons Charlie backed off a custody battle. He worried if Bella stayed in Forks at the time, she might suffer ill-effects.

"Wait, Bells. How do you know all this stuff?"

"I called Mom last night when you were in the shower. She was so ecstatic I reached out, that I promised her she could visit, but only if she told me the truth about us moving away from Forks because I was having new memories that were confusing. And she spilled everything she knew. Mom's the world's worst secret keeper and she said this has torn her apart since it happened. Of course, none of them ever had a clue it was Edward. They all thought we saw a horrible accident and were so scarred that we buried it.

"That's partially true, but maybe if they'd told us the truth, things could have been different. You suffered so much. I knew you did, but this time I felt it, Bells. I took on that pain with you. There's no explanation how you lived through it."

"You're the explanation. I was always yours not Edward's, and it took him destroying me from the inside out for me to know the truth."

Bella insisted on making them a hearty breakfast. She sorted out emotions many days over the stove and today was no different. They had a nice meal with little conversation. He insisted on cleaning up before asking her the question on his mind, "Would you mind if Leah came over to stay with you a few hours? There's somewhere I need to go."

Bella nodded, "Of course. Leah and I have some episodes of _Gray's_ to catch up with."

He laughed, "You do that then. I can't believe you and Leah have bonded over TV trash."

She shoved him, "Hey, buddy. That show is not trash. It's addicting." Jacob walked into the bedroom to find his phone, so he could call Leah. Bella stayed in the kitchen. When Jacob found her, she'd just started the kettle for some tea. He saw the empty vase sitting next to her. He often brought her flowers, and these were her favorite so far according to her two days ago.

"Here, take this beautiful bouquet. Tell her they're from both of us."

"I never said where I was going."

She shrugged. "We share emotions now, remember? You're going to visit Sarah."

"Wow. I guess I need to watch my every move and thought around you now. But seriously, I need to go. It's important."

"Sure, you do. It's fine. You're going to see Billy too?"

"Bella," he warned. Neither Bella or Jacob much liked being told what to do.

"I'm not trying to tell you how to react to your father's deception but go easy on him. They didn't know. I'm not looking forward to this conversation with Charlie either. They loved us and thought they were doing the right thing. I'm ready for us all to be at peace. Please don't argue with your father or start a rift." Bella made her pouty, pleading face, "For me."

"No fair, Bells. You know I'd do anything for you."

She approached him, and he hugged her close against his chest. "Yes, I do believe you have established that over and over. I love you for never giving up on me, even all those times I had given up on myself."

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **So, yeah. I went so far from the original story in this fic, but it was necessary and I love being able to do that. Let me know how you think I pulled it off. Also, my latest original novel is free this weekend so check it out on Amazon, "Willow's Wish" by TC Rybicki. If anyone is curious about my originals, please PM for details. I am always looking for ARC readers and offer giveaways too. Hopefully, I'll update once a week until the end. Love you all and have a Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate. ;)**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**Here we are. I consider this a reward chapter for myself and all my readers that have endured this torturous love story.**_

 _ **Listening rec is Lionel Richie "Long Long Way to Go." This who fic was birthed from me meditating on these lyrics.**_

 _ **Copyright disclaimer. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all recognizable character. Her version of Bella and Jacob never had the scenes they deserved. ;)**_

Chapter 24

 _Bella_

 _2 months later_

Bella spun in a circle with her arms outstretched. Leah was a huge help. When they arrived at the dress shop, Bella was completely overwhelmed, but she finally found the perfect dress. She'd never felt this comfortable dressed up in her entire life.

Jacob whistled from across the room. He was a thousand times more beautiful in his tuxedo. Leah cuffed him the back of the head. "You know, you're the only two assholes on the planet that could have mental breakdowns, shave your damn heads and still look better than half the population. I swear to God, you missed your calling. You should both be on a runway in Milan with huge modeling contracts.

Bella rolled her eyes, "Oh, please, my hair is growing out so slow, I look like a teenage boy and I'm too short to be a model. Jacob could definitely be a model though but look who's talking. You're gorgeous in that blue strapless dress, Lee. Embry's eyes are going to pop out of his head when he sees you."

Leah feigned shock, "Embry. What the fuck, B? I'm not looking to impress anyone tonight. Especially not Embry."

"Liar. We've all seen the way you two look at each other at the pack get-togethers. Tonight's the night for love. You should totally go for it."

"Oh yeah, what about you and Black? Are you going for it too? I have never heard of two people sharing the same bed this long without so much as tongue kissing. You know Jacob could lose an appendage with this raging case of blue balls he has continuously. That would be a tragedy. I've seen what he's packing and it's pretty impressive. Although, the first few times, he might not impress you so much. I fear he'll be overly excited. Take my advice and keep trying. It'll get better with practice."

The alpha roared, "Leah! That's enough. Get lost. We'll see you at the church."

"Yeah, yeah, but are we clear that I'm not pining for Embry?"

Jacob replied, "Crystal!" as he slammed the door in her face.

"Sorry about that, Bells. Leah doesn't handle teasing well. Are you okay? I know the expected crowd already has you anxious."

"I'm fine. She has no filter. I'm used to it by now, but that's not true, is it?"

"What's not true?" Jacob teased.

Bella blushed and chewed on her lip, "It's not going to fall off. I mean, that's impossible, right?"

He couldn't help but laugh. Maybe Jacob felt a little hopeful that Bells cared about that part of his anatomy. She was acting stupid and naïve, but she worried a lot whether she was hurting him physically "Yes, honey. There's no chance of that and there's no rush or pressure. Leah knows better. She's going to pay for saying that shit to you. Come on, let's get out of here. It's not every day my older sister throws her entire life away on a dipshit."

"Jacob, that's your brother. It's their wedding day. Wipe that frown off lips. We're not going to a funeral. This is a happy occasion."

"Yeah, so happy. At least, I have you to look at all night. I can be happy about that. You look beautiful, honey." Jacob kissed her cheek. She felt warm all over from the slightest brush of his lips on her skin. Bella almost couldn't remember that mountain kiss because so much had happened in the course of a year, but she knew Jacob was a good kisser. It was almost laughable she'd avoided a real kiss this long. She'd been ready so many times before but then changed her mind at the last minute. They both agreed to stop bringing it up or making plans for it. It would happen for them when the time was right. They were past so many of her crazy hang-ups, but she was still afraid of true intimacy because once she started with him there would be no stopping the inevitable for either of them.

* * *

The wedding was beautiful. Bella cried. She thought Jacob did too, but maybe not for the same reasons. Life was better for all members of both packs. Nomads had been scarce. Seth and the other younger ones had been able to focus on school. There hadn't been anymore boys phasing since Brady and Collin over a year ago. Sam and Emily were also planning a wedding but wanted something on a much smaller scale than Rachel and Paul. Charlie and Sue were official and adorable. Bella was happy for her father. Renee had visited. She and Bella didn't get too deep into their personal problems, but her mom conceded maybe she never truly knew her daughter like she thought. They both agreed many mistakes were made during Bella's formative years, but some were hers not only her mom's. Renee wanted to change their future, get closer than ever. Bella endured weekly phone calls complete with a relationship workbook, but it wasn't so bad. Some exercises had helped her grow and change as a person.

The past two months hadn't been perfect. Real life never was. Jacob struggled to forgive their fathers. He made them listen to the real story. Both Charlie and Billy wept when they realized all that Bella suffered and how heinous Edward Cullen had always been. She was the mediator. Forgiveness was key to her recovery. In the end, Jacob realized the one to blame for all the hurt had been dealt with so there was no reason to dwell on past mistakes.

He'd worked his ass off with the online studies and would soon have his diploma. Jacob also found a steady job. She hadn't yet, but Bella was brave enough to apply for a few.

Bella shook her head when she observed Jacob going in for his second huge piece of cake. He raised a plate to see if she wanted more. She shook her head from across the room because she was stuffed. The reception was more elaborate than the wedding. Paul insisted on making all of Rachel's dreams come true and she liked fancy things which included gourmet food and drinks, beautiful flowers and decorations, and a talented and versatile band.

Jacob warned her when he sat back down beside her. "Better go easy on that champagne, Bells. You're not used to alcohol."

"I hardly think three sips will do me in. This is my only glass all evening. You should be worried about how much food your consuming because I've lost count on your buffet returns."

He patted his flat belly, "I'm pacing myself. The wolf burns 2,000 calories an hour. Besides, I intend to get my money's worth since Lahote paid for the food for once."

Bella laughed. Paul lucked out. He had gained great contacts from his growing construction business. Even though Rachel loved extravagant things, she admitted Paul got most of this wedding at discount prices. The caterer and wedding planner were his clients first. She motioned to the newly married couple, "Look at them. Rach is overjoyed. I think this is the last night you should ever complain about Paul. They were meant to be."

Jacob quipped, "Rachel's drunk. Don't confuse happiness with tipsy, Bells. I'll never stop complaining about Lahote, but I guess he's kinda good for my sister. Just keep that between us, 'kay?"

Bella twisted and invisible latch in front of her lips, "All your secrets are safe with me, babe."

The couple couldn't hide anything from each other, but sometimes their silence said more than any of their deep conversations. Bella couldn't believe how loved she was. She used to think she wasn't deserving of Jacob Black's love. Now she didn't think she could survive one second without it. Tonight was special for them. She felt it.

The lead singer of the band initiated a line dance by calling out commands. Bella fully expected to be a bystander, but Jacob wouldn't hear of it. He grabbed her by the hand. "Come on, sweetheart. We have to get in on this or we haven't had the true wedding experience."

Bella pulled back, "Please, no. I'll embarrass myself. There's too much choreography."

Jacob turned Bella's entire body around, so she could see what was happening front and center on the dance floor. "See that. There's no way you'll be worse than him, Bells."

Bella covered her eyes, "Oh my God. Dad doesn't have a coordinated bone in his body. You see. It's genetic. I can't, Jake."

"Yes, you can. I'll help. Didn't you say just last week you can do anything as long as I'm beside you?"

Bella rolled her eyes since he was using her own words against her. She never meant dancing in front of people, but he was right. She had said that because Bella ran into Jessica Stanley at the grocery store. She asked a bunch of intrusive questions about her marriage breaking up. Addressing the rumors should have sent Bella running in the other direction in tears, but she stood her ground. She gave the only version that was possible for human ears. Edward turned into an abuser and the whole family fled to avoid an investigation. Of course, Jessica could hardly believe such a thing about the prestigious family. She heard Bella had a breakdown of sorts or possibly an affair. She looked at Jacob when she said the last part. Jacob squeezed her hand and gave her the extra strength she needed. Bella told Jessica where she could shove her gossip and innuendos. It was the bravest she'd felt in a long time.

So, here he was, asking her to be brave again. She grabbed his hand and followed him to the dance floor. Of course, she was right. She did embarrass herself because she was terrible at every one of these dances, but it didn't matter. It was a blast. She hadn't laughed so hard in years. The guys all took turns spinning her around a time or two, and Bella was reminded how far she'd come. At one point, she couldn't allow one single human touch graze her skin without a full-blown panic attack. Now she welcomed affection from her loved ones.

Eventually, the songs turned slow and she settled back in Jake's embrace. He held her close, and she relished the feelings their closeness brought to the surface. A year ago, Bella was preparing for her ultimate death. Tonight, she was finally ready to experience every part of life and love. Jacob whispered against the shell of her ear, "This is where you were always supposed to be."

She nodded and pulled him closer. His hands touching the bare skin on her back ignited a fire within her, but Bella shivered. He tickled her neck with his warm breath, "You can't possibly be cold this close to me."

Bella's head shook, "No, that's not it." Their eyes met. Her cheeks burned bright. She couldn't hide what was on her mind or what his closeness did to her.

Jacob broke the spell by cracking a joke, "You think I'm so sexy, don't ya, Bells?"

She pulled away, "Idiot. Haven't I embarrassed myself for enough for one day? Just dance and stop analyzing the situation."

He pulled her hard against him this time. There was not a single space left between their bodies. A gasp escaped her lips. She confessed the truth, "Of course, I do. You're the sexiest alpha male in existence and you're all mine."

He nuzzled her neck and she purred against his white dress shirt. "I am. Forever and always. You smell so fucking good right now. I'm about to lose it." They swayed to the slow tune a few minutes longer before Jacob commented on her amorous dancing, "Bells, honey. You're being... um, different tonight."

She looked up at him. Their faces were so close, but at the last second, Bella told him, "Not here. Not yet."

Jacob knowingly shook his head. "Maybe we should leave."

"I think you're supposed to stay until Paul and Rachel leave."

"Who cares? Dad already gave her away to that degenerate. There's nothing more for me to do."

Bella told him he was impossible, and he at least needed to tell the happy couple goodbye. She had a few people to say goodbye to herself. Most of them would think she'd had her limit for the evening. That wasn't exactly true. Bella just really needed to be alone with Jacob before she lost her nerve.

* * *

Jacob headed straight to the bedroom when they returned to the cabin. He hated being confined in that tuxedo. He'd been losing parts of the ensemble throughout the night. She refused to let him take the shirt or pants off. She giggled to herself when she heard the dress shoes ricochet off the bedroom wall.

Bella was ready to ditch her fancy clothes as well. The dress was comfortable, but she kicked off her shoes hours before or she would most definitely busted her ass during all that dancing.

She grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge before heading toward their room. He was facing the window shirtless and in the process of ditching his dress pants. Bella's eyes were drawn to the back muscles that stretched and flexed before her as Jacob shook out all the kinks from being formal all evening. Her throat made a noise causing him to turn around.

"Are you spying on me?"

"No, it's my room too. I was just coming to offer you a drink of water. Are you thirsty?"

"Apparently not as thirsty as you, honey." She shook her head. They'd been getting more playful and comfortable since all the truths were realized and true healing took place. However, he refrained from ever making things appear sexual. She felt like their flirting this evening had been somewhat unrestrained. Bella always imagined when this day came, she'd be afraid.

She wasn't. He might not know that just yet. Jacob walked across the room to her and Bella shoved a water bottle between them as a buffer. She wasn't scared, but she wasn't that bold yet. She rehearsed a scenario in her mind on the way home. Bella knew what it would take for him to know it was okay to move forward in their relationship. It was up to her to say it or make the first move.

Jacob drained the water bottle. Bella made a request as she spun around with her back facing him, "Can you unzip me? Leah helped me get dressed. I can't reach it."

The empty plastic bottle hit the ground with a thump. Jacob's fingers skimmed her bare back before finding the start of her zipper. He unzipped her dress slowing and deliberately. When it was undone, she knew he'd be face to face with her undergarments which were as little as she'd ever worn anywhere. She hadn't worn a bra since all hers showed given the design of the dress and Leah convinced her the less panty the better. She only wore a lacy black thong underneath. Bella waited for a word from him, but the room was silent. She was pretty sure neither one of them took a breath.

His hand rested against her hip. Bella hadn't let go of the dress. She was still sorting out her plan. She could hear him breathing, but he kept her at arm's length.

"Jake."

"Yeah."

"I know who you are and this request goes against everything in your nature, but can you please let me call all the shots? I don't want to lose my nerve."

"Bells, you don't have to prove anything to me. Leah got into your head, but it has to be your decision. No one else's not even mine."

"It is. I've already decided. Go sit on the bed, please. I need a second."

Jacob dropped his hands off her. Bella listened to him take three steps across the room and the bed creak under his weight. She counted inside her head: one, two, three, four, five. It was now or never. She dropped the dress and felt it pool at her feet.

He growled from the bed, "Oh, jeez, fuck me. You're so beautiful, especially in this light."

Hearing his sexy voice and praise for her helped Bella find the courage to turn around. She'd been vulnerable with him before. The healing process at Old Quil's had been intimate at times, but this was the first time she'd ever stepped into the light in all her natural glory to allow Jacob to see every square inch of her at once. There was a full moon, but he probably didn't need it with his keen eyesight.

He saw her... all of her. She was sure he also saw her shaking and heard her speeding heart race.

Despite her nerves, watching him look at her with such reverence felt amazing. His eyes roamed her body and there was no shame or embarrassment. They belonged to each other. It was mutual love, trust, and understanding. Bella was so fortunate to come back from the brink of death and still find this much happiness. She approached him carefully or else she might trip and fall which would ruin this sensual mood.

Jacob's outstretched arms were welcoming, but she needed to go slow and feel in control. Bella made a request. "Can you please keep your hands at your side? Try not to touch me just yet."

"Anything you need, honey. I don't know what to say. You're so fucking perfect. I'm worried this is just one my many Bella fantasies. If it is, please don't wake me up."

She laughed and then squeezed his the inside of his upper thighs. "Did that feel real?"

He growled, "So real, my dick almost broke free from my boxers."

Jacob's mention of his male anatomy caused a little apprehension within Bella, but she wasn't going to stop what she'd started. She'd had glimpses too and Leah was telling the truth. He was generously blessed which made her question a few biological improbabilities. Sex would work. It had too even though it might hurt some in the beginning. She didn't want to think about being in pain or she might lose her nerve. Bella only wanted to think about their love. That was the first step toward finding pleasure.

Her fingers slipped under the elastic at her hips. The lacey panties fell, and she kicked them to the side after stepping out of them. Bella motioned to Jake, "Your turn."

She wasn't going to concentrate on a buildup or so-called foreplay. There had been months of that. Bella wasn't going to give herself too much time to think about how right it felt between them tonight. Jacob lifted his hips and ditched the boxers in a flash. This was not a glimpse or a peek. Bella was face to face with everything and all that her boyfriend possessed. An audible gasp slipped out.

He smelled her fear, "Bells come here. Sit with me. We'll go as slow as you need, even stop if that's what you need at anytime. Just say the word. No secrets between us."

She climbed onto the bed straddling his muscular thighs instead of sitting next to him. It was now or never. Jacob held his breath. Bella grabbed his face. They spent a few breaths lost in each other's eyes.

He spoke first, "You sure?"

Bella leaned in and pressed her lips to his. This soft kiss was her answer. There was no urgency, only the connection between them was savored a few seconds. He waited for her like he promised. Once Bella moved her lips against his, Jacob started kissing her back. She squeezed his legs with her thighs and started to inch closer.

Jacob grabbed the sheets with his hands. He never failed her. She wanted to be touched by him but at the same time, she didn't think it was possible this first time. Anything to do with sex had become twisted, distorted, and evil in her mind. Bella had to reinvent her entire way of thinking. What happened to her hadn't been sex or intimacy, it was an act of violence and aggression. Bella wasn't a possession even though she belonged to Jacob. He also belonged to her. This beautiful giant of a man ran with wolves; was the leader of a pack and soon would lead them all. She overheard Jacob and Sam discussing a merger. But there was no mistaking him for an animal. Bella's promise to remind him of his humanity was never necessary; Jacob stayed true to himself through it all. His touch was tender, his soul was pure, and his love was unconditional. She wanted to believe she was strong now, but Bella wouldn't be here ready to start a life with the man she loved if he hadn't saved her from herself. He did far more than rescue her from a vampire coven. He literally brought her broken body and wilted soul back from the dead.

Now she was capable of love and being loved. The gravity of those truths caused tears to stream down her cheeks.

Bella intensified their kiss. Her tongue sought entry between his lips. The taste of him exploded into her mouth. She remembered. The kiss before. The love she felt for him but denied. It all rushed back. This time was different. She would give herself to him... heart, body, and soul.

Jacob spoke in her thoughts. "It's okay. I love you. I will never hurt you."

They kissed a little more until Bella needed to breathe. When she felt certain her body was ready to accept him, she scooted in a few more inches. She had no idea where her boldness came from, but Bella dipped two fingers into her sex then brought the wetness to his lips. "Taste me, Jake. This is what you do to me all the time."

He growled again practically pulling the sheets off the mattress with his grip. She only had one final task ahead. Bella needed to touch him. She'd dreamt about it so many times, but often imagined she'd do it wrong or hurt him, but at this moment when it was happening, a surge of power filled her body. He caused a response in her body, but she also did this to him. Bella could make him do anything for her even though she would never abuse that reality again. She had before, but they'd long ago sorted through the past and forgiveness.

Once she covered the tip with her hand, a pleasured moan escaped his lips. "Ummm, Bells. I don't know if you should do that so much."

She ignored his warning so that she could figure out the speed and rhythm he enjoyed. It turned out he liked anything she did to him. Bella would just do whatever felt natural once they bodies were linked together. At this point she didn't care if he got too excited and not much else happened. They had plenty of time to get it right. She felt so overwhelmed from the anticipation that she already had begun to feel a pulsing between her legs. Maybe the first time could fulfill her just as much as it would him.

Bella rose up a few inches when her knees found the right spot against his hips. She contemplated if it should be slow and easy or quick and hard. Once she felt his hardness pressing against her, she decided on something in between. He continued to let her do it all herself, and Bella rewarded him with a deep probing kiss. Her thighs spread and her body sank lower and lower. She breathed through the initial sting, kept holding him where she needed him and pushed forward that last bit until she found herself fully seated against him. They were no longer two entities, but one vessel sharing every single fragment of themselves. Her vision darkened, her body shook, and her mind and body flooded from all the new sensations happening all at once.

His voice was present in her thoughts again, "whatever you need."

Bella spoke out loud, "I need to move."

"Okay, moving sounds good."

Bella rocked her hips a few times, "Is this alright?"

"I might fucking die so yeah, it's alright. You feel so good, baby. Keep going." They found a combined rhythm that was perfect for them both. She lost all concept of time and had no idea how long he could last since he kept saying things about how good it felt and he was sorry if he came too fast.

Bella was ready to have his hands on her in a way. She still needed to be in control, but Bella unwound Jacob's hands from the sheets. She threaded her fingers in between his. Then she told Jacob to lie down. Their lovemaking intensified with him on his back and Bella hovering over him. She used all her weight to rise and fall onto him over and over. Each movement brought her closer to something she had only heard or read about. Bella squeezed his hands tighter while she held them against his lower abdomen. They kept them twined together in a tight ball like their lives depending on it.

She whispered, "Don't let go."

"Never, but Bells, fuck, I hope you're close. Because I'm gonna..." his voice broke, so she completed his thoughts in her mind.

Bella assured him she was also close. She leaned over so that she could enjoy the extra sensation her breasts smacking against his chest provided. The tension in their bodies rose together with each movement of her hips. She found what she'd been looking for. The pressure of his pubic bone touched her exactly where she needed to be touched and Bella climaxed all over his cock which caused an immediate reaction from Jacob. He filled her completely. She felt weak all over but invigorated. Bella fell against his chest. She lay there a while thinking the world had stopped for a minute to celebrate with them. They made love. It was beautiful, erotic, and passionate love even though she had certain stipulations, she felt every bit of his desire and strength.

The sex was more important than she'd previously imagined. Completely giving herself to him freed the last bit of fear Bella had kept locked away. She was a whole person again, perhaps the most complete she'd ever been.

It took a few minutes of calming down to soak it all in for her to realize she hadn't moved and he was still inside her. He was also starting to firm up again.

"Um, Jake. Is it supposed to do that?"

"Not typically, but don't question it, Bells. Just be happy about it. Would you mind..."

She didn't need him to finish his question. "You may."

Jacob grabbed Bella by the waist and performed a flip maneuver that had her on her back with him hovering over her in three seconds flat. She giggled at the irony this might be the one place on earth she possessed some coordination. Of course, it helped to have a man with super strength challenging the limits of her body.

Jacob's hand touched her cheek with reverence, "So, it's okay if I touch you now?" He wriggled his eyebrows, "You know, during."

"Yes, please do, Jacob. Touch me. Don't ever stop and you don't ever need to ask again because I trust you to always touch me how I need to be touched." He pushed inside her again. That same love was experienced between them. There was even more pleasure which didn't seem possible but he proved it was. Everything she expected from an alpha male like Jake happened during their encore lovemaking, but Bella loved it and she loved him.

Something else occurred to Bella while Jacob helped her reach new heights; she finally loved herself. And that revelation just might be the most important milestone Bella Swan had ever reached.

 _ **~Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **So Bella finally healed. Thoughts, questions, guesses what the future holds? Hit me up in the reviews or PMs. Love you guys.**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**Long time no write fanfiction, dearies, but here it is!**_

Chapter 25

Jacob groaned into the pillow with his third release inside his Bells. He swore this gift of erection turnaround could have him going all night, but Bella needed a break. He was worried she wouldn't be able to walk by morning. Of course, he'd relish keeping her in bed and taking care of her, but he worried he'd already pushed her too hard.

Her sweaty body wrapped around his when she settled at his side. He noticed they needed to remake the bed before going to sleep since Bella was a stickler for the tuck-in. All the covers were slipping off at their feet. Bella made a sweet sigh against his chest.

"You're pretty good at that. Almost makes me wonder if you've been practicing?"

Jacob snorted, "Yeah, right. I've been practicing on my hand several times a day to make sure I behave around you. That's all the practice I've gotten for years, and you know it, Bells."

"I guess, but I meant before when I treated you like shit. You could have been doing whatever you wanted, banging all the bitches on the rez."

He laughed at her, "Banging bitches? Are you for real? You know damn well when we reconnected, I was going through my awkward phase and my balls had just dropped. Once you were back, I could never look at anyone else. How many times have I said that, honey?"

"Lots. It's just you're really good at sex."

He tickled her side, "Pack mind, baby." There was still so much to show her, things they could experience together, but she was correct. This was a special first time not exactly normal. Jacob added the truth as he saw it, "Also, you and I are really good together. Period. So, erase all traces of insecure Bella. You don't need her anymore."

Bella stretched her neck to place a hot kiss on his lips. "Sorry, that was the last time. I just locked her up for good." Bells traced her fingertips across his chest. Jacob reigned in the beast. He meant it. She was done for the night, maybe even a couple of days. She kissed close to his nipple. Dammit. He was sure she did that on purpose.

Bella giggled, "I did, and I know what you're thinking. Your thoughts have been completely open to me all night."

"Oh yeah, sorry if they were too dirty."

"No, they were just right. I love your passion, but I definitely need a breather. Even though it's the middle of the night, I think I'll soak in a bath, relax, and clean up. Then maybe just maybe I'll be up for some more loving tomorrow afternoon."

The phrase _cleanup_ stuck with him. In fact, it hit him like a large rock to the skull. Jacob yelled, "Shit, shit, shit! Bella. I didn't. I mean, we just went at it over and over. What the fuck? I wasn't thinking. Hurry up, get in the tub. I'll make the water extra hot. Maybe that'll undo all my stupidity."

She busted out laughing at him which didn't make sense because this was serious business. He loved Bells with all that he was, but they were just now on the path to full recovery. They did not need a kid.

"You're hilarious. It doesn't work that way. Besides, do you think I'm an idiot?"

"No, but I might be."

"I thought you knew."

"Knew what?"

"Sue gives all the pack girls a shot every three months. It's non-negotiable. Believe me, I tried to not be included because it didn't make any sense to give me one all those months when I could barely even accept a hug."

"Thank God for Sue. So, we're safe?"

Bella's demeanor changed, "Yeah, safe. No worries." She scooted away from him to leave the bed, and he instantly missed her, "I'm going to get that bath now. You don't have to stay awake."

Jacob stayed wide awake the entire forty-five minutes Bella was in the bathroom. Something was bothering her. First, they were exploring their sexuality together, then they were having a little pillow talk, and then in an instant Bella reverted into one of her moods. He worried it was either something he did or said.

She climbed into bed and fussed, "I told you to sleep."

"I wasn't sleepy."

"Liar. It's four in the morning."

"Bells, honey, what's wrong? Tell me if you're hurting? I can get you some aspirin or something."

"No, I took Ibuprofen already, but I'm not hurting. It's preventative."

"Okay, did I say something stupid? It's a habit. You know I didn't mean it, whatever it was."

"Jacob, I don't want to ruin our perfect night."

"That will only happen if you're not honest with me. Something's bothering you."

Bella took a few minutes before she opened up. Then she confused him even more, "There's more than one reason I don't need the birth control." She closed her eyes a few seconds and took a deep breath. "I wasn't sure when I'd be ready for this conversation and I'm still not even though it's time."

"Okay. What are the reasons? Why are you acting so different?"

"The scars, Jake."

He'd only left one scar on her and that was James's bite on her wrist because Bella insisted on keeping it as a reminder, but he healed the rest with his wolf blood. He rubbed her wrist, "I can still get rid of it."

She squeezed his fingers, "No, not this. The scars I'm talking about aren't as simple to heal. There was a lot of internal damage. I know you don't like to hear about it, but you can probably imagine the things that happened."

"Bella. Tell me right now! Did the sex hurt? Because I swear, I will not be responsible for hurting you. We will figure out other ways to express our love. Hell, we already do."

"No, baby. Our lovemaking was honestly amazing. I'm in shock how good it felt, but I'm convinced there's some irreparable damage to my reproductive organs. It's not all in my head either. Sue agrees it's a possibility and there's a chance I might have trouble having children one day. Truth is even though I might have been delirious, I heard Rosalie ask Carlisle, and he said the same thing. The scar tissue most likely sealed my childless fate. I should have told you already because I know how bad you want them."

They'd never even discussed children before. He wasn't sure where she got that idea from. Before Jacob could open his mouth to protest, Bella stopped him.

"Just because I know. Don't deny it. You're the family type. The whole pack is that way. It's in your nature."

"Bells, we're not even old enough to buy booze. We don't have to worry about this now. Do you even want kids? I mean, not long ago, you were..."

"Willingly ready to die without experiencing all there was to life? I know, Jacob. And I admit I'm not the type of person that ever dwelt on the future. But I think about it a lot now because of the life I've made with you. I want to see you hold your child, teach him or her all the things bring you joy, see all that love reflected in your eyes."

"Then we'll have it. Whatever it takes, we'll make it work when the time is right so don't worry another minute."

Bella took a deep breath. "I'm not saying it would be easy, but if you have to have one with someone else, I'll love the child as my own because I love you that much."

"Someone else? Jesus, Bells. Stop. You and I will have our own child either the natural way or with a doctor's help or we'll adopt, but I'm not entertaining that suggestion even for a second. You said insecure Bells was gone. What the hell is going on?"

"This is practical Bella. I want you to know where everything stands before you make a formal commitment to me. It's only fair. You were destined to have a legacy."

Jacob moved closer, so he could hold Bella's face in his hands while he recited the truth to her, "The commitment has already been made. The day I strolled past the Cullen's place and smelled your scent again and knew you didn't go through with it, I pledged myself to you for life. I didn't know what had happened or what our future looked like, but I knew we'd spend it together. When you screamed to die, I believed you wanted to live and that somewhere inside you, there was enough love for me, so you'd pull through. We don't need a formal paper from the county or words from a holy man to validate our commitment. I'd like those things one day but make no mistake my commitment to you can't be undone. I'm yours and you're mine."

No more words were said after his heartfelt declaration. Bella nodded then clung to Jacob like he was her lifeline. Maybe he was, but she was also his. She comforted enough by his promises to rest and stop worrying. It wasn't much longer before the couple soon drifted off to sleep. His declarations calmed her fears for now. One day the subject would come up again. That was how Bella was, but Jacob was used to it. He enjoyed vivid dreams with her the rest of the night. Once the light poured into their room, Jake expected to roll over to start some real-life indulgences since his sleepy thoughts had already convinced his body to be ready.

As soon as one eye opened, panic hit him. Jacob was squeezing Bella's pillow not her warm body. One deep sniff proved his worst nightmare came true. She was gone not just in the other room. Bella left him.

* * *

Jacob jumped out of bed and ran for the front door. "Fuck!" The car was there which caused even more worry. If the car was missing, she might have run out for groceries or a breakfast surprise. He talked himself down. Bella liked the sun. She took walks. Spring was in full bloom. That's probably all it was.

Then again, if she spent any more time overthinking the night before, this disappearance could mean something else. Bella didn't leave a note, but her scent was easy to follow. A few minutes into the search he realized where she was headed. The fucking cliffs. Why Bells? That was not a place she ever walked to, but she knew the way because she'd asked him once where every path led away from the cabin. He thought the worst even though they'd shared an almost perfect night together. This is what she'd done for months. Bells would get better and then have a huge setback. The wolf ran harder; the man searched for her thoughts the closer he got to the cliffs.

He saw her, arms extended, head thrown back, and wind whipping her hair in all directions. She wasn't paying attention, so he rushed in from the side to tackle her to the ground.

Bella gasped, "Jake! You scared me to death. I thought a vampire was coming for me."

"No, there's something way more threatening than any damn leech in this place."

She gasped, "What?"

"Your fucking mind, Bells. It's my favorite but also scares the hell out of me. Are you nuts thinking about jumping again?"

Her head moved side to side, "I wasn't. I mean, I want to, but I was waiting for you. I knew you'd meet me once you woke up." Jacob sat up and buried his head in his hands. He felt like crying like a fucking baby he'd been so scared, but now there was just relief and a little annoyance. She could have left him a note, but she was right. He'd always find her, so she was just counting on the inevitable. Bella stroked his hair. "I'm sorry. I figured you'd get it when you realized I was headed here."

"Get it? No, I didn't. I thought you were still upset and about to self-destruct again."

"Oh, sorry. That's understandable, I suppose."

He rolled his eyes and sarcastically stated, "You think?"

They hugged for a few minutes which settled him down. The wolf retreated, the couple quietened, and enjoyed the morning view. Bella turned to kiss him before making the request again, "But will you jump with me? I want to wash all the past away for good. This is us coming full circle. I checked the weather, no storms today, and even though it's going to be chilly, I have my hot wolf-man to warm me back up."

Jacob stood up, so he could check the water out firsthand. It looked calm nothing like it had been that fateful day Bella took the plunge all alone.

"Yeah, I will. But I need to go hunt for some shorts from one of the clothes stashes. Quil jumped last spring nude and said it felt like his balls got stuck in his throat." Bella laughed. He was thankful it was still a good day and he'd panicked for nothing. They had shorts and sweats hidden all over the place. Before Charlie knew the secret, he'd asked Billy why there was such a homeless problem on the reservation. He came across odd bags and boxes of clothes in the strangest places. It was a good thing there was another hideaway below. Bells would be freezing when they got on the beach, but he'd warm her up quickly with his body and a fresh set of clothes.

Jacob came back soon cinching the waist of some cargo shorts. "You might want to jump in your undies only and then I'll get you dry stuff. There's a cool place not far off the path. The guys have a firepit set up already. We can change and dry off, maybe talk more about what this jump means to each of us."

"That sounds nice." Bella looked around with her hands holding the hem of her blouse, "What if someone sees me?"

He shrugged. Jacob didn't smell anyone near. He promised to shield her from anyone if they happened on them. She made him promise to retrieve her clothes later because she'd finally shopped for herself and really loved these new jeans. Quil wasn't about to get his grubby paws on them and cut the legs out to wear after phasing.

"He can't get his fat ass in your jeans. I promise I'll come back soon and get them." Jacob sensed Bella's trepidation. She was stalling, "Do you want to do this or not, Bells? You don't have to prove anything." But she nodded and he saw the determination behind her fear.

It took her a few minutes before she was brave enough to strip down to her bra and panties in broad daylight which was no worse than a bikini. Bella gave in and giggled with excitement like they were about to do something so exciting and risqué. The guys had done way worse all over the reservation. Bella in her undies about to jump into the ocean wasn't too bad. Although, Jacob didn't want any of them peeping at her. He sniffed the air once more to make sure the coast was clear. It was.

After going over all the safety aspects a few times, they were ready. This was supposed to be a dare, something the show-offs did for a laugh, and a rite of passage for many of the reservation locals. Jacob briefly thought of the past. Bella jumped for the wrong reasons before. She summoned the demon when she did it. He paused at the edge. Should they? He knew he'd protect her, and they'd be fine, but he had to make sure of her reasons.

"Bells, why is this so important right now? I need to know before we do it."

"Think of it as an emotional baptism. I've been grounded in my love for you for a while, but my mind still takes me to the dark places sometimes. I just want the release. I want to let it go, wash the thoughts away for good, bury my old self at the bottom of the sea, and I want to experience it with you. We need this."

Jacob accepted her reasons. They were all good, and he was in the same place as her physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. They truly were more than an imprint. Too strong for clichés like soulmates. He had no words or descriptions for what they were. _They just were._ Jacob thought of Sarah. Bella smiled at him. She saw his mind. They joined hands, raised them to the heavens, and thanked Jacob's mother together for believing the unbelievable all those years ago when they were children. She fought for them, died for them, and it was not in vain. Her sacrifice protected their bond even though it took years before they were reunited. Jacob thanked the spirits for his mother and felt her presence so many times when he and Bella were alone. This moment at the top of the cliffs felt sacred.

"You ready, Bells?"

"I was born ready, Jacob."

They counted down, "One, two, three..." before Bella took the leap of faith a fraction ahead of Jacob, but he held tight to her hand. Neither the wind, water, or gravity ever broke their connection. The couple plunged to the depths that day, sinking far under water because of the force of the fall, but Jake's strong legs kicked and swam until they were moving in the right direction where they could break the surface again to breathe in the fresh air their lungs needed.

After a few seconds of treading water, Bella screamed with her hands above her head, "We did it!"

Jacob pulled her close to his body and relished the feeling of having her next to him safe, sound, and completely healed. All those months since Bella first jumped off this cliff flashed through his mind, "Yeah, Bells. You're right. We did it."

 _ **~Thanks so much for reading.**_

 _ **So this was a long time coming. I'm so happy where this journey took me. Anyone that reads my stuff knows I rarely write fanfiction anymore. I still have a few things I'd like to wrap up, but it's hard to find the time and energy. I'm such a sap, I actually have plans for an epilogue for this, but I also wanted this chapter to end in such a way it could be the final installment. I hope it's not. Let me know if you truly need the epi. Thanks again for all the support over the years reading my stories and giving me encouragement. I appreciate it more than you know.**_

 _ **Love, T.**_


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